Tuesday was my last night at the theater. It was quiet; schools are back in session, there's nothing worth watching except the final few days of Mama Mia! and the Dark Knight. Traitor, starring Don Cheadle, starts on Wednesday; along with Hamlet 2 - the "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" farce that won't last more than one week. Fortunately, I won't be there on September 12th to clean up behind Tyler Perry's 'The Family That Preys'. Tyler is great - his fans don't know the meaning of respect and responsibility.
There were only six of us working Tuesday night: myself, as usher, one concessionaire, one ticket-taker, one in the box office, a floor manager who barely left the office all night, and the manager in the projector booth. We only sold a little over 200 tickets the entire day. No theater had more than 15 people watching any movie.
In Mama Mia!, a card-carrying AARP member tried to hit on me. She wanted to dance, I wanted to get off my feet. Besides being happily engaged, I've never been attracted to women as old or older than myself. Everyone who sees Mama Mia! leaves the theater happier for the experience, and I was more than a little relieved when she followed her daughter out of the auditorium. There was not even one piece of popcorn to sweep up, so I was happy too.
Our girl in the box office came up to me to ask me to attend to the ladies bathroom. I offered her the broom, but she declined. What she really wanted was for me to go in there and repair the missing panel and stall door that once divided two toilets. The wall panel fell in on a customer a couple of months ago, striking her about the head and knees as she was squatting at the time. The general manager has no room in the budget to repair the toilet, clean the carpets, mend the torn wallpaper, mount the fire extinguishers someone ripped off the walls in half the auditoriums, replace the broken track lights that help people see their way up and down the steps; no maintenance person who knows how to tighten the screws on the soda syrup pumps so that they will stop dripping on the floor and attracting ants. The exterminator hasn't been able to get rid of the fire ants that dug through the concrete floor and built a huge anthill in the electric room where all the breakers are located. Nor has the exterminator sprayed the corners and ceilings inside and outside the theater to get rid of all the spiders who live there. Somewhere there is a huge hive of yellow jackets that hang out around the dumpsters and harrass me when I throw out the trash - they haven't been taken care of either. Basically, our facilities are in sad shape. But, as I told the box office girl, Tuesday night was my last night and I can't do anything to help.
After I cleaned the last set for the evening, I cleaned the breakroom and the syrup room one last time, then hid my broom and dustpan behind the ice machine where I've hidden it for months. I made one round of movie checks, clocked out and snuck out the side door without saying goodbye to anyone. I'm sure I'll see them again - but as a customer from now on.
I'll miss some of the folks I worked with...well maybe two: Abbas, the Pakistani manager who only works on Saturday nights, and a young female college student who's name I can't remember; who will leave soon to return to school in California. She's been the hardest working, most positive, sweetest person I've ever worked with. She's a conservative - which attests to her wisdom and maturity; and she thinks that Ronald Reagan is the best President America has ever had. I do too. Both she and Abbas are patriots, and we enjoyed lots of conversations about politics, school, and family. Actually, I'll miss some of the others too, even the usher who only talks about French food, Asian women, and soccer - he never shuts up, but he enjoys taking the trash out so I didn't have to. The managers and employees at the theater were OK people by me. I wish them well; and I hope that some day - maybe if Barack brings about the changes he promises, that customers will learn to be neat, respectful, and human - not like the pigs I cleaned up behind for the past ten months.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Tropic Thunder - 4 Tubs
This is another loser movie that attracts those who simply want to be 'entertained'. If you need crude vulgarity to be entertained, then go see this movie - it's full of it.
There's nothing after the credits, so get out so we can clean the auditorium. For those who didn't get enough 'f*#@ this s)^!' and 'm*@#&^$-f*#@ers', there's plenty more in the credit music. As with all loser movies, (Semi-Pro, Step Brothers, Harold and Kumar, Pineapple Express, ad nauseum), body fluids, bodily sounds, and much too often - male frontal nudity is what brings the teens, college students and single black women with their four children by four different sperm donors.
Saturday afternoon we spotted four children, the oldest of which was maybe 12 years old, enter Tropic Thunder. As this is an R-rated movie, we're bound by state and federal laws to protect children from the content of these movies. Most parents who find out that their kids snuck in to see an R-rated movie would be on the phone complaining to the corporate office. Not so for these four kids' mom. We asked for their ticket stubs and they said that their mom had them. We asked them to leave the theater until their mom appeared with the tickets. When she finally came out of the bathroom, the manager asked to see the ticket stubs. She said, "What business is it of yours? in a rather rude voice. The manager replied, "I'm the manager. This is an R-rated movie and minors can't be in these movies without an adult being present with them." She then told the manager to mind his own f'ing business and get out of her mf'ing face; and walked her four illegitimate children in to watch a movie with more curse words and sexual references than anything since Step Brothers - but those kids have probably heard that and more at home, judging by the mother. The oldest daughter did appear to be ashamed of her mother's behavior, so there's hope for at least one of these kids. I hope that the oldest girl escapes and is able to lead a successful life in spite of her mom's poor parenting skills.
