Back in October I turned in my broom and dustpan, shook the hand of the General Manager who was leaving the same time I was, and didn't look back. Some things were changing, some things never will. New management was on the way in with fresh ideas and old employees were on their way out, some to school, others to better paying jobs and me to a new wife.
I've been back to the theater twice since leaving. The bathrooms are just as dirty - but ushers no longer have to sign a sheet saying it was cleaned; nor do they have to sign an auditorium check sheet, they only have to stand at the front of the auditorium so you can see they're checking. The clocks have been removed - pretty stupid. The idea was that the employees were watching the clock too much, but we needed those clocks so we'd know when it was time to clean the next theater. Now ushers have to use their cell phones, which the management has forbidden on the floor. No one wears a watch anymore.
The combination to the doors have been changed, but the employees told me the new code - hoping I'll come back and shoot the breeze and complain about having to work for $6.50 an hour. But I'm not going back. I'm having too much fun going home to my wife after working my real job. We cook meals together, clean the house together, watch TV together, and do things together that are more fun than doing them alone.
I've seen "Australia" and "Quantum of Solace" as a paying customer. The movies were good, but the same customers are leaving their trash behind. Some things won't ever change.
This is the busy season for the theater. A year ago, I worked nine hours without a break, standing at the front door tearing tickets and greeting customers with "Merry Christmas". Then I went home and prepared a TV dinner. This year I'll be with my wife at her folks' house in Nebraska. Maybe there will be snow for Christmas! Perhaps I'll pause and reflect on my former co-workers who're making a whole $9.75 an hour for working on Christmas Day.
I think I'll check out Will Smith's new movie, "7 Pounds", and the new movie by Clint Eastwood, "Gran Torino".
Merry Christmas to all.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Fireproof
Fireproof is a low-budget Christian movie that is drawing modest attendance. The movie cost about $500,000 to produce, so it should easily make a profit; especially when it comes out on DVD.
The movie is about a fire chief captain (played by Kirk Cameron) who's marriage is on the rocks. Kirk's father convinces his son to devote 40 days to saving the marriage. The movie is full of Christianese. Kirk's father sounds more like a minister than a father. Still, it's a good movie that brought about many tears.
I was still wiping tears away while sweeping the aisles. Unlike Tyler Perry movies, Christian movies are easy to clean. One expects lots of trash in urban ghetto movies, or in kids movies or what passes for comedy today. We don't expect trash in chick-flicks and certainly not in a Christian movie. So I was surprised to find two popcorn bags in the seats at the top of the auditorium.
Now I'm not God. I don't know if those bags were left by heathens or by Democrats disguised as Christians, or even by young people who belong to a youth group because it's an excuse to hang out together and hopefully get lucky. All I know is that thinking Christians would not have left their sins behind so that an innocent usher would have to suffer on their behalf. Like most Christians who are sinned upon, I cursed the person who left the bags for me to clean up.
Perhaps there is a double standard here. We expect certain movies to be filthy just because of the nature of the audience. Those are the sins of commission. But the worst sins are those of ommission - the sins of not doing the right thing; in this case, taking out your own trash.
In some churches, leaving trash in the seats would not be considered a sin. Those churches have compromised with the world so much that it's hard to tell their members from the unbelievers. I belong to the denomination that teaches the truth - that you reap what you sow; even if you get your just rewards on the other side in the form of a shack, instead of the mansion everybody else gets who took out their trash.
The real issue here isn't whether it's right for Christians to take responsibility for their own sinful trash in Christian movies, but whether they have the right to sin in R-Rated movies; or even in G-rated movies. Can you call yourself a Christian if you only act righteously in Christian movies but like the world when you're in a worldly movie?
This may be too much Christianese for those of you who aren't Christians but who love going to movies. If you're one of those people, I would encourage you to go see Fireproof. Not only will you sit in the comfort of a relatively clean auditorium; you'll actually laugh and cry at what you see on the screen. Maybe you'll see the light and start taking your trash with you when you leave all movies. God surely works in mysterious ways.
The movie is about a fire chief captain (played by Kirk Cameron) who's marriage is on the rocks. Kirk's father convinces his son to devote 40 days to saving the marriage. The movie is full of Christianese. Kirk's father sounds more like a minister than a father. Still, it's a good movie that brought about many tears.
I was still wiping tears away while sweeping the aisles. Unlike Tyler Perry movies, Christian movies are easy to clean. One expects lots of trash in urban ghetto movies, or in kids movies or what passes for comedy today. We don't expect trash in chick-flicks and certainly not in a Christian movie. So I was surprised to find two popcorn bags in the seats at the top of the auditorium.
Now I'm not God. I don't know if those bags were left by heathens or by Democrats disguised as Christians, or even by young people who belong to a youth group because it's an excuse to hang out together and hopefully get lucky. All I know is that thinking Christians would not have left their sins behind so that an innocent usher would have to suffer on their behalf. Like most Christians who are sinned upon, I cursed the person who left the bags for me to clean up.
Perhaps there is a double standard here. We expect certain movies to be filthy just because of the nature of the audience. Those are the sins of commission. But the worst sins are those of ommission - the sins of not doing the right thing; in this case, taking out your own trash.
In some churches, leaving trash in the seats would not be considered a sin. Those churches have compromised with the world so much that it's hard to tell their members from the unbelievers. I belong to the denomination that teaches the truth - that you reap what you sow; even if you get your just rewards on the other side in the form of a shack, instead of the mansion everybody else gets who took out their trash.
The real issue here isn't whether it's right for Christians to take responsibility for their own sinful trash in Christian movies, but whether they have the right to sin in R-Rated movies; or even in G-rated movies. Can you call yourself a Christian if you only act righteously in Christian movies but like the world when you're in a worldly movie?
This may be too much Christianese for those of you who aren't Christians but who love going to movies. If you're one of those people, I would encourage you to go see Fireproof. Not only will you sit in the comfort of a relatively clean auditorium; you'll actually laugh and cry at what you see on the screen. Maybe you'll see the light and start taking your trash with you when you leave all movies. God surely works in mysterious ways.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Back Part-Time on a Part-Time Job
With all the kids going back to school or college, the theater is a bit short-staffed this fall; so the manager asked me if I could work a few nights a week until my wedding in November. I said OK: the price of gas and not being able to get my money out of my 401k led me to believe this is a more sound fiscal decision than simply watching TV at night.
I wish I could report that people have gotten neater in my short absence; but they haven't. Even white people are getting messier. My daughter says that I'm a racist; but my pastor insists that I'm simply a bigot: I don't like anyone. I'm an equal opportunity discriminator. And honestly, I don't dislike black people. At least they speak English...even if every other word is 'm@#$%^-f@&*&#'. I do think they need to lighten up a bit and stob grabbing their crotch like it's the last thing white people haven't taken from them. Can't we all just get along and take out our own trash?
I've taken the opportunity to watch Tyler Perry's "The Family That Preys". Kathy Bates is funny; and Gladys Knight does an amazing job on LeAnn Womacks "I Hope You Dance". Fortunately, I saw the movie during the week and only a handful of people were present. I enjoy Tyler Perry's movies but have always had a problem with the way his fans treat the theater. "The Family That Preys" was no exception, despite my writing to him and asking him to speak to his fans about being responsible. He hasn't. But Tyler did send an email yesterday encouraging his fans to register to vote for Barack Obama this election. I was surprised to learn that this is the first time Tyler has registered to vote since he moved to Atlanta over 15 years ago. Don't get me wrong: Tyler Perry is a wonderful human being. He puts his money where his mouth is and helps a lot of people. I just don't think that voting for change is going to change anything.
I also saw the new movie with Al Pacino and Robert Deniro, "Righteous Kill". It was OK. Both men are getting too old to pull of being cops; and their fans are slobs. "Lakeview Terrace" starring Samuel L. Jackson garnered the top seat this past weekend. It's a better movie than "Righteous Kill" and shows that blacks can be racists too. We always knew that by listening to Farakahn, Sharpton and Jess Jackson, but Samuel L Jackson pulled off a convincing cop who's got a problem with a white man and a black woman being married. I know it is realistic because I used to be married to a black woman, in the South, in the 1970s. Both whites and blacks had issues with our marriage. Fortunately, no one got shot over it.
"Nights In Rodanthe" comes to theaters tomorrow. Some people who came to the sneak peek last night for "Miracle at St. Anna" saw the sneak peek for "Nights In Rodanthe" and said that they enjoyed the movie...especially since it was filmed here in Raleigh and the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I think Kevin Costner should have gotten the lead role, but Richard Gere probably needed the money. The thing I like about movies based on Nicholas Sparks' novels is that the movies stick pretty closely with the original story. There are rumors that the sequel to "The Notebook" is in production. "The Wedding" is my favorite of all of Nicholas Sparks' books, so if they do this one right, it's going to be a blockbuster.
Prices for tickets and concessions went up the other weekend. Fuel surcharges, declining movie attendance, and the need to hire more employees and managers to clean up after those who do come are responsible for the increase. You can't bring your doggy bags and magnum bottles and leave them in the seats and not contribute to rising costs to clean up after you. Barack Obama promises to give 95% of Americans tax breaks and make it up by taxing corporations. I don't know about you, but I'm not naive enough to think that those higher taxes aren't going to be passed along to consumers in the form of fewer jobs and higher prices; nor should you be surprised to learn that when you bring outside food and drinks into a theater, you're cutting into the concessions where theaters make their profit. No profits - higher costs to make up the loss of revenue. It's a cycle. You can't do one thing without affecting something else. It's naive to think that voting for change is going to result in something better than what we already have...especially if the candidate doesn't have specific plans and goals.
So you see, your slovenly and cheap ways combined with a candidate that promises to take more of your hard-earned money is what is behind the mortgage crisis the country is facing today. It's the fault of movie-goers that people are losing their houses and having to go on welfare. If only you had purchased your snacks at the concession stand and consumed everything you purchased, America would not be cash-strapped today. But don't assume that I want you to vote for John McCain instead of Barack Obama. McCain is part of the problem, as is Joe Biden. I want you to vote for Sarah Palin. She's hot. And since it isn't moose season, she can spend her time kicking the butts of those people who make excuses for people's bad behavior. There is a direct link from liberal politics to the way certain people treat theaters. When they've been lied to and brainwashed into believing that they are victims and not responsible for their decisions, the result is a dumbing down of America. Unless we elect Sarah Palin President of the United States of America, our nation is on track to becoming another third-world nation, like our neighbors to the south. But we'll still be snobs, like our neighbors to the north. Only in Sarah Palin do we strive for something greater than ourselves.
This message has not been approved by Sarah Palin or the old guy at the top of the ticket.
In these troubled times, don't waste your money on stupid entertainment or accumulating possessions. Don't give your money to the government so they can spend it on things that are not important to you. Invest in your future; order my book "Victory Over Debt - Change Your Mind and You'll Change Your Life"; available only from my garage where they've been stored for over a year. Order now and I'll knock 50% off the already low-low price of $30.00. The next 20 customers who order VOD can purchase my book for only $15.00 (plus $3.95 shipping to the 48 continuous states). Be debt free in five years - and it won't matter how much the price of gas rises. If you have employment, you'll be able to fill your gas tank at least every week, possible two or three times! Imagine the freedom of being able to drive to a theater and be able to pay cash for your tickets! No more putting entertainment on your credit card. No more putting only $20 in your gas tank just to get you home after work. No more having to settle for hand-outs from the government. Take responsibility for your future and order today.
Seriously, order today.
I'm serious. The books are in my garage. I can ship immediately. Just respond to this article with your email and I'll contact you for your mailing address. Sorry, no personal checks or credit cards. Money orders or cashiers checks only - drawn from banks who are not in bankruptcy or under investigation by the FBI.
I'm serious. "Victory Over Debt" can change your life. Just $15 (plus $3.95 for shipping) to the first 20 customers. I need the money to buy a wedding band. Be the first to order your personally autographed copy of "Victory Over Debt - Change Your Mind and You'll Change Your Life" written by your's truly.
Enjoy the movies.
I wish I could report that people have gotten neater in my short absence; but they haven't. Even white people are getting messier. My daughter says that I'm a racist; but my pastor insists that I'm simply a bigot: I don't like anyone. I'm an equal opportunity discriminator. And honestly, I don't dislike black people. At least they speak English...even if every other word is 'm@#$%^-f@&*&#'. I do think they need to lighten up a bit and stob grabbing their crotch like it's the last thing white people haven't taken from them. Can't we all just get along and take out our own trash?
