27 Dresses VS Rambo - 2 Tubs/5 Tubs

This week I'm reviewing a double feature; the first, a chick flick - 27 Dresses. The other movie is for real men - Rambo.

Coming into the ring is a returning champion, 27 Dresses. Her fans are predominantly female - the young, attractive, single women who come to see this movie with their girlfriends. These ladies are concerned with their figures and don't fall victim to the concession trap on their way into the theater. Sure, there are a couple of porkers and old maids who munch down on some popcorn, but most of these ladies are consuming only water or a Coke Zero they've snuck inside their purse. A water bottle is much easier to police up than a large drink. Not only are these ladies more frugal, they're more tidy and leave a reasonable amount of trash in their wake.

On the right is the veteran of thirty years, Rambo, tossing his hat into the ring one last shot at glory. Here comes the first of his fans: 4 fat guys filling up the four front row seats on the right side - where any good patriot chooses to sit. Each of these guys are armed with a tub of popcorn, a large soda, and their pockets overflow with contraband. Firing on full automatic, these guys spray the floor in front and the seats behind them with wide shot patterns of popcorn and candy wrappers. Empty tubs attest to their gallantry and team spirit. Behind them line up an auditorium of testosterone induced army of men and a few women looking for a real man. There's nothing neat about Rambo. The end justifies the means. If you get in the way, you're bound to be buried in popcorn, lathered in fake buttery topping, and embalmed in layers of popcorn salt. There's peanut shells and sunflower seed hulls, golden Miller High Life cans, and empty Skoal cans under the seats. Rambo brings out the swine in males.

Were Rambo to hook up with professional maid of honor Jane, she would wear an unrevealing camouflage dress with sniper ghillie hood and Rambo knife secured to her garter, and he would be decked out in black tshirt, black bandana, black cammy pants, and combat boots. They would depart the reception in an armor plated Hummer with .50 cal machine guns mounted fore and aft. The couple would honeymoon in northern Laos before moving to Thailand where he would manage a black market riverboat business and she would create her own unique design of bridal gowns handmade by slave child laborers.