I'm glad this was my last weekend at the theater because I'm sick to death of customers like this bitch. ('Bitch' should be in the Bible because that's the only description that fits some people - and God knows she's a bitch, and was purposed to be a bitch before He breathed her into her mother's over-used womb). Needless to say there was a mess under those five seats after the movie was over.
In the ten months that I've worked at this theater, I've come to believe that people aren't basically good as some would claim. Most are inconsiderate, rude, and slovenly. I'm having a difficult time trying to see what Jesus loves about these people. This is the point in Tropic Thunder where Robert Downey Jr, playing a black Army sergeant, would demand, "What do you mean by 'these people?" Maybe after I've had a few months to detox I won't be so negative and judgmental...but don't hold your breath.
There's nothing after the credits, so get out so we can clean the auditorium. For those who didn't get enough 'f*#@ this s)^!' and 'm*@#&^$-f*#@ers', there's plenty more in the credit music. As with all loser movies, (Semi-Pro, Step Brothers, Harold and Kumar, Pineapple Express, ad nauseum), body fluids, bodily sounds, and much too often - male frontal nudity is what brings the teens, college students and single black women with their four children by four different sperm donors.
Saturday afternoon we spotted four children, the oldest of which was maybe 12 years old, enter Tropic Thunder. As this is an R-rated movie, we're bound by state and federal laws to protect children from the content of these movies. Most parents who find out that their kids snuck in to see an R-rated movie would be on the phone complaining to the corporate office. Not so for these four kids' mom. We asked for their ticket stubs and they said that their mom had them. We asked them to leave the theater until their mom appeared with the tickets. When she finally came out of the bathroom, the manager asked to see the ticket stubs. She said, "What business is it of yours? in a rather rude voice. The manager replied, "I'm the manager. This is an R-rated movie and minors can't be in these movies without an adult being present with them." She then told the manager to mind his own f'ing business and get out of her mf'ing face; and walked her four illegitimate children in to watch a movie with more curse words and sexual references than anything since Step Brothers - but those kids have probably heard that and more at home, judging by the mother. The oldest daughter did appear to be ashamed of her mother's behavior, so there's hope for at least one of these kids. I hope that the oldest girl escapes and is able to lead a successful life in spite of her mom's poor parenting skills.
I'm glad this was my last weekend at the theater because I'm sick to death of customers like this bitch. ('Bitch' should be in the Bible because that's the only description that fits some people - and God knows she's a bitch, and was purposed to be a bitch before He breathed her into her mother's over-used womb). Needless to say there was a mess under those five seats after the movie was over.
In the ten months that I've worked at this theater, I've come to believe that people aren't basically good as some would claim. Most are inconsiderate, rude, and slovenly. I'm having a difficult time trying to see what Jesus loves about these people. This is the point in Tropic Thunder where Robert Downey Jr, playing a black Army sergeant, would demand, "What do you mean by 'these people?" Maybe after I've had a few months to detox I won't be so negative and judgmental...but don't hold your breath.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Step Brothers/Pineapple Express - 4 Tubs each
These two movies are what I term, 'loser movies'. They're in the same gendre as Harold & Kumar, Don't Mess With the Zohan, Semi-Pro, Blades of Glory, and the upcoming Tropic Thunder. The people who are attracted to loser movies are teenagers, college students, and pedophiles. Loser movies glorify animalistic sex, suggest that marijuana will solve most, if not all, of America's problems, and pretend that depravity and vulgarity are actually funny. Obviously public school and college students think so because they don't mind plunking down the bucks to see this crap.
Saturday night at the theater, our GM walked past me shaking his head. "This is the first time that I've actually feared for our country's future." he said. I asked him what he was talking about, assuming he was talking about the gnat's breadth of difference between Obama and McCain. As it turns out, the GM was talking about the lengths our youths will go through to break the law and disobey authority in order to see movies like those mentioned above.