I've taken the opportunity to watch Tyler Perry's "The Family That Preys". Kathy Bates is funny; and Gladys Knight does an amazing job on LeAnn Womacks "I Hope You Dance". Fortunately, I saw the movie during the week and only a handful of people were present. I enjoy Tyler Perry's movies but have always had a problem with the way his fans treat the theater. "The Family That Preys" was no exception, despite my writing to him and asking him to speak to his fans about being responsible. He hasn't. But Tyler did send an email yesterday encouraging his fans to register to vote for Barack Obama this election. I was surprised to learn that this is the first time Tyler has registered to vote since he moved to Atlanta over 15 years ago. Don't get me wrong: Tyler Perry is a wonderful human being. He puts his money where his mouth is and helps a lot of people. I just don't think that voting for change is going to change anything.
I also saw the new movie with Al Pacino and Robert Deniro, "Righteous Kill". It was OK. Both men are getting too old to pull of being cops; and their fans are slobs. "Lakeview Terrace" starring Samuel L. Jackson garnered the top seat this past weekend. It's a better movie than "Righteous Kill" and shows that blacks can be racists too. We always knew that by listening to Farakahn, Sharpton and Jess Jackson, but Samuel L Jackson pulled off a convincing cop who's got a problem with a white man and a black woman being married. I know it is realistic because I used to be married to a black woman, in the South, in the 1970s. Both whites and blacks had issues with our marriage. Fortunately, no one got shot over it.
"Nights In Rodanthe" comes to theaters tomorrow. Some people who came to the sneak peek last night for "Miracle at St. Anna" saw the sneak peek for "Nights In Rodanthe" and said that they enjoyed the movie...especially since it was filmed here in Raleigh and the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I think Kevin Costner should have gotten the lead role, but Richard Gere probably needed the money. The thing I like about movies based on Nicholas Sparks' novels is that the movies stick pretty closely with the original story. There are rumors that the sequel to "The Notebook" is in production. "The Wedding" is my favorite of all of Nicholas Sparks' books, so if they do this one right, it's going to be a blockbuster.
Prices for tickets and concessions went up the other weekend. Fuel surcharges, declining movie attendance, and the need to hire more employees and managers to clean up after those who do come are responsible for the increase. You can't bring your doggy bags and magnum bottles and leave them in the seats and not contribute to rising costs to clean up after you. Barack Obama promises to give 95% of Americans tax breaks and make it up by taxing corporations. I don't know about you, but I'm not naive enough to think that those higher taxes aren't going to be passed along to consumers in the form of fewer jobs and higher prices; nor should you be surprised to learn that when you bring outside food and drinks into a theater, you're cutting into the concessions where theaters make their profit. No profits - higher costs to make up the loss of revenue. It's a cycle. You can't do one thing without affecting something else. It's naive to think that voting for change is going to result in something better than what we already have...especially if the candidate doesn't have specific plans and goals.
So you see, your slovenly and cheap ways combined with a candidate that promises to take more of your hard-earned money is what is behind the mortgage crisis the country is facing today. It's the fault of movie-goers that people are losing their houses and having to go on welfare. If only you had purchased your snacks at the concession stand and consumed everything you purchased, America would not be cash-strapped today. But don't assume that I want you to vote for John McCain instead of Barack Obama. McCain is part of the problem, as is Joe Biden. I want you to vote for Sarah Palin. She's hot. And since it isn't moose season, she can spend her time kicking the butts of those people who make excuses for people's bad behavior. There is a direct link from liberal politics to the way certain people treat theaters. When they've been lied to and brainwashed into believing that they are victims and not responsible for their decisions, the result is a dumbing down of America. Unless we elect Sarah Palin President of the United States of America, our nation is on track to becoming another third-world nation, like our neighbors to the south. But we'll still be snobs, like our neighbors to the north. Only in Sarah Palin do we strive for something greater than ourselves.
This message has not been approved by Sarah Palin or the old guy at the top of the ticket.
In these troubled times, don't waste your money on stupid entertainment or accumulating possessions. Don't give your money to the government so they can spend it on things that are not important to you. Invest in your future; order my book "Victory Over Debt - Change Your Mind and You'll Change Your Life"; available only from my garage where they've been stored for over a year. Order now and I'll knock 50% off the already low-low price of $30.00. The next 20 customers who order VOD can purchase my book for only $15.00 (plus $3.95 shipping to the 48 continuous states). Be debt free in five years - and it won't matter how much the price of gas rises. If you have employment, you'll be able to fill your gas tank at least every week, possible two or three times! Imagine the freedom of being able to drive to a theater and be able to pay cash for your tickets! No more putting entertainment on your credit card. No more putting only $20 in your gas tank just to get you home after work. No more having to settle for hand-outs from the government. Take responsibility for your future and order today.
Seriously, order today.
I'm serious. The books are in my garage. I can ship immediately. Just respond to this article with your email and I'll contact you for your mailing address. Sorry, no personal checks or credit cards. Money orders or cashiers checks only - drawn from banks who are not in bankruptcy or under investigation by the FBI.
I'm serious. "Victory Over Debt" can change your life. Just $15 (plus $3.95 for shipping) to the first 20 customers. I need the money to buy a wedding band. Be the first to order your personally autographed copy of "Victory Over Debt - Change Your Mind and You'll Change Your Life" written by your's truly.
Enjoy the movies.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
My Last Night at the Theater
Tuesday was my last night at the theater. It was quiet; schools are back in session, there's nothing worth watching except the final few days of Mama Mia! and the Dark Knight. Traitor, starring Don Cheadle, starts on Wednesday; along with Hamlet 2 - the "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" farce that won't last more than one week. Fortunately, I won't be there on September 12th to clean up behind Tyler Perry's 'The Family That Preys'. Tyler is great - his fans don't know the meaning of respect and responsibility.
There were only six of us working Tuesday night: myself, as usher, one concessionaire, one ticket-taker, one in the box office, a floor manager who barely left the office all night, and the manager in the projector booth. We only sold a little over 200 tickets the entire day. No theater had more than 15 people watching any movie.
In Mama Mia!, a card-carrying AARP member tried to hit on me. She wanted to dance, I wanted to get off my feet. Besides being happily engaged, I've never been attracted to women as old or older than myself. Everyone who sees Mama Mia! leaves the theater happier for the experience, and I was more than a little relieved when she followed her daughter out of the auditorium. There was not even one piece of popcorn to sweep up, so I was happy too.
Our girl in the box office came up to me to ask me to attend to the ladies bathroom. I offered her the broom, but she declined. What she really wanted was for me to go in there and repair the missing panel and stall door that once divided two toilets. The wall panel fell in on a customer a couple of months ago, striking her about the head and knees as she was squatting at the time. The general manager has no room in the budget to repair the toilet, clean the carpets, mend the torn wallpaper, mount the fire extinguishers someone ripped off the walls in half the auditoriums, replace the broken track lights that help people see their way up and down the steps; no maintenance person who knows how to tighten the screws on the soda syrup pumps so that they will stop dripping on the floor and attracting ants. The exterminator hasn't been able to get rid of the fire ants that dug through the concrete floor and built a huge anthill in the electric room where all the breakers are located. Nor has the exterminator sprayed the corners and ceilings inside and outside the theater to get rid of all the spiders who live there. Somewhere there is a huge hive of yellow jackets that hang out around the dumpsters and harrass me when I throw out the trash - they haven't been taken care of either. Basically, our facilities are in sad shape. But, as I told the box office girl, Tuesday night was my last night and I can't do anything to help.
After I cleaned the last set for the evening, I cleaned the breakroom and the syrup room one last time, then hid my broom and dustpan behind the ice machine where I've hidden it for months. I made one round of movie checks, clocked out and snuck out the side door without saying goodbye to anyone. I'm sure I'll see them again - but as a customer from now on.
I'll miss some of the folks I worked with...well maybe two: Abbas, the Pakistani manager who only works on Saturday nights, and a young female college student who's name I can't remember; who will leave soon to return to school in California. She's been the hardest working, most positive, sweetest person I've ever worked with. She's a conservative - which attests to her wisdom and maturity; and she thinks that Ronald Reagan is the best President America has ever had. I do too. Both she and Abbas are patriots, and we enjoyed lots of conversations about politics, school, and family. Actually, I'll miss some of the others too, even the usher who only talks about French food, Asian women, and soccer - he never shuts up, but he enjoys taking the trash out so I didn't have to. The managers and employees at the theater were OK people by me. I wish them well; and I hope that some day - maybe if Barack brings about the changes he promises, that customers will learn to be neat, respectful, and human - not like the pigs I cleaned up behind for the past ten months.
There were only six of us working Tuesday night: myself, as usher, one concessionaire, one ticket-taker, one in the box office, a floor manager who barely left the office all night, and the manager in the projector booth. We only sold a little over 200 tickets the entire day. No theater had more than 15 people watching any movie.
In Mama Mia!, a card-carrying AARP member tried to hit on me. She wanted to dance, I wanted to get off my feet. Besides being happily engaged, I've never been attracted to women as old or older than myself. Everyone who sees Mama Mia! leaves the theater happier for the experience, and I was more than a little relieved when she followed her daughter out of the auditorium. There was not even one piece of popcorn to sweep up, so I was happy too.
Our girl in the box office came up to me to ask me to attend to the ladies bathroom. I offered her the broom, but she declined. What she really wanted was for me to go in there and repair the missing panel and stall door that once divided two toilets. The wall panel fell in on a customer a couple of months ago, striking her about the head and knees as she was squatting at the time. The general manager has no room in the budget to repair the toilet, clean the carpets, mend the torn wallpaper, mount the fire extinguishers someone ripped off the walls in half the auditoriums, replace the broken track lights that help people see their way up and down the steps; no maintenance person who knows how to tighten the screws on the soda syrup pumps so that they will stop dripping on the floor and attracting ants. The exterminator hasn't been able to get rid of the fire ants that dug through the concrete floor and built a huge anthill in the electric room where all the breakers are located. Nor has the exterminator sprayed the corners and ceilings inside and outside the theater to get rid of all the spiders who live there. Somewhere there is a huge hive of yellow jackets that hang out around the dumpsters and harrass me when I throw out the trash - they haven't been taken care of either. Basically, our facilities are in sad shape. But, as I told the box office girl, Tuesday night was my last night and I can't do anything to help.
After I cleaned the last set for the evening, I cleaned the breakroom and the syrup room one last time, then hid my broom and dustpan behind the ice machine where I've hidden it for months. I made one round of movie checks, clocked out and snuck out the side door without saying goodbye to anyone. I'm sure I'll see them again - but as a customer from now on.
I'll miss some of the folks I worked with...well maybe two: Abbas, the Pakistani manager who only works on Saturday nights, and a young female college student who's name I can't remember; who will leave soon to return to school in California. She's been the hardest working, most positive, sweetest person I've ever worked with. She's a conservative - which attests to her wisdom and maturity; and she thinks that Ronald Reagan is the best President America has ever had. I do too. Both she and Abbas are patriots, and we enjoyed lots of conversations about politics, school, and family. Actually, I'll miss some of the others too, even the usher who only talks about French food, Asian women, and soccer - he never shuts up, but he enjoys taking the trash out so I didn't have to. The managers and employees at the theater were OK people by me. I wish them well; and I hope that some day - maybe if Barack brings about the changes he promises, that customers will learn to be neat, respectful, and human - not like the pigs I cleaned up behind for the past ten months.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Tropic Thunder - 4 Tubs
This is another loser movie that attracts those who simply want to be 'entertained'. If you need crude vulgarity to be entertained, then go see this movie - it's full of it.
There's nothing after the credits, so get out so we can clean the auditorium. For those who didn't get enough 'f*#@ this s)^!' and 'm*@#&^$-f*#@ers', there's plenty more in the credit music. As with all loser movies, (Semi-Pro, Step Brothers, Harold and Kumar, Pineapple Express, ad nauseum), body fluids, bodily sounds, and much too often - male frontal nudity is what brings the teens, college students and single black women with their four children by four different sperm donors.
Saturday afternoon we spotted four children, the oldest of which was maybe 12 years old, enter Tropic Thunder. As this is an R-rated movie, we're bound by state and federal laws to protect children from the content of these movies. Most parents who find out that their kids snuck in to see an R-rated movie would be on the phone complaining to the corporate office. Not so for these four kids' mom. We asked for their ticket stubs and they said that their mom had them. We asked them to leave the theater until their mom appeared with the tickets. When she finally came out of the bathroom, the manager asked to see the ticket stubs. She said, "What business is it of yours? in a rather rude voice. The manager replied, "I'm the manager. This is an R-rated movie and minors can't be in these movies without an adult being present with them." She then told the manager to mind his own f'ing business and get out of her mf'ing face; and walked her four illegitimate children in to watch a movie with more curse words and sexual references than anything since Step Brothers - but those kids have probably heard that and more at home, judging by the mother. The oldest daughter did appear to be ashamed of her mother's behavior, so there's hope for at least one of these kids. I hope that the oldest girl escapes and is able to lead a successful life in spite of her mom's poor parenting skills.
I'm glad this was my last weekend at the theater because I'm sick to death of customers like this bitch. ('Bitch' should be in the Bible because that's the only description that fits some people - and God knows she's a bitch, and was purposed to be a bitch before He breathed her into her mother's over-used womb). Needless to say there was a mess under those five seats after the movie was over.
In the ten months that I've worked at this theater, I've come to believe that people aren't basically good as some would claim. Most are inconsiderate, rude, and slovenly. I'm having a difficult time trying to see what Jesus loves about these people. This is the point in Tropic Thunder where Robert Downey Jr, playing a black Army sergeant, would demand, "What do you mean by 'these people?" Maybe after I've had a few months to detox I won't be so negative and judgmental...but don't hold your breath.
There's nothing after the credits, so get out so we can clean the auditorium. For those who didn't get enough 'f*#@ this s)^!' and 'm*@#&^$-f*#@ers', there's plenty more in the credit music. As with all loser movies, (Semi-Pro, Step Brothers, Harold and Kumar, Pineapple Express, ad nauseum), body fluids, bodily sounds, and much too often - male frontal nudity is what brings the teens, college students and single black women with their four children by four different sperm donors.
Saturday afternoon we spotted four children, the oldest of which was maybe 12 years old, enter Tropic Thunder. As this is an R-rated movie, we're bound by state and federal laws to protect children from the content of these movies. Most parents who find out that their kids snuck in to see an R-rated movie would be on the phone complaining to the corporate office. Not so for these four kids' mom. We asked for their ticket stubs and they said that their mom had them. We asked them to leave the theater until their mom appeared with the tickets. When she finally came out of the bathroom, the manager asked to see the ticket stubs. She said, "What business is it of yours? in a rather rude voice. The manager replied, "I'm the manager. This is an R-rated movie and minors can't be in these movies without an adult being present with them." She then told the manager to mind his own f'ing business and get out of her mf'ing face; and walked her four illegitimate children in to watch a movie with more curse words and sexual references than anything since Step Brothers - but those kids have probably heard that and more at home, judging by the mother. The oldest daughter did appear to be ashamed of her mother's behavior, so there's hope for at least one of these kids. I hope that the oldest girl escapes and is able to lead a successful life in spite of her mom's poor parenting skills.
I'm glad this was my last weekend at the theater because I'm sick to death of customers like this bitch. ('Bitch' should be in the Bible because that's the only description that fits some people - and God knows she's a bitch, and was purposed to be a bitch before He breathed her into her mother's over-used womb). Needless to say there was a mess under those five seats after the movie was over.
In the ten months that I've worked at this theater, I've come to believe that people aren't basically good as some would claim. Most are inconsiderate, rude, and slovenly. I'm having a difficult time trying to see what Jesus loves about these people. This is the point in Tropic Thunder where Robert Downey Jr, playing a black Army sergeant, would demand, "What do you mean by 'these people?" Maybe after I've had a few months to detox I won't be so negative and judgmental...but don't hold your breath.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Step Brothers/Pineapple Express - 4 Tubs each
These two movies are what I term, 'loser movies'. They're in the same gendre as Harold & Kumar, Don't Mess With the Zohan, Semi-Pro, Blades of Glory, and the upcoming Tropic Thunder. The people who are attracted to loser movies are teenagers, college students, and pedophiles. Loser movies glorify animalistic sex, suggest that marijuana will solve most, if not all, of America's problems, and pretend that depravity and vulgarity are actually funny. Obviously public school and college students think so because they don't mind plunking down the bucks to see this crap.
Saturday night at the theater, our GM walked past me shaking his head. "This is the first time that I've actually feared for our country's future." he said. I asked him what he was talking about, assuming he was talking about the gnat's breadth of difference between Obama and McCain. As it turns out, the GM was talking about the lengths our youths will go through to break the law and disobey authority in order to see movies like those mentioned above.
Earlier in the evening some teens tried to buy tickets to Step Brothers. The cashier asked for IDs and then refused to sell them tickets because they were under age. The teens came back a few minutes later and bought tickets for Hancock. The cashier was suspicious so she flagged the tickets so that the ushers could watch and make sure the kids went to the right theater. They did at first, but two minutes later walked out and entered Step Brothers. Obviously they were excited about seeing Will Ferrell rub his testicles on a drum. They were observed going in so the manager, accompanied by a police officer entered and brought them out. The manager gave them a refund and told them not to try buying R-rated tickets at our theater again. Fifteen minutes later, the same group of morons walk into the lobby and purchase tickets from the kiosk inside. They got no further than the ticket podium where the usher called the manager. The kids protested that they had legally purchased the tickets so we had to let them in. The manager gave them another refund and forbid them from coming to our theater again.
Around 11 PM, my feet were hurting so when I went into auditorium 14 to clean up behind the pigs in Pineapple Express I wanted to finish out my last hour and go home and get off my feet. Of course there were half a dozen people who insisted on staying through all the credits. With six more theaters to clean as well as the syrup room and break room, I turned on the cleaning lights so I could start cleaning. Shouts of protest erupted. "Hey man! We're watching the movie here!" greeted me as I rounded the corner and started sweeping.
"There's nothing at the end." I informed them.
"So maybe we like watching the credits. We paid big bucks to see this movie."
"Buy the DVD when it comes out and read it then. Here, the credits mean only one thing - to give you time to get out so I can clean this dump."
"I want a refund."
"I can't believe you paid to see this junk." I returned.
"Maybe we wanted to be entertained old man!" another punk spouts off.
"This isn't funny." I said. "The Three Stooges, Red Skelton, Abbott and Costello - they're funny. This is for idiots and retards." I threw the last in to piss them off.
"We could have you fired!" one sissy shouted.
"Do you think I give a damn about a job that pays $6.50 an hour? Go ahead. I've already turned in my resignation letter anyway."
The future leaders of the free world got up and stalked angrily towards the door. "This is f....'d up dude!"
The manager never came to yell at me so I guess the guys left to cry in their car. I wasn't too worried about what the managers would say. It's hard finding people to work these jobs; besides our managers are wimps.
Oh yeah, the theater was the mess I expected. Not only are our kids being dumbed down, they're not being taught responsibility at home either. We should all be very afraid.
Saturday night at the theater, our GM walked past me shaking his head. "This is the first time that I've actually feared for our country's future." he said. I asked him what he was talking about, assuming he was talking about the gnat's breadth of difference between Obama and McCain. As it turns out, the GM was talking about the lengths our youths will go through to break the law and disobey authority in order to see movies like those mentioned above.
Earlier in the evening some teens tried to buy tickets to Step Brothers. The cashier asked for IDs and then refused to sell them tickets because they were under age. The teens came back a few minutes later and bought tickets for Hancock. The cashier was suspicious so she flagged the tickets so that the ushers could watch and make sure the kids went to the right theater. They did at first, but two minutes later walked out and entered Step Brothers. Obviously they were excited about seeing Will Ferrell rub his testicles on a drum. They were observed going in so the manager, accompanied by a police officer entered and brought them out. The manager gave them a refund and told them not to try buying R-rated tickets at our theater again. Fifteen minutes later, the same group of morons walk into the lobby and purchase tickets from the kiosk inside. They got no further than the ticket podium where the usher called the manager. The kids protested that they had legally purchased the tickets so we had to let them in. The manager gave them another refund and forbid them from coming to our theater again.
Around 11 PM, my feet were hurting so when I went into auditorium 14 to clean up behind the pigs in Pineapple Express I wanted to finish out my last hour and go home and get off my feet. Of course there were half a dozen people who insisted on staying through all the credits. With six more theaters to clean as well as the syrup room and break room, I turned on the cleaning lights so I could start cleaning. Shouts of protest erupted. "Hey man! We're watching the movie here!" greeted me as I rounded the corner and started sweeping.
"There's nothing at the end." I informed them.
"So maybe we like watching the credits. We paid big bucks to see this movie."
"Buy the DVD when it comes out and read it then. Here, the credits mean only one thing - to give you time to get out so I can clean this dump."
"I want a refund."
"I can't believe you paid to see this junk." I returned.
"Maybe we wanted to be entertained old man!" another punk spouts off.
"This isn't funny." I said. "The Three Stooges, Red Skelton, Abbott and Costello - they're funny. This is for idiots and retards." I threw the last in to piss them off.
"We could have you fired!" one sissy shouted.
"Do you think I give a damn about a job that pays $6.50 an hour? Go ahead. I've already turned in my resignation letter anyway."
The future leaders of the free world got up and stalked angrily towards the door. "This is f....'d up dude!"
The manager never came to yell at me so I guess the guys left to cry in their car. I wasn't too worried about what the managers would say. It's hard finding people to work these jobs; besides our managers are wimps.
Oh yeah, the theater was the mess I expected. Not only are our kids being dumbed down, they're not being taught responsibility at home either. We should all be very afraid.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Swing Vote - 1 Tub
I give this movie only one tub because people aren't coming to see it. It's a different kind of role for Kevin Costner, but he and every member of the cast did an outstanding job to get the message of the movie out there. So it's not only a mistake for people to not come see the movie, the lack of attention it is getting is a symptom of the very subject this movie addresses. First of all, this is a funny movie, but there is so much truth buried in Swing Vote that I was blown away on the drive home last night.
I was particularly impressed that someone in Hollywood actually had a clue as to what is going on in the world today - but obviously one or two do. Swing Vote is as accurate a depiction of the American political scene as has ever been done. It could have come at no better time.
Imagine if you will a nation so evenly divided against itself that there are no black and white issues any longer - everything is gray. Kelsey Grammer plays the incumband Republican President who is concerned with leaving a legacy he can be remembered by - as if being President isn't enough. Dennis Hopper is the Democratic nominee who is in a dead heat match up against his opponent. Both candidates are managed by handlers who are less concerned about what is best for the nation, but about winning the election and furthering their own political futures. Both are qualified, both got into politics because they thought they could make a difference, but find themselves in a system where you can't tell the difference between the two parties any longer. Sound like anything happening in the world today?
Throw in the average American - an apathetic unemployed drunk who thinks only of himself and his daughter. Kevin Costner, as Bud Johnson, represents the 50 percent of Americans who never show up at the polls. He doesn't have a clue what's going on outside his own little world. Then there's daughter Molly who represents the children who will inherit the world we give them. She cares, she's involved, but she has no voice - only the hope that her father will care enough to make her world better. She even has to vote for him because he's too drunk to show up at the polls. There's even one member of the media who has morals and character but is torn between doing what it takes to advance her career or hold on to her ethics.
When it turns out that the country is so divided that the decision is left to one vote in one insignificant town in an insignificant county in a state with only 5 electoral votes, both candidates descend on Texico, New Mexico to convince Bud to give them his vote. Whatever the media shows that Bud might care about, each candidate suddenly adopts that stance: the Republicans turn their back on corporate donors to protect a river and make the Sierra Club happy; Democrats suddenly take an anti-abortion stance. They send celebrities to campaign for them; they throw parties and offer gifts and make promises neither has the intention or ability to keep.
When the future of America rides on the vote of one person, suddenly people start getting involved. Bud is innundated by mail and gifts, asking him to speak for the common man. Unfortunately, he's too busy enjoying the handouts that he doesn't even realize that people are depending on him. Only Molly takes the time to read and to respond and to offer hope to people who've lost hope in our leadership.