Earlier in the evening some teens tried to buy tickets to Step Brothers. The cashier asked for IDs and then refused to sell them tickets because they were under age. The teens came back a few minutes later and bought tickets for Hancock. The cashier was suspicious so she flagged the tickets so that the ushers could watch and make sure the kids went to the right theater. They did at first, but two minutes later walked out and entered Step Brothers. Obviously they were excited about seeing Will Ferrell rub his testicles on a drum. They were observed going in so the manager, accompanied by a police officer entered and brought them out. The manager gave them a refund and told them not to try buying R-rated tickets at our theater again. Fifteen minutes later, the same group of morons walk into the lobby and purchase tickets from the kiosk inside. They got no further than the ticket podium where the usher called the manager. The kids protested that they had legally purchased the tickets so we had to let them in. The manager gave them another refund and forbid them from coming to our theater again.
Around 11 PM, my feet were hurting so when I went into auditorium 14 to clean up behind the pigs in Pineapple Express I wanted to finish out my last hour and go home and get off my feet. Of course there were half a dozen people who insisted on staying through all the credits. With six more theaters to clean as well as the syrup room and break room, I turned on the cleaning lights so I could start cleaning. Shouts of protest erupted. "Hey man! We're watching the movie here!" greeted me as I rounded the corner and started sweeping.
"There's nothing at the end." I informed them.
"So maybe we like watching the credits. We paid big bucks to see this movie."
"Buy the DVD when it comes out and read it then. Here, the credits mean only one thing - to give you time to get out so I can clean this dump."
"I want a refund."
"I can't believe you paid to see this junk." I returned.
"Maybe we wanted to be entertained old man!" another punk spouts off.
"This isn't funny." I said. "The Three Stooges, Red Skelton, Abbott and Costello - they're funny. This is for idiots and retards." I threw the last in to piss them off.
"We could have you fired!" one sissy shouted.
"Do you think I give a damn about a job that pays $6.50 an hour? Go ahead. I've already turned in my resignation letter anyway."
The future leaders of the free world got up and stalked angrily towards the door. "This is f....'d up dude!"
The manager never came to yell at me so I guess the guys left to cry in their car. I wasn't too worried about what the managers would say. It's hard finding people to work these jobs; besides our managers are wimps.
Oh yeah, the theater was the mess I expected. Not only are our kids being dumbed down, they're not being taught responsibility at home either. We should all be very afraid.
Saturday night at the theater, our GM walked past me shaking his head. "This is the first time that I've actually feared for our country's future." he said. I asked him what he was talking about, assuming he was talking about the gnat's breadth of difference between Obama and McCain. As it turns out, the GM was talking about the lengths our youths will go through to break the law and disobey authority in order to see movies like those mentioned above.
Earlier in the evening some teens tried to buy tickets to Step Brothers. The cashier asked for IDs and then refused to sell them tickets because they were under age. The teens came back a few minutes later and bought tickets for Hancock. The cashier was suspicious so she flagged the tickets so that the ushers could watch and make sure the kids went to the right theater. They did at first, but two minutes later walked out and entered Step Brothers. Obviously they were excited about seeing Will Ferrell rub his testicles on a drum. They were observed going in so the manager, accompanied by a police officer entered and brought them out. The manager gave them a refund and told them not to try buying R-rated tickets at our theater again. Fifteen minutes later, the same group of morons walk into the lobby and purchase tickets from the kiosk inside. They got no further than the ticket podium where the usher called the manager. The kids protested that they had legally purchased the tickets so we had to let them in. The manager gave them another refund and forbid them from coming to our theater again.
Around 11 PM, my feet were hurting so when I went into auditorium 14 to clean up behind the pigs in Pineapple Express I wanted to finish out my last hour and go home and get off my feet. Of course there were half a dozen people who insisted on staying through all the credits. With six more theaters to clean as well as the syrup room and break room, I turned on the cleaning lights so I could start cleaning. Shouts of protest erupted. "Hey man! We're watching the movie here!" greeted me as I rounded the corner and started sweeping.
"There's nothing at the end." I informed them.
"So maybe we like watching the credits. We paid big bucks to see this movie."
"Buy the DVD when it comes out and read it then. Here, the credits mean only one thing - to give you time to get out so I can clean this dump."
"I want a refund."
"I can't believe you paid to see this junk." I returned.
"Maybe we wanted to be entertained old man!" another punk spouts off.
"This isn't funny." I said. "The Three Stooges, Red Skelton, Abbott and Costello - they're funny. This is for idiots and retards." I threw the last in to piss them off.
"We could have you fired!" one sissy shouted.
"Do you think I give a damn about a job that pays $6.50 an hour? Go ahead. I've already turned in my resignation letter anyway."
The future leaders of the free world got up and stalked angrily towards the door. "This is f....'d up dude!"
The manager never came to yell at me so I guess the guys left to cry in their car. I wasn't too worried about what the managers would say. It's hard finding people to work these jobs; besides our managers are wimps.
Oh yeah, the theater was the mess I expected. Not only are our kids being dumbed down, they're not being taught responsibility at home either. We should all be very afraid.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Swing Vote - 1 Tub
I give this movie only one tub because people aren't coming to see it. It's a different kind of role for Kevin Costner, but he and every member of the cast did an outstanding job to get the message of the movie out there. So it's not only a mistake for people to not come see the movie, the lack of attention it is getting is a symptom of the very subject this movie addresses. First of all, this is a funny movie, but there is so much truth buried in Swing Vote that I was blown away on the drive home last night.
I was particularly impressed that someone in Hollywood actually had a clue as to what is going on in the world today - but obviously one or two do. Swing Vote is as accurate a depiction of the American political scene as has ever been done. It could have come at no better time.
Imagine if you will a nation so evenly divided against itself that there are no black and white issues any longer - everything is gray. Kelsey Grammer plays the incumband Republican President who is concerned with leaving a legacy he can be remembered by - as if being President isn't enough. Dennis Hopper is the Democratic nominee who is in a dead heat match up against his opponent. Both candidates are managed by handlers who are less concerned about what is best for the nation, but about winning the election and furthering their own political futures. Both are qualified, both got into politics because they thought they could make a difference, but find themselves in a system where you can't tell the difference between the two parties any longer. Sound like anything happening in the world today?
Throw in the average American - an apathetic unemployed drunk who thinks only of himself and his daughter. Kevin Costner, as Bud Johnson, represents the 50 percent of Americans who never show up at the polls. He doesn't have a clue what's going on outside his own little world. Then there's daughter Molly who represents the children who will inherit the world we give them. She cares, she's involved, but she has no voice - only the hope that her father will care enough to make her world better. She even has to vote for him because he's too drunk to show up at the polls. There's even one member of the media who has morals and character but is torn between doing what it takes to advance her career or hold on to her ethics.
When it turns out that the country is so divided that the decision is left to one vote in one insignificant town in an insignificant county in a state with only 5 electoral votes, both candidates descend on Texico, New Mexico to convince Bud to give them his vote. Whatever the media shows that Bud might care about, each candidate suddenly adopts that stance: the Republicans turn their back on corporate donors to protect a river and make the Sierra Club happy; Democrats suddenly take an anti-abortion stance. They send celebrities to campaign for them; they throw parties and offer gifts and make promises neither has the intention or ability to keep.
When the future of America rides on the vote of one person, suddenly people start getting involved. Bud is innundated by mail and gifts, asking him to speak for the common man. Unfortunately, he's too busy enjoying the handouts that he doesn't even realize that people are depending on him. Only Molly takes the time to read and to respond and to offer hope to people who've lost hope in our leadership.
At the last minute Bud listens to his daughter and takes his responsibilities seriously. He calls for a debate to allow each candidate, both of whom he's become fond of and who, by this time have come to realize that they've lost touch with their own values. The two candidates for the most powerful nation on earth are brought to an outdoor rodeo arena to tell why they are the best qualified to lead our nation. But first Bud has to come to grips with his own culpability. Bud apologizes to the country for not following his dreams, for not taking advantage of the many, many chances he had been afforded in life because he was born here. He apologizes for never serving, never giving back to the nation that had given him so much. And rather than ask his own questions about issues he really is not intelligent about, he asks questions from the people who've written him asking him to speak for them...the poor, those taken advantage of, those who've done the best that they can but still can't support their families even in the richest country on earth.
The following day as Bud and Molly walk into the voting center, Bud turns around and smiles at Molly before pulling the curtain and casting his vote. Apparently what he heard had given him peace about whom he should vote for. I wish it were that simple for us, that we were engaged and that we cared enough and were confident about the person we are going to elect this November.
It would behoove our two candidates running for office this year to watch Swing Vote and to take an honest look at themselves and determine whether they still have a grasp on what they stand for and whether they have the future of our nation as their number one priority. At some point I'm sure that both candidates were sure about their values and their vision and their ability to lead. They aren't evil men, just men overwhelmed by the complexity of the problems facing our nation; who don't really have the best advisors around them who share their vision for our nation. It would be nice for Senators McCain and Obama to walk into that office bound, not to party affiliation, but to the American ideal that is bigger than the Office of the President, bigger than the voters, bigger than free markets and social reforms. As Molly said in her social studies presentation, that if we don't do the right things now, we're doomed to go the way of all great cultures, doomed to bondage and insignificance.