At the last minute Bud listens to his daughter and takes his responsibilities seriously. He calls for a debate to allow each candidate, both of whom he's become fond of and who, by this time have come to realize that they've lost touch with their own values. The two candidates for the most powerful nation on earth are brought to an outdoor rodeo arena to tell why they are the best qualified to lead our nation. But first Bud has to come to grips with his own culpability. Bud apologizes to the country for not following his dreams, for not taking advantage of the many, many chances he had been afforded in life because he was born here. He apologizes for never serving, never giving back to the nation that had given him so much. And rather than ask his own questions about issues he really is not intelligent about, he asks questions from the people who've written him asking him to speak for them...the poor, those taken advantage of, those who've done the best that they can but still can't support their families even in the richest country on earth.
The following day as Bud and Molly walk into the voting center, Bud turns around and smiles at Molly before pulling the curtain and casting his vote. Apparently what he heard had given him peace about whom he should vote for. I wish it were that simple for us, that we were engaged and that we cared enough and were confident about the person we are going to elect this November.
It would behoove our two candidates running for office this year to watch Swing Vote and to take an honest look at themselves and determine whether they still have a grasp on what they stand for and whether they have the future of our nation as their number one priority. At some point I'm sure that both candidates were sure about their values and their vision and their ability to lead. They aren't evil men, just men overwhelmed by the complexity of the problems facing our nation; who don't really have the best advisors around them who share their vision for our nation. It would be nice for Senators McCain and Obama to walk into that office bound, not to party affiliation, but to the American ideal that is bigger than the Office of the President, bigger than the voters, bigger than free markets and social reforms. As Molly said in her social studies presentation, that if we don't do the right things now, we're doomed to go the way of all great cultures, doomed to bondage and insignificance.
Swing Vote doesn't pick sides, doesn't answer the most burning social issues; but what it does is to cause us to think about how we can "make a better country by being active changers and refusing to be passive observers... not just for ourselves, but for future generations" (Efrain Gomez - Hollywood Jesus).
I was particularly impressed that someone in Hollywood actually had a clue as to what is going on in the world today - but obviously one or two do. Swing Vote is as accurate a depiction of the American political scene as has ever been done. It could have come at no better time.
Imagine if you will a nation so evenly divided against itself that there are no black and white issues any longer - everything is gray. Kelsey Grammer plays the incumband Republican President who is concerned with leaving a legacy he can be remembered by - as if being President isn't enough. Dennis Hopper is the Democratic nominee who is in a dead heat match up against his opponent. Both candidates are managed by handlers who are less concerned about what is best for the nation, but about winning the election and furthering their own political futures. Both are qualified, both got into politics because they thought they could make a difference, but find themselves in a system where you can't tell the difference between the two parties any longer. Sound like anything happening in the world today?
Throw in the average American - an apathetic unemployed drunk who thinks only of himself and his daughter. Kevin Costner, as Bud Johnson, represents the 50 percent of Americans who never show up at the polls. He doesn't have a clue what's going on outside his own little world. Then there's daughter Molly who represents the children who will inherit the world we give them. She cares, she's involved, but she has no voice - only the hope that her father will care enough to make her world better. She even has to vote for him because he's too drunk to show up at the polls. There's even one member of the media who has morals and character but is torn between doing what it takes to advance her career or hold on to her ethics.
When it turns out that the country is so divided that the decision is left to one vote in one insignificant town in an insignificant county in a state with only 5 electoral votes, both candidates descend on Texico, New Mexico to convince Bud to give them his vote. Whatever the media shows that Bud might care about, each candidate suddenly adopts that stance: the Republicans turn their back on corporate donors to protect a river and make the Sierra Club happy; Democrats suddenly take an anti-abortion stance. They send celebrities to campaign for them; they throw parties and offer gifts and make promises neither has the intention or ability to keep.
When the future of America rides on the vote of one person, suddenly people start getting involved. Bud is innundated by mail and gifts, asking him to speak for the common man. Unfortunately, he's too busy enjoying the handouts that he doesn't even realize that people are depending on him. Only Molly takes the time to read and to respond and to offer hope to people who've lost hope in our leadership.
At the last minute Bud listens to his daughter and takes his responsibilities seriously. He calls for a debate to allow each candidate, both of whom he's become fond of and who, by this time have come to realize that they've lost touch with their own values. The two candidates for the most powerful nation on earth are brought to an outdoor rodeo arena to tell why they are the best qualified to lead our nation. But first Bud has to come to grips with his own culpability. Bud apologizes to the country for not following his dreams, for not taking advantage of the many, many chances he had been afforded in life because he was born here. He apologizes for never serving, never giving back to the nation that had given him so much. And rather than ask his own questions about issues he really is not intelligent about, he asks questions from the people who've written him asking him to speak for them...the poor, those taken advantage of, those who've done the best that they can but still can't support their families even in the richest country on earth.
The following day as Bud and Molly walk into the voting center, Bud turns around and smiles at Molly before pulling the curtain and casting his vote. Apparently what he heard had given him peace about whom he should vote for. I wish it were that simple for us, that we were engaged and that we cared enough and were confident about the person we are going to elect this November.
It would behoove our two candidates running for office this year to watch Swing Vote and to take an honest look at themselves and determine whether they still have a grasp on what they stand for and whether they have the future of our nation as their number one priority. At some point I'm sure that both candidates were sure about their values and their vision and their ability to lead. They aren't evil men, just men overwhelmed by the complexity of the problems facing our nation; who don't really have the best advisors around them who share their vision for our nation. It would be nice for Senators McCain and Obama to walk into that office bound, not to party affiliation, but to the American ideal that is bigger than the Office of the President, bigger than the voters, bigger than free markets and social reforms. As Molly said in her social studies presentation, that if we don't do the right things now, we're doomed to go the way of all great cultures, doomed to bondage and insignificance.
Swing Vote doesn't pick sides, doesn't answer the most burning social issues; but what it does is to cause us to think about how we can "make a better country by being active changers and refusing to be passive observers... not just for ourselves, but for future generations" (Efrain Gomez - Hollywood Jesus).
Monday, July 28, 2008
It's Time to Hang Up the Broom
I've decided to call it quits at the theater at the end of August. That means that soon I won't be able to inform and entertain you on this blog. I know the world will be deeply disappointed...all 14 of you who view my blog on a regular basis:).
I started this blog as a commentary on people who come to be entertained at my theater. At first I was horrified that so many people hadn't been raised to clean up after themselves. Then I became incensed as I understood that many people today have this entitlement attitude that simply because you pay to see a movie, you've got the right to desecrate property that doesn't belong to you. I especially resented hearing people say to their partners that it was ok to leave their trash because we (ushers) get paid to clean up their mess.
Last night I watched "Last Vacation" on TV with one of my daughters. In the movie, Queen Latifa played a woman who worked in the retail business serving the customers. She was really good at her job, even if she wasn't appreciated by her manager. After finding out that she had a terminal disease and had only three weeks to live, Queen withdrew her life savings and decided to go out with a bang, flying to Europe to stay at a ritzy hotel she'd only dreamed about in her 'possibilities' scrapbook. While there, Queen attracted the admiration of both guests and staff by her gracious manner. When she observed hotel employees being verbally abused by a guest, she confronted that guest and told her that she had no right to curse and abuse the person who was trying to make her stay as nice as possible; that just because someone is paid to serve you doesn't mean that they aren't human too, or that they don't have dreams just as big as your own, or that their circumstances may not be as favorable as your own and they're doing the best they can for those they love.
I don't know how many more 'reviews' I'll do in the remaining month I'm working at the theater. It really does become tiring to write the same stuff over and over; and it can become depressing to see so many who have so little regard for others. It's been nine months, longer than I thought I'd last; and I can't say it's been fun. But I do have more respect for those who are 'beneath' my social status. Whether it's students who are just learning what it is like to earn their own money, or disabled but functional people who need to feel productive, to people like myself who needed to earn extra money because we're taking care of sick children or paying off Uncle Sam for taxes we didn't know we owed; theater employees, waiters/ waitresses, people in retail, customer support, and all service industries are deserving of respect and kindness. There is no amount of money that justifies bad behaviour. More importantly, treating others with respect and kindness makes you a better person. You might not see yourself as an ungrateful, unappreciative, and slovenly pig; but what you do and what you fail to do speaks volumes about your character...even if it's just taking your trash with you when you leave the theater; or standing a little closer to the urinal and squatting a little closer to the toilet seat.
Whether or not Hollywood continues to turn out drivel disguised as entertainment, I hope that you will be mindful of those who do their best to make your experience the best it can be. It's OK to complain about a messy bathroom or that the auditorium is too cold or too loud, but please do so in a pleasant way. You'll see a vast difference in the response you get when you treat that usher or concession employee with respect. You'll make their job more enjoyable and they will try harder and everyone wins.
I guess the thing I'll miss most, other than my political discussions with my Muslim friend, are the free movie passes. I don't think I'll pay to see as many movies as I did before I became an employee - there just aren't that many good movies worth the time and expense. But if they'll continue to turn out movies like The Bucket List, The Dark Knight, Mama Mia, and stories that inspire and make me want to be a better person, I'll plop down the $9.00 for a ticket and I'll spend $11 on concessions to help the theater meet their payroll. And I'll always take my trash with me when I leave.
I started this blog as a commentary on people who come to be entertained at my theater. At first I was horrified that so many people hadn't been raised to clean up after themselves. Then I became incensed as I understood that many people today have this entitlement attitude that simply because you pay to see a movie, you've got the right to desecrate property that doesn't belong to you. I especially resented hearing people say to their partners that it was ok to leave their trash because we (ushers) get paid to clean up their mess.
Last night I watched "Last Vacation" on TV with one of my daughters. In the movie, Queen Latifa played a woman who worked in the retail business serving the customers. She was really good at her job, even if she wasn't appreciated by her manager. After finding out that she had a terminal disease and had only three weeks to live, Queen withdrew her life savings and decided to go out with a bang, flying to Europe to stay at a ritzy hotel she'd only dreamed about in her 'possibilities' scrapbook. While there, Queen attracted the admiration of both guests and staff by her gracious manner. When she observed hotel employees being verbally abused by a guest, she confronted that guest and told her that she had no right to curse and abuse the person who was trying to make her stay as nice as possible; that just because someone is paid to serve you doesn't mean that they aren't human too, or that they don't have dreams just as big as your own, or that their circumstances may not be as favorable as your own and they're doing the best they can for those they love.
I don't know how many more 'reviews' I'll do in the remaining month I'm working at the theater. It really does become tiring to write the same stuff over and over; and it can become depressing to see so many who have so little regard for others. It's been nine months, longer than I thought I'd last; and I can't say it's been fun. But I do have more respect for those who are 'beneath' my social status. Whether it's students who are just learning what it is like to earn their own money, or disabled but functional people who need to feel productive, to people like myself who needed to earn extra money because we're taking care of sick children or paying off Uncle Sam for taxes we didn't know we owed; theater employees, waiters/ waitresses, people in retail, customer support, and all service industries are deserving of respect and kindness. There is no amount of money that justifies bad behaviour. More importantly, treating others with respect and kindness makes you a better person. You might not see yourself as an ungrateful, unappreciative, and slovenly pig; but what you do and what you fail to do speaks volumes about your character...even if it's just taking your trash with you when you leave the theater; or standing a little closer to the urinal and squatting a little closer to the toilet seat.
Whether or not Hollywood continues to turn out drivel disguised as entertainment, I hope that you will be mindful of those who do their best to make your experience the best it can be. It's OK to complain about a messy bathroom or that the auditorium is too cold or too loud, but please do so in a pleasant way. You'll see a vast difference in the response you get when you treat that usher or concession employee with respect. You'll make their job more enjoyable and they will try harder and everyone wins.
I guess the thing I'll miss most, other than my political discussions with my Muslim friend, are the free movie passes. I don't think I'll pay to see as many movies as I did before I became an employee - there just aren't that many good movies worth the time and expense. But if they'll continue to turn out movies like The Bucket List, The Dark Knight, Mama Mia, and stories that inspire and make me want to be a better person, I'll plop down the $9.00 for a ticket and I'll spend $11 on concessions to help the theater meet their payroll. And I'll always take my trash with me when I leave.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Mama Mia! - 5 Tubs
I hated cleaning this auditorium, but the movie was fantastic! But first, the down and dirty: women, for the most part middle-aged and overweight, trashed my theater and rest rooms last weekend as they flocked to see this movie starring Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth and others in a big-screen adaptation of the Broadway play Mama Mia!
Large tubs of popcorn and plastic Dasani bottles littered the floors, while both trash receptacles overflowed (which is a good thing because many people did take their trash with them). Perhaps the amount of overturned popcorn could be attributed to the laughter and the clapping at the end of the movie - well deserved applause for one of the best feel-good movies of the year.
If there was anything I didn't enjoy about the movie, it was Pierce Brosnan. I can only assume that he was cast in his role because he ages well and needed the work. He certainly can't sing, and Simon would have embarrassed him had he tried out for American Idol. Despite the painful croaks emmitted by Brosnan, the rest of the cast did a great job. The location was beautiful, and the music perfect. I had to listen to my Abba CD on the way to work this morning.
I hate to admit this, but there was a moment when Meryl Streep was reminiscing about her daughter growing up that a tear rolled down my cheek too as my daughter is a rising senior this year and will be off on her great adventures sooner than I'm ready to let her go. Fortunately, I sat near the front and there was no one close enough to see me swipe away the tear. Any movie that can bring me to tears or to burst out laughing as I did in Mama Mia! is worth the price of the ticket, even if I didn't have to pay to see this movie.
Large tubs of popcorn and plastic Dasani bottles littered the floors, while both trash receptacles overflowed (which is a good thing because many people did take their trash with them). Perhaps the amount of overturned popcorn could be attributed to the laughter and the clapping at the end of the movie - well deserved applause for one of the best feel-good movies of the year.
If there was anything I didn't enjoy about the movie, it was Pierce Brosnan. I can only assume that he was cast in his role because he ages well and needed the work. He certainly can't sing, and Simon would have embarrassed him had he tried out for American Idol. Despite the painful croaks emmitted by Brosnan, the rest of the cast did a great job. The location was beautiful, and the music perfect. I had to listen to my Abba CD on the way to work this morning.
I hate to admit this, but there was a moment when Meryl Streep was reminiscing about her daughter growing up that a tear rolled down my cheek too as my daughter is a rising senior this year and will be off on her great adventures sooner than I'm ready to let her go. Fortunately, I sat near the front and there was no one close enough to see me swipe away the tear. Any movie that can bring me to tears or to burst out laughing as I did in Mama Mia! is worth the price of the ticket, even if I didn't have to pay to see this movie.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The Dark Knight - 6 Tubs
Normally I would limit the filthiness of a theater auditorium to 5 tubs, but with the crowds that The Dark Knight are drawing, I must bump it up there with the biggest landfill you can find.
I loved the movie; it was better than Batman Begins, and yes, Heath Ledger does deserve an Oscar for his role as the Joker. It did push the envelope for destruction for destruction's sake, but compared to what they turn out now for 'horror movies', Batman was realistic. I liked Harvey Dent, Bruce Wayne, and I couldn't hate the Joker and kind of regret that Ledger can't bring him back in a future movie...but to be honest, what I experienced from the movie wasn't so much the film itself, but the evil hoards who flocked to see it and trashed my theater in the process. After all, this blog is about how theater patrons leave the theater, not about the movies themselves.
I won't go into gruesome detail about how many tubs of popcorn, cups of soda, chicken bones, watermelon rinds, and condoms were left in the theater. It was terrible and we filled four dumpters in one day on the refuse from this movie. What I want to talk about is the movie fans.
A few months ago I would have been able to find $2-5 under the seats at the end of the movie. The most I've found in one day was $13 in quarters after "Step Up To The Streets 2". But since gas prices have risen and the way that it has affected everything else, the theater business is starting to feel the affects too. You, as a customer might see an increase in ticket or concession prices. As an usher, I've found that most theater goers are paying for their entertainment with plastic. Granted, many might be using a debit card to pay for their movies and concessions, but some are charging the cost and making payments month after month. And although The Dark Knight was sold out almost every show, I was unable to come up with more than $.57 for the entire weekend.
Let me make my point a little better. The Dark Knight did over $150Million on opening weekend. People are still coming to the movies when there is something worth watching (which isn't often). And people are still buying the big tub of popcorn, the large sodas, and they're still allowing the concessionists to upsell them candy and ice cream; but they're paying for it with credit cards. People are feeling the crunch, but they're not quite ready to alter their lifestyles...at least until they've maxed out their credit cards.
If I were a theater owner, and if I believed that oil prices were going to continue to climb and that it is only a matter of time before people started cutting back on unnecessary things like movies and dining out, then I would be worried about the upcoming holiday season when the second round of 'block-busters' are due out. The Dark Knight is an anomaly as far as movies in 2008. The money the theater is going to make on this movie is rapidly dwindling, so I really hope Hollywood has something else big coming up soon or you're going to see some theater sell-offs or start seeing theaters keep movies longer and not show every new release that comes their way.
I know none of this gives you an idea of what The Dark Knight is like; just go see the movie - it's worth the money. But if the only way you can afford to see the movie is to use your credit card, cut that thing up and wait for it to come to TV in three or four years. Maybe by then we'll have drilled and refined some oil and you won't have to mortgage your house to take the family out to a movie.
I loved the movie; it was better than Batman Begins, and yes, Heath Ledger does deserve an Oscar for his role as the Joker. It did push the envelope for destruction for destruction's sake, but compared to what they turn out now for 'horror movies', Batman was realistic. I liked Harvey Dent, Bruce Wayne, and I couldn't hate the Joker and kind of regret that Ledger can't bring him back in a future movie...but to be honest, what I experienced from the movie wasn't so much the film itself, but the evil hoards who flocked to see it and trashed my theater in the process. After all, this blog is about how theater patrons leave the theater, not about the movies themselves.
I won't go into gruesome detail about how many tubs of popcorn, cups of soda, chicken bones, watermelon rinds, and condoms were left in the theater. It was terrible and we filled four dumpters in one day on the refuse from this movie. What I want to talk about is the movie fans.
A few months ago I would have been able to find $2-5 under the seats at the end of the movie. The most I've found in one day was $13 in quarters after "Step Up To The Streets 2". But since gas prices have risen and the way that it has affected everything else, the theater business is starting to feel the affects too. You, as a customer might see an increase in ticket or concession prices. As an usher, I've found that most theater goers are paying for their entertainment with plastic. Granted, many might be using a debit card to pay for their movies and concessions, but some are charging the cost and making payments month after month. And although The Dark Knight was sold out almost every show, I was unable to come up with more than $.57 for the entire weekend.
Let me make my point a little better. The Dark Knight did over $150Million on opening weekend. People are still coming to the movies when there is something worth watching (which isn't often). And people are still buying the big tub of popcorn, the large sodas, and they're still allowing the concessionists to upsell them candy and ice cream; but they're paying for it with credit cards. People are feeling the crunch, but they're not quite ready to alter their lifestyles...at least until they've maxed out their credit cards.
If I were a theater owner, and if I believed that oil prices were going to continue to climb and that it is only a matter of time before people started cutting back on unnecessary things like movies and dining out, then I would be worried about the upcoming holiday season when the second round of 'block-busters' are due out. The Dark Knight is an anomaly as far as movies in 2008. The money the theater is going to make on this movie is rapidly dwindling, so I really hope Hollywood has something else big coming up soon or you're going to see some theater sell-offs or start seeing theaters keep movies longer and not show every new release that comes their way.
I know none of this gives you an idea of what The Dark Knight is like; just go see the movie - it's worth the money. But if the only way you can afford to see the movie is to use your credit card, cut that thing up and wait for it to come to TV in three or four years. Maybe by then we'll have drilled and refined some oil and you won't have to mortgage your house to take the family out to a movie.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Hancock - 5 Tubs
OK, same old story: large tubs of popcorn and large cups of soda are barely touched and end up left in and under the seats. There's a growing trend at our theater. Patrons are putting so much butter on their popcorn that it leaks through the bags and the tub onto their pants/dresses. What happens next is that they will place said soggy paper products on the floor where the buttery topping (not real butter) soaks into the concrete making the aisle a dangerous place to walk. Again, parents are trying to drown their kids in buttery topping. The new seasoned salt containers aren't selling that well, and that's OK with us - less to sweep up. Hancock is one of the summer blockbusters, so it's going to be filthy. Be patient, when we're done cleaning it you'll see us exit with a 400 gallon trash container filled from the previous patrons.
Hancock is a great movie in that it addresses what most of us would like to see in a super hero: someone who doesn't give a shit about how other people think of him. I particularly enjoyed the scene where the boy called Hancock an asshole and got knocked so high he didn't come down for two minutes. Don't you know that a real super hero gets tired of people who can't do what he does telling him how to do it? I mean, do you take health advice from an auto mechanic? I'd like to have seen Hancock toss Congress into outer space, along with Michael Moore, Susan Sarandon, George Soros and other evil entities that plague our world. And if I were a super hero, I'd not be sleeping on a park bench. I'd sleep anywhere I wanted, eat when and what I wanted, choose who I helped and who I screwed around with, and just have a great old time. I missed my calling in life:
Go see the movie, have fun, and please take your trash with you.
Hancock is a great movie in that it addresses what most of us would like to see in a super hero: someone who doesn't give a shit about how other people think of him. I particularly enjoyed the scene where the boy called Hancock an asshole and got knocked so high he didn't come down for two minutes. Don't you know that a real super hero gets tired of people who can't do what he does telling him how to do it? I mean, do you take health advice from an auto mechanic? I'd like to have seen Hancock toss Congress into outer space, along with Michael Moore, Susan Sarandon, George Soros and other evil entities that plague our world. And if I were a super hero, I'd not be sleeping on a park bench. I'd sleep anywhere I wanted, eat when and what I wanted, choose who I helped and who I screwed around with, and just have a great old time. I missed my calling in life:
Go see the movie, have fun, and please take your trash with you.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Created by OnePlusYou
Some people think I'm too cynical and irreverant. They're probably right, but it's more fun than writing boring reviews about something as stupid as movies. Still, it's not like I'm vulgar or anything. I just rate a 'Darn-It', not even an 'Asshole' - something I've been called numerous times.
Of course, this doesn't make me a saint. It just means that there are a lot of filthy people on the Internet and that I'm a wus compared to some of the jerk-offs here.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Wall.E - 5 Tubs
When someone says to me, "I've got good news and bad news, which do you want first?" I'll always say, "Give me the bad news first." I like happy endings. So let me start this review by giving you the bad news first.
Wall.E is a story about an Earth that has been destroyed by humans who have all left to live on a space platform, leaving behind a single robot to clean it up before the humans can return. Wall.E (short for Waste Allocation Load Lifter - Earth class) goes around and sweeps up all the trash and debris and stores it in huge landfills. Useful items he warehouses for later use. Basically, Wall.E assumes the stewardship of the Earth that God created man to perform. The bad news is that the brats and sperm and egg donors who created them didn't learn anything from watching the movie. They treated my theater the way the humans treated the Earth. Like Wall.E, I clean up behind human pigs disguised as movie goers. Unlike Wall.E who does his job without complaining, I take upon myself the huge burden of being the conscience of humankind. Despite many claims to the contrary, I've found that most movie goers are not only slovenly, they're liars too. Everyone I've met says that they always take their trash with them: blacks, whites, Asians, maybe Hispanics - I can't tell because they don't speak English. But somebody is leaving the mountains of trash I have to haul out of the theater after every showing. So, as your conscience, stop lying, stop sneaking in outside food and drink because you're cheap and dishonest, and take your stinking trash to the trash receptacles located by the door through which you entered the auditorium.
Now on to the good news. Wall.E is a movie about relationships. Despite being a robot, Wall.E develops a character and personality. He's lonely, inquisitive, nostalgic, romantic. His only companion is a cockroach; one of those creations we wish God had left off the Ark. When another robot lands unexpectedly on Earth, Wall.E falls in love at first sight. Her name is, appropriately, Eve; and Eve at first plays hard to get. Wall.E tries to win the other robot's attention by showing off all the treasures he's salvaged. One of those treasures is a small plant that Wall.E has saved and nurtured in an old boot. When Eve accepts the plant, her systems appear to shut down and Wall.E begins to think that he's the reason she's taken ill. Wall.E uses umbrellas and trash cans to protect Eve from the elements. He puts her in the front of his cart as he paddles through the muck and mire, trying to show show her the grandeur of what used to be. He dresses her with lights at Christmas and sits by her side pining away, longing for the chance to hold her hand.