Swing Vote doesn't pick sides, doesn't answer the most burning social issues; but what it does is to cause us to think about how we can "make a better country by being active changers and refusing to be passive observers... not just for ourselves, but for future generations" (Efrain Gomez - Hollywood Jesus).
I was particularly impressed that someone in Hollywood actually had a clue as to what is going on in the world today - but obviously one or two do. Swing Vote is as accurate a depiction of the American political scene as has ever been done. It could have come at no better time.
Imagine if you will a nation so evenly divided against itself that there are no black and white issues any longer - everything is gray. Kelsey Grammer plays the incumband Republican President who is concerned with leaving a legacy he can be remembered by - as if being President isn't enough. Dennis Hopper is the Democratic nominee who is in a dead heat match up against his opponent. Both candidates are managed by handlers who are less concerned about what is best for the nation, but about winning the election and furthering their own political futures. Both are qualified, both got into politics because they thought they could make a difference, but find themselves in a system where you can't tell the difference between the two parties any longer. Sound like anything happening in the world today?
Throw in the average American - an apathetic unemployed drunk who thinks only of himself and his daughter. Kevin Costner, as Bud Johnson, represents the 50 percent of Americans who never show up at the polls. He doesn't have a clue what's going on outside his own little world. Then there's daughter Molly who represents the children who will inherit the world we give them. She cares, she's involved, but she has no voice - only the hope that her father will care enough to make her world better. She even has to vote for him because he's too drunk to show up at the polls. There's even one member of the media who has morals and character but is torn between doing what it takes to advance her career or hold on to her ethics.
When it turns out that the country is so divided that the decision is left to one vote in one insignificant town in an insignificant county in a state with only 5 electoral votes, both candidates descend on Texico, New Mexico to convince Bud to give them his vote. Whatever the media shows that Bud might care about, each candidate suddenly adopts that stance: the Republicans turn their back on corporate donors to protect a river and make the Sierra Club happy; Democrats suddenly take an anti-abortion stance. They send celebrities to campaign for them; they throw parties and offer gifts and make promises neither has the intention or ability to keep.
When the future of America rides on the vote of one person, suddenly people start getting involved. Bud is innundated by mail and gifts, asking him to speak for the common man. Unfortunately, he's too busy enjoying the handouts that he doesn't even realize that people are depending on him. Only Molly takes the time to read and to respond and to offer hope to people who've lost hope in our leadership.
At the last minute Bud listens to his daughter and takes his responsibilities seriously. He calls for a debate to allow each candidate, both of whom he's become fond of and who, by this time have come to realize that they've lost touch with their own values. The two candidates for the most powerful nation on earth are brought to an outdoor rodeo arena to tell why they are the best qualified to lead our nation. But first Bud has to come to grips with his own culpability. Bud apologizes to the country for not following his dreams, for not taking advantage of the many, many chances he had been afforded in life because he was born here. He apologizes for never serving, never giving back to the nation that had given him so much. And rather than ask his own questions about issues he really is not intelligent about, he asks questions from the people who've written him asking him to speak for them...the poor, those taken advantage of, those who've done the best that they can but still can't support their families even in the richest country on earth.
The following day as Bud and Molly walk into the voting center, Bud turns around and smiles at Molly before pulling the curtain and casting his vote. Apparently what he heard had given him peace about whom he should vote for. I wish it were that simple for us, that we were engaged and that we cared enough and were confident about the person we are going to elect this November.
It would behoove our two candidates running for office this year to watch Swing Vote and to take an honest look at themselves and determine whether they still have a grasp on what they stand for and whether they have the future of our nation as their number one priority. At some point I'm sure that both candidates were sure about their values and their vision and their ability to lead. They aren't evil men, just men overwhelmed by the complexity of the problems facing our nation; who don't really have the best advisors around them who share their vision for our nation. It would be nice for Senators McCain and Obama to walk into that office bound, not to party affiliation, but to the American ideal that is bigger than the Office of the President, bigger than the voters, bigger than free markets and social reforms. As Molly said in her social studies presentation, that if we don't do the right things now, we're doomed to go the way of all great cultures, doomed to bondage and insignificance.
Swing Vote doesn't pick sides, doesn't answer the most burning social issues; but what it does is to cause us to think about how we can "make a better country by being active changers and refusing to be passive observers... not just for ourselves, but for future generations" (Efrain Gomez - Hollywood Jesus).
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