When a spaceship arrives and loads Eve into the ship, Wall.E rushes to be with her. Unable to get onboard before blast off, Wall.E clings to the outside of the ship, refusing to let go despite being pelted by satellites and other space debris floating in Earth's orbit. Once beyond our gravitational pull, Wall.E marvels at the beauty of Creation in the cosmos. And when the ship arrives at the space station, occupied by obese, spoiled humans, who are pampered and taken care of by armies of robots, Wall.E follows Eve to protect her and to be with her. When Eve is thought to be defective and sent to robot rehab, Wall.E follows and meets other rejects and in his own humanity shows them that they are each special and that they have something to contribute still. This is a movie about selflessness, friendship and love and going to the ends of the universe to be with the person you care about. It's what being human is all about...but we've somehow forgotten as we've learned to put ourselves first rather than others and this beautiful planet we've been given to take care of.
Is there a happy ending? Will the humans get back to Earth and do a better job taking care of her than they did in the beginning? You'll have to watch the movie to find out. And while you're at it, how about having some respect for yourself by not buying more than you can consume; and respect for the ushers who clean up after you by disposing of your trash when you leave the movie?
Wall.E is a story about an Earth that has been destroyed by humans who have all left to live on a space platform, leaving behind a single robot to clean it up before the humans can return. Wall.E (short for Waste Allocation Load Lifter - Earth class) goes around and sweeps up all the trash and debris and stores it in huge landfills. Useful items he warehouses for later use. Basically, Wall.E assumes the stewardship of the Earth that God created man to perform. The bad news is that the brats and sperm and egg donors who created them didn't learn anything from watching the movie. They treated my theater the way the humans treated the Earth. Like Wall.E, I clean up behind human pigs disguised as movie goers. Unlike Wall.E who does his job without complaining, I take upon myself the huge burden of being the conscience of humankind. Despite many claims to the contrary, I've found that most movie goers are not only slovenly, they're liars too. Everyone I've met says that they always take their trash with them: blacks, whites, Asians, maybe Hispanics - I can't tell because they don't speak English. But somebody is leaving the mountains of trash I have to haul out of the theater after every showing. So, as your conscience, stop lying, stop sneaking in outside food and drink because you're cheap and dishonest, and take your stinking trash to the trash receptacles located by the door through which you entered the auditorium.
Now on to the good news. Wall.E is a movie about relationships. Despite being a robot, Wall.E develops a character and personality. He's lonely, inquisitive, nostalgic, romantic. His only companion is a cockroach; one of those creations we wish God had left off the Ark. When another robot lands unexpectedly on Earth, Wall.E falls in love at first sight. Her name is, appropriately, Eve; and Eve at first plays hard to get. Wall.E tries to win the other robot's attention by showing off all the treasures he's salvaged. One of those treasures is a small plant that Wall.E has saved and nurtured in an old boot. When Eve accepts the plant, her systems appear to shut down and Wall.E begins to think that he's the reason she's taken ill. Wall.E uses umbrellas and trash cans to protect Eve from the elements. He puts her in the front of his cart as he paddles through the muck and mire, trying to show show her the grandeur of what used to be. He dresses her with lights at Christmas and sits by her side pining away, longing for the chance to hold her hand.
When a spaceship arrives and loads Eve into the ship, Wall.E rushes to be with her. Unable to get onboard before blast off, Wall.E clings to the outside of the ship, refusing to let go despite being pelted by satellites and other space debris floating in Earth's orbit. Once beyond our gravitational pull, Wall.E marvels at the beauty of Creation in the cosmos. And when the ship arrives at the space station, occupied by obese, spoiled humans, who are pampered and taken care of by armies of robots, Wall.E follows Eve to protect her and to be with her. When Eve is thought to be defective and sent to robot rehab, Wall.E follows and meets other rejects and in his own humanity shows them that they are each special and that they have something to contribute still. This is a movie about selflessness, friendship and love and going to the ends of the universe to be with the person you care about. It's what being human is all about...but we've somehow forgotten as we've learned to put ourselves first rather than others and this beautiful planet we've been given to take care of.
Is there a happy ending? Will the humans get back to Earth and do a better job taking care of her than they did in the beginning? You'll have to watch the movie to find out. And while you're at it, how about having some respect for yourself by not buying more than you can consume; and respect for the ushers who clean up after you by disposing of your trash when you leave the movie?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The Happening - 3 Tubs
I'm not too disappointed at the condition of the theater after this movie, but I'm very disappointed at the movie itself. The previews looked great; the movie, a waste of nine bucks. After The Village and Lady in the Water, I'd hoped that M. Night Shyamalan would return to his roots and give us a great story with a twist. There was no twist, and the story was boring. The only evil you see is wind blowing through the trees and bushes. People jumping off buildings or laying down in front of lawn mowers, or landscapers hanging from street lights isn't terrifying. The Happening is as much a disappointment as The Strangers - a movie I won't even comment on since no one is coming to see it; and rightfully so.
Shyamalan usually tries to bring out faith and humanity in his movies. Mark Walburg did OK showing emotion in this movie, but his co-star Zooey Deschanel looked straight out of the silent movie era with her forced facial expressions. I suspect that Shyamalan has a thing for her because he loved doing closeups of her face. Night also does his cameo as a dinner date with Zooey's character. Anyway, whatever Shyamalan was trying to accomplish, it didn't work. I wasn't the only one disappointed in the film; most of the people I overhead exiting the auditorium expressed their disappointment as well.
On the positive side, the theater was easy to clean after the movie, except for a couple of fat ladies who struggled but failed at shoving handfulls of popcorn into their mouths. I've seen babboons do the same thing with food. They'll try to get everything in their hands into their mouths. The cheeks will bulge like Jiffy Pop bags about to explode. The babboons do this because they're afraid somethings going to steal their food if they don't consume it immediately. These women each had a tub of popcorn and were in no danger of being poached upon by other movie goers. If they had eaten like humans, there would have been more popcorn in their bellies than on the floor.
Shyamalan usually tries to bring out faith and humanity in his movies. Mark Walburg did OK showing emotion in this movie, but his co-star Zooey Deschanel looked straight out of the silent movie era with her forced facial expressions. I suspect that Shyamalan has a thing for her because he loved doing closeups of her face. Night also does his cameo as a dinner date with Zooey's character. Anyway, whatever Shyamalan was trying to accomplish, it didn't work. I wasn't the only one disappointed in the film; most of the people I overhead exiting the auditorium expressed their disappointment as well.
On the positive side, the theater was easy to clean after the movie, except for a couple of fat ladies who struggled but failed at shoving handfulls of popcorn into their mouths. I've seen babboons do the same thing with food. They'll try to get everything in their hands into their mouths. The cheeks will bulge like Jiffy Pop bags about to explode. The babboons do this because they're afraid somethings going to steal their food if they don't consume it immediately. These women each had a tub of popcorn and were in no danger of being poached upon by other movie goers. If they had eaten like humans, there would have been more popcorn in their bellies than on the floor.
The Incredible Hulk - 4 Tubs
This is an adult children's movie, thus the trash is like that you'd find at a Disney movie, with the addition of wine and vodka bottles. As with Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk attracts freaks, geeks, and rednecks; many of whom have to raise the arm rests on either side of their seats in order to park their oversized butts...or to make room for the tub of popcorn, which will usually tip over and spill behind the seats providing a feast for the roaches and ants that frequent our fine theater. Here's a hint - there are no sneak previews at the end of the credits in this movie like there was in Iron Man. The sneak peak comes at the end of the movie where it belongs where Tony Stark approaches a drunken William Hurt to discuss putting a team together.
It is pitiful that grown children will sit watching credits and seriously discuss fiction disguised as science, like the Hulk's regenerative DNA and the effect of gamma radiation in his blood when it comes in contact with the DNA of a foreign host. Folks, the stuff you read in those comic books isn't science, it's fiction! That's the beauty of fiction - you can write what you want and it doesn't have to be believable or even make sense.
Along the same lines, there are no rogue generals in our military who is capable of building a tactical team with the latest and greatest toys and who can work outside the sytem in order to create chaos and mayhem on our citizens. As a 24 year member of the military, I can assure you that all that manpower and equipment comes at a cost and that the purse strings are controlled by civilians. A general might get a $400 toilet seat or a $2,000 wrench through the logistical system, but not futuristic equipment like sound cannons and some of the other military equipment you see in the movie. Remember, this stuff was built by Stark Industries, another Marvel enterprise. The military hasn't perfected an armored flying suit for their soldiers either.
Come on, if your education in science comes from a comic book - you're pitiful. Put down the comics and spend the time at your local community college getting a reality check. Watch Fox news and intelligently discuss politics with your liberal friends. Heck, take your wife out to dinner and try having an intelligent conversation with her for a change.
I enjoyed The Hulk - much better than the last one. It's great to see Marvel include the original stars in their movies: Lou Ferigno - who again plays a security guard and provides the voice of The Hulk; and Bill Bixby who appears in "The Courtship of Eddie's Father". I wasn't paying enough attention to notice where Stan Lee was in the movie. Ed Norton did a great job as David Banner. I did a fantastic job taking my trash out when the movie ended...and I didn't stay to watch the stupid credits - wait for the DVD if you really need to know that information.
It is pitiful that grown children will sit watching credits and seriously discuss fiction disguised as science, like the Hulk's regenerative DNA and the effect of gamma radiation in his blood when it comes in contact with the DNA of a foreign host. Folks, the stuff you read in those comic books isn't science, it's fiction! That's the beauty of fiction - you can write what you want and it doesn't have to be believable or even make sense.
Along the same lines, there are no rogue generals in our military who is capable of building a tactical team with the latest and greatest toys and who can work outside the sytem in order to create chaos and mayhem on our citizens. As a 24 year member of the military, I can assure you that all that manpower and equipment comes at a cost and that the purse strings are controlled by civilians. A general might get a $400 toilet seat or a $2,000 wrench through the logistical system, but not futuristic equipment like sound cannons and some of the other military equipment you see in the movie. Remember, this stuff was built by Stark Industries, another Marvel enterprise. The military hasn't perfected an armored flying suit for their soldiers either.
Come on, if your education in science comes from a comic book - you're pitiful. Put down the comics and spend the time at your local community college getting a reality check. Watch Fox news and intelligently discuss politics with your liberal friends. Heck, take your wife out to dinner and try having an intelligent conversation with her for a change.
I enjoyed The Hulk - much better than the last one. It's great to see Marvel include the original stars in their movies: Lou Ferigno - who again plays a security guard and provides the voice of The Hulk; and Bill Bixby who appears in "The Courtship of Eddie's Father". I wasn't paying enough attention to notice where Stan Lee was in the movie. Ed Norton did a great job as David Banner. I did a fantastic job taking my trash out when the movie ended...and I didn't stay to watch the stupid credits - wait for the DVD if you really need to know that information.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Another Look at Horton Hears a Who
I didn't particularly care for this movie, especially because the kids trashed my theater and took years off the usefulness of my poor aching feet. However, there is a sort of spiritual side to the movie that deserves another look.
Here is the synopsis of the movie: "An imaginative elephant named Horton hears a faint cry for help coming from a tiny speck of dust floating through the air. Although Horton doesn’t know it yet, that speck houses an entire city named Who-ville, inhabited by the microscopic Whos, led by the Mayor. Despite being ridiculed and threatened by his neighbors, who think he has lost his mind, Horton is determined to save the particle--because “a person’s a person, no matter how small.” Horton’s eight-word explanation for his actions embodies an idea both simple and profound, and which means so much, to so many. Horton explains to his skeptical friends: “If you were way out in space, and you looked down at where we live, we would look like a speck.” Then there’s Horton’s code--his motto--that, “an elephant’s faithful 100 percent”--pointing to his honesty and determination to never abandon his mission to find a new home for the speck that houses the incredible world of Who-ville." (taken from Hollywood.com)
Imagine if the Earth were that speck of dust, trapped inside a solar system which is a tiny part of a galaxy of stars, one of hundreds of billions of stars in the cosmos. That is our reality. We live on a beautiful blue marble, the only inhabited rock in our solar system. We're not the center of Creation. We're not even the center of our solar system. If we were able to look at the Milky Way, the Earth would be a tiny speck in one of the outer bands of the swirling mass. Scientists tell us that the universe - the millions of galaxies in the entire cosmos is 10 billion lightyears in radius. But even then this is only an estimation based on how long it takes for the light to reach us from the oldest known stars. To give you a perspective of how tiny we are in the universe we live in, it would take 980,000 earths to fit inside our sun. The light from our sun only takes 8 minutes to reach us. The Earth is 93 million miles from the sun. If we were going to drive to the sun, we'd have to drive at 93 miles per hour for one million hours (about 115 years factoring in bathroom breaks). Now imagine our solar system about 80% away from the center of our galaxy. The Milky Way galaxy is about 100,000 light years in diameter and about 1,000 light years thick. There are about 200 billion stars in our galaxy alone. This gives you a perspective as to how similar the Earth is to Who-ville!
We're really impressed with the vastness and the beauty of Creation. In fact, man devotes a lot of research and money at understanding our place in the cosmos. But most of us spend our time looking down at the earth beneath our feet. We're focussed on our own dreams and challenges. We worry about our future and expend most of our energy attempting to control our own little portion of our world.
I'm not trying to make you think we're small. We are small. We are but a mote of dust in all of God's Creation. The thing is, we matter to Him. But unlike Horton who can only hear the cries of help from the citizens of Who-ville, God is with us. The star-breathing God who created everything that is, took the time to knit each and every one of us so that no two of us are exactly alike. He talks to us, if we will listen. He shows us how much He loves us in the beauty of nature. He will even live inside us if we ask Him. But most of the time we're only interested in His helping hand to get us out of our messes.
Only by viewing ourselves in the vastness of Creation can we truly understand our need for someone who's big enough to handle things that are beyond our control. Thank God there is a God we can depend on 100% of the time, who is willing to go to extraordinary lengths on our behalf. We should all be as appreciative of God as the citizens of Who-ville were of Horton once they learned there was someone bigger than they were.
Here is the synopsis of the movie: "An imaginative elephant named Horton hears a faint cry for help coming from a tiny speck of dust floating through the air. Although Horton doesn’t know it yet, that speck houses an entire city named Who-ville, inhabited by the microscopic Whos, led by the Mayor. Despite being ridiculed and threatened by his neighbors, who think he has lost his mind, Horton is determined to save the particle--because “a person’s a person, no matter how small.” Horton’s eight-word explanation for his actions embodies an idea both simple and profound, and which means so much, to so many. Horton explains to his skeptical friends: “If you were way out in space, and you looked down at where we live, we would look like a speck.” Then there’s Horton’s code--his motto--that, “an elephant’s faithful 100 percent”--pointing to his honesty and determination to never abandon his mission to find a new home for the speck that houses the incredible world of Who-ville." (taken from Hollywood.com)
Imagine if the Earth were that speck of dust, trapped inside a solar system which is a tiny part of a galaxy of stars, one of hundreds of billions of stars in the cosmos. That is our reality. We live on a beautiful blue marble, the only inhabited rock in our solar system. We're not the center of Creation. We're not even the center of our solar system. If we were able to look at the Milky Way, the Earth would be a tiny speck in one of the outer bands of the swirling mass. Scientists tell us that the universe - the millions of galaxies in the entire cosmos is 10 billion lightyears in radius. But even then this is only an estimation based on how long it takes for the light to reach us from the oldest known stars. To give you a perspective of how tiny we are in the universe we live in, it would take 980,000 earths to fit inside our sun. The light from our sun only takes 8 minutes to reach us. The Earth is 93 million miles from the sun. If we were going to drive to the sun, we'd have to drive at 93 miles per hour for one million hours (about 115 years factoring in bathroom breaks). Now imagine our solar system about 80% away from the center of our galaxy. The Milky Way galaxy is about 100,000 light years in diameter and about 1,000 light years thick. There are about 200 billion stars in our galaxy alone. This gives you a perspective as to how similar the Earth is to Who-ville!
We're really impressed with the vastness and the beauty of Creation. In fact, man devotes a lot of research and money at understanding our place in the cosmos. But most of us spend our time looking down at the earth beneath our feet. We're focussed on our own dreams and challenges. We worry about our future and expend most of our energy attempting to control our own little portion of our world.
I'm not trying to make you think we're small. We are small. We are but a mote of dust in all of God's Creation. The thing is, we matter to Him. But unlike Horton who can only hear the cries of help from the citizens of Who-ville, God is with us. The star-breathing God who created everything that is, took the time to knit each and every one of us so that no two of us are exactly alike. He talks to us, if we will listen. He shows us how much He loves us in the beauty of nature. He will even live inside us if we ask Him. But most of the time we're only interested in His helping hand to get us out of our messes.
Only by viewing ourselves in the vastness of Creation can we truly understand our need for someone who's big enough to handle things that are beyond our control. Thank God there is a God we can depend on 100% of the time, who is willing to go to extraordinary lengths on our behalf. We should all be as appreciative of God as the citizens of Who-ville were of Horton once they learned there was someone bigger than they were.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Sluts And the City - 5 Tubs
Did I say that? OK, I get it that millions of SATC fans are going to get mad at me, but this is my blog and I'm just reporting the facts; this chick flick attracts pigs and - according to my theater manager, bitches. I didn't personally run into any bitches, but I did bitch about the mess the women made in my theater.
The funny thing about SATC is that it attracted groups of women - a girls-night-out kind of thing. And these girls came dressed to party. Each woman had to look better than the rest of the girls she was coming with. And they brought their cute little wine bottles and sipped from theater courtesy cups...and left the bottles under their seats. There were 25 bottles under seven seats. I hope they brought a designated driver.
Like the women in the movie, most of the women coming to see SATC are less than attractive and only sexy because men will sleep with anything that will lie still long enough. None of the actresses in this movie are sexy - least of all Sarah Jessica Parker. She bears a strong resemblance to the witch that was crushed under the house in the Wizard of Oz. But Hollywood is great at creating fiction and getting people to accept it as fact. What is a fact is that the SATC fans left a lot of trash in my theater, on purpose of course. It used to be that 'chick-flicks' were relatively clean because women would only buy a small popcorn and a bottle of water. Now they're buying the large combos and supplementing them with a little wine and a bag of candy from Target next door.
One of the managers, a devout Muslim, shook his head in disgust upon seeing so many women lined up at the concession stand. "These women," he whispered to me, 'these women - they are liberal women! They don't care how they look in public! They dress like sluts! They should name this movie "Sluts And the City"." When he helped us clean the theater after these liberal women left, his opinion was only reinforced. "Why are American women such bitches!?" I laughed and told him that he ought to have to clean the women's bathroom. The mere thought of sanitary napkins overflowing the trash cans caused him to pull out his prayer mat.
The funny thing about SATC is that it attracted groups of women - a girls-night-out kind of thing. And these girls came dressed to party. Each woman had to look better than the rest of the girls she was coming with. And they brought their cute little wine bottles and sipped from theater courtesy cups...and left the bottles under their seats. There were 25 bottles under seven seats. I hope they brought a designated driver.
Like the women in the movie, most of the women coming to see SATC are less than attractive and only sexy because men will sleep with anything that will lie still long enough. None of the actresses in this movie are sexy - least of all Sarah Jessica Parker. She bears a strong resemblance to the witch that was crushed under the house in the Wizard of Oz. But Hollywood is great at creating fiction and getting people to accept it as fact. What is a fact is that the SATC fans left a lot of trash in my theater, on purpose of course. It used to be that 'chick-flicks' were relatively clean because women would only buy a small popcorn and a bottle of water. Now they're buying the large combos and supplementing them with a little wine and a bag of candy from Target next door.
One of the managers, a devout Muslim, shook his head in disgust upon seeing so many women lined up at the concession stand. "These women," he whispered to me, 'these women - they are liberal women! They don't care how they look in public! They dress like sluts! They should name this movie "Sluts And the City"." When he helped us clean the theater after these liberal women left, his opinion was only reinforced. "Why are American women such bitches!?" I laughed and told him that he ought to have to clean the women's bathroom. The mere thought of sanitary napkins overflowing the trash cans caused him to pull out his prayer mat.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
I don't know how Harrison Ford does it. He's certainly looking his age in the movie; a far cry from the sexy Han Solo in Star Wars. It is said that Ford did a lot of his own stunts in the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I doubt he really made that trip in the refrigerator thrown miles by a nuclear blast. I even doubt that he swung on that whip and ended up in the front seat of the deuce-in-half. I suspect that he spent more time in a cast chair with his name on it. At least that's how I would do it if I were the star of this movie.
Despite Indy falling short of Hollywood's expectations over the weekend, lots of people still came out to trash my theater. Opening the movie on Memorial Day weekend may not have been the brightest idea with so many people traveling, but for those of us who couldn't afford the rising gas costs and stayed close to home, coming to a theater must have seemed like a good way to avoid working around the house. The film grossed $126M opening on May 22nd for the extended holiday weekend.
Three people called in last night, making me the only usher. Fortunately for the theater I am the best usher they have. Still, my feet hurt so much by the time I got off last night that I had to walk on the sides of my feet from the car to my house. They hurt this morning. Getting old sucks! Forget about running down steps that are collapsing around you, I had trouble walking down the steps with five soda cups and two tubs of uneaten popcorn in my arms.
According to my odometer, I walked the equivalent of 5 miles at work last night. I remember when I could run 5 miles. I wonder if Harrison needed to put his feet up for a few days after making Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. He probably had someone to massage his feet. Maybe I'll suggest the theater hire feet massagers at this Saturday's employee meeting. It will be dismissed like my last suggestion to purchase plastic bags that won't leak all over the carpets. Rumor has it that Ford is reprising his Jack Ryan role, much like Sylvester Stallone came back with another Rocky (which was good) and Rambo (which wasn't) movie. Perhaps they're going through male menopause. If so, I'll join them. I'm thinking of going back into the Army so I can march twenty miles a day.
Despite Indy falling short of Hollywood's expectations over the weekend, lots of people still came out to trash my theater. Opening the movie on Memorial Day weekend may not have been the brightest idea with so many people traveling, but for those of us who couldn't afford the rising gas costs and stayed close to home, coming to a theater must have seemed like a good way to avoid working around the house. The film grossed $126M opening on May 22nd for the extended holiday weekend.
Three people called in last night, making me the only usher. Fortunately for the theater I am the best usher they have. Still, my feet hurt so much by the time I got off last night that I had to walk on the sides of my feet from the car to my house. They hurt this morning. Getting old sucks! Forget about running down steps that are collapsing around you, I had trouble walking down the steps with five soda cups and two tubs of uneaten popcorn in my arms.
According to my odometer, I walked the equivalent of 5 miles at work last night. I remember when I could run 5 miles. I wonder if Harrison needed to put his feet up for a few days after making Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. He probably had someone to massage his feet. Maybe I'll suggest the theater hire feet massagers at this Saturday's employee meeting. It will be dismissed like my last suggestion to purchase plastic bags that won't leak all over the carpets. Rumor has it that Ford is reprising his Jack Ryan role, much like Sylvester Stallone came back with another Rocky (which was good) and Rambo (which wasn't) movie. Perhaps they're going through male menopause. If so, I'll join them. I'm thinking of going back into the Army so I can march twenty miles a day.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Stars of Hope
This past week we started our annual Stars of Hope campaign to raise money for four charities, including the Boys and Girls Clubs of America. We're asking movie goers to contribute $1 towards these charities. The corporate goal is a minimum of 1 percent of gross ticket sales, something very attainable. We ask donors to write their names on these stars and then we place them on the walls down both ends of our theater. It would be nice to line both hallways on both sides with red, white, and gold (corporate sponsors) stars. Here are my observations from working the box office over the weekend:
Most people say no when asked if they'd like to contribute a dollar to the Stars for Hope campaign. Probably 95% of the people asked say no. Of those who said yes, most were young and middle aged couples. The ones who said no most often were senior citizens and college students. High school kids said yes more than college students, which is understandable if they were using their parents money to go to the movies and college students might actually have to work their way through college.
Military gets the highest marks. Every person that showed a military ID card to me said yes when asked. Maybe it's something to do with giving back to the nation. I was very proud of my fellow active duty and retired veterans this weekend.:)
People who bought multiple tickets tended to donate where single movie goers tended not to.
A handful of people complained about being asked to donate a dollar when they'd already paid $9 to get into the movie. Some told us to take it out of the cost of the ticket. These are people you'd just as soon God didn't bless anymore until they learn a lesson in humility. It's perfectly fine to say no. You're not forced to give, it's just something the theater is trying to do to help the community. It's another thing to complain about actually doing something that will benefit someone other than yourself. You see, going to a movie is not a necessity. You can go your whole life and never need to see a movie. Going to a theater is about entertainment. It's a treat you give yourself; it's a two hour escape from reality.
Going to movies is a self-serving act. Charity is about serving someone else. You're paying at least $9 on yourself, but you're not willing to spend a dollar to help someone else. That's selfish. Sure, you might give to your church or to the Red Cross or the spotted-owl protection fund. You'll give the government up to half of your income in taxes (grudgingly of course). You'll pay almost $4.o0 for a gallon of gas and drive just as much as you did when it was $2.00 per gallon. It's all choices.
Maybe $1 is too much. Maybe 95% of the people come to the conclusion that they've given enough and what they have left they're going to give to people who can do something for them - like entertain them. And that's fine. I don't expect everyone to donate; I'm just asking that you don't complain because we asked you to give a little more. Just say 'no thanks' if you've given your fair share. If everyone gives their fair share, there won't be hungry children living in trash dumps in Iraq and Africa and China. If everyone gives their fair share than there won't be poverty and inner city kids will have a camp they can go to to escape the concrete jungles we build around them.
I have no strong feelings about any of the charities that Stars of Hope benefit, but I had a couple of dollars in my pocket that weren't needed, so there's a star in the name of my daughter and one in the name of my fiance because these are the people I work two jobs for. I honor them by giving a little bit to help someone else. It's not like I could have bought anything at the theater with the dollar anyway.
Most people say no when asked if they'd like to contribute a dollar to the Stars for Hope campaign. Probably 95% of the people asked say no. Of those who said yes, most were young and middle aged couples. The ones who said no most often were senior citizens and college students. High school kids said yes more than college students, which is understandable if they were using their parents money to go to the movies and college students might actually have to work their way through college.
Military gets the highest marks. Every person that showed a military ID card to me said yes when asked. Maybe it's something to do with giving back to the nation. I was very proud of my fellow active duty and retired veterans this weekend.:)
People who bought multiple tickets tended to donate where single movie goers tended not to.
A handful of people complained about being asked to donate a dollar when they'd already paid $9 to get into the movie. Some told us to take it out of the cost of the ticket. These are people you'd just as soon God didn't bless anymore until they learn a lesson in humility. It's perfectly fine to say no. You're not forced to give, it's just something the theater is trying to do to help the community. It's another thing to complain about actually doing something that will benefit someone other than yourself. You see, going to a movie is not a necessity. You can go your whole life and never need to see a movie. Going to a theater is about entertainment. It's a treat you give yourself; it's a two hour escape from reality.
Going to movies is a self-serving act. Charity is about serving someone else. You're paying at least $9 on yourself, but you're not willing to spend a dollar to help someone else. That's selfish. Sure, you might give to your church or to the Red Cross or the spotted-owl protection fund. You'll give the government up to half of your income in taxes (grudgingly of course). You'll pay almost $4.o0 for a gallon of gas and drive just as much as you did when it was $2.00 per gallon. It's all choices.
Maybe $1 is too much. Maybe 95% of the people come to the conclusion that they've given enough and what they have left they're going to give to people who can do something for them - like entertain them. And that's fine. I don't expect everyone to donate; I'm just asking that you don't complain because we asked you to give a little more. Just say 'no thanks' if you've given your fair share. If everyone gives their fair share, there won't be hungry children living in trash dumps in Iraq and Africa and China. If everyone gives their fair share than there won't be poverty and inner city kids will have a camp they can go to to escape the concrete jungles we build around them.
I have no strong feelings about any of the charities that Stars of Hope benefit, but I had a couple of dollars in my pocket that weren't needed, so there's a star in the name of my daughter and one in the name of my fiance because these are the people I work two jobs for. I honor them by giving a little bit to help someone else. It's not like I could have bought anything at the theater with the dollar anyway.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Speed Racer - 4 Tubs
Save your money, watch the cartoon on TV. The studios blew $100 million on this loser. Hollywood has set the graphics and special effects bar way too high for people to be satisfied with this animae film. Wait for the DVD. Save your $9 bucks and the $20 for candy and popcorn. Enough said.
Red Belt - 0 Tubs
Many years ago, I was very much into the martial arts. I studied Tae Kwon Do while stationed in Asmara, Ethiopia; though I only earned a yellow belt before moving on to more exciting things like hanging out at the club at night. The first night in class the instructor had the new guys punching the concrete walls. If you did it right, it hurt; if you did it wrong, you broke your hand. We did that for a couple of weeks before he started teaching us how to fall when struck. Our sensei struck us often. We learned how to fall for about a month before he decided it was time to start teaching us how to defend ourselves. By this time I was disenchanted with my skinny body and lack of upper body strength. Forget knuckle pushups, I was lucky to do them the normal way. Simultaneously with learning Tae Kwon Do, I started taking fencing classes because they were on alternating nights. After a few weeks my TKD instructor found out that I was doing both martial arts and told me I'd have to choose. Fencing develops the leg muscles differently than what is needed in TKD. Rather than lunging, TKD required flexibility and the ability to do high spinning back kicks. I decided to give up fencing because there wasn't much liklihood I'd be attacked by someone with a sword. The odds were much greater that I'd be attacked by a gang of Ethiopian street thugs on the way home at night, so TKD it was.
I saw the best of the best back then: Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Joe Lewis - the US kick-boxing champ, Ed Parker, Dan Inosanto, Jhoon Rhee, and others. Of course most people have never heard of some of these fighters. The reason I enjoyed Red Belt is because it is the most realistic martial arts film I've ever seen. There are no floating kicks or punching someone through walls or getting back up when you're hit in the head with numchucks. Other than Bruce Lee, who was one of a kind, most martial arts fights I witnessed were more grappling and feinting, where one fighter wasn't able to strike whenever and wherever he wished. Often it is hard to keep up with the struggle and to determine why one opponent receives a point for striking the other opponent.
Red Belt is about a martial arts instructor who refuses to compete. He believes that competition weakens a person. He taught students to become fighters, not competitors. Although some of the scenes fail to connect to the plot of the story, and while it's obvious that this was a low budget film, even with stars like Tim Allen, Max Martini (from The Unit on CBS), Chiwetel Ejiofor - the jiu-jitsu master, and other recognizable character actors; the authenticity of this film is what makes it work. Even the filming of the fight scene at the end of the movie leaves the viewer wondering who is hitting whom. In the end, Ejiofor (Mike Terry) remains a fighter, not a competitor, and receives the highest honor from his mentor - the Professor.
I gave Red Belt zero tubs because no one is coming to see the movie; and that's unfortunate. I was the only person in the auditorium last night. Of course, it was Tuesday night and our week nights are very slow. At least the usher didn't have to clean up behind me. I took my trash, including any popcorn that had fallen onto the floor with me when I left the theater. I am Theater Usher.
I saw the best of the best back then: Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Joe Lewis - the US kick-boxing champ, Ed Parker, Dan Inosanto, Jhoon Rhee, and others. Of course most people have never heard of some of these fighters. The reason I enjoyed Red Belt is because it is the most realistic martial arts film I've ever seen. There are no floating kicks or punching someone through walls or getting back up when you're hit in the head with numchucks. Other than Bruce Lee, who was one of a kind, most martial arts fights I witnessed were more grappling and feinting, where one fighter wasn't able to strike whenever and wherever he wished. Often it is hard to keep up with the struggle and to determine why one opponent receives a point for striking the other opponent.
Red Belt is about a martial arts instructor who refuses to compete. He believes that competition weakens a person. He taught students to become fighters, not competitors. Although some of the scenes fail to connect to the plot of the story, and while it's obvious that this was a low budget film, even with stars like Tim Allen, Max Martini (from The Unit on CBS), Chiwetel Ejiofor - the jiu-jitsu master, and other recognizable character actors; the authenticity of this film is what makes it work. Even the filming of the fight scene at the end of the movie leaves the viewer wondering who is hitting whom. In the end, Ejiofor (Mike Terry) remains a fighter, not a competitor, and receives the highest honor from his mentor - the Professor.
I gave Red Belt zero tubs because no one is coming to see the movie; and that's unfortunate. I was the only person in the auditorium last night. Of course, it was Tuesday night and our week nights are very slow. At least the usher didn't have to clean up behind me. I took my trash, including any popcorn that had fallen onto the floor with me when I left the theater. I am Theater Usher.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Made of Honor - 4 Tubs
I know I'm going to get hate-mail, but IMHO the reason that Made of Honor deserves its 4-tub rating is because most of the women coming to see Patrick Dempsey are porkers. The same thing happened with that Natalie Portman period piece about Henry Vth or the 8th or whatever it was. Although Dempsey portrayed a 'player' in the movie, he wouldn't give these fans a second glance.
Enough about the trash: Made of Honor is a decent movie. What makes it good is that Dempsey's character, when faced with losing someone he's taken for granted, realizes that she's the best thing in his life. Hannah (Michelle Monaghan), who's used to Tom's one-night flings finally finds herself in love and gets engaged to Irish royalty. In the process of Tom trying to sabotage the wedding, Hannah realizes that Tom is more than her best friend and MOH, but also in love with him.
It's a fun movie to watch, a bitch to clean up. Could be worse: the guys over in Iron Man would like Made of Honor too if they saw it.
Enough about the trash: Made of Honor is a decent movie. What makes it good is that Dempsey's character, when faced with losing someone he's taken for granted, realizes that she's the best thing in his life. Hannah (Michelle Monaghan), who's used to Tom's one-night flings finally finds herself in love and gets engaged to Irish royalty. In the process of Tom trying to sabotage the wedding, Hannah realizes that Tom is more than her best friend and MOH, but also in love with him.
It's a fun movie to watch, a bitch to clean up. Could be worse: the guys over in Iron Man would like Made of Honor too if they saw it.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Iron Man - 4 Tubs
What can I say? You'd think that a movie that has attracted mostly adults, albeit - males, would not look as though the auditorium had just gone through several kid's birthday pinata parties all at the same time. It's embarrassing to be a man!
What's more embarrassing is the number of men who're still reading comic books and know who Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. are; and not only that, but to get as excited over the sequel as they are over their Winston Cup driver winning the Daytona 500. Being a careful observer of movie-goers, Iron Man attracts geeks, freaks, dykes, and red-necks. If you're one of those, you'll enjoy the movie. If you read above an 8th grade level you'll get more from Harold & Kumar - Escape from Guantanemo (not really - it's a stupid movie; but you get my point).
My biggest peeve about Iron Man is the 30 second clip at the very end of the movie. As my pastor pointed out, Hollywood doesn't have a clue as to what theaters need. Putting this clip after 8 minutes of credits is not only a disservice to the Iron Man fans, but it means that the ushers can't start cleaning the theater until these adult children have vacated the auditorium. Opening weekend saw lines forming outside the three auditoriums before the credits started. Fans that arrive early for a good seat have to wait an additional 15-20 minutes while we clean up after the pigs who came to the earlier showing. The wait, had Hollywood cared, would have been much less if they had inserted the Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) clip at the end of the movie rather than at the end of the credits. Here's where I save you fans 12 minutes of wasted time: Tony Stark arrives home to find an intruder (Nick Fury) standing at his window. Fury says, "I am Iron Man!"...do you think that you're the only super hero out there?" Who the hell are you, Stark asks. Fury steps into the light so you can see Samuel L Jackson with eye patch and says, "Nick Fury. I'm here to talk to you about the Avenger initiative.", thus setting up the sequel.
Iron Man is a pretty good action movie to kick off the summer blockbuster season. It scored big at the box office with over $100M opening weekend. Coming next are: Narnia - Prince Caspian, Speed Racer, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Hancock, and not least - Batman - The Dark Knight starring Heath Ledger and setting up for Batman vs Superman. Just think of the landfills we're going to fill this summer!
What's more embarrassing is the number of men who're still reading comic books and know who Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. are; and not only that, but to get as excited over the sequel as they are over their Winston Cup driver winning the Daytona 500. Being a careful observer of movie-goers, Iron Man attracts geeks, freaks, dykes, and red-necks. If you're one of those, you'll enjoy the movie. If you read above an 8th grade level you'll get more from Harold & Kumar - Escape from Guantanemo (not really - it's a stupid movie; but you get my point).
My biggest peeve about Iron Man is the 30 second clip at the very end of the movie. As my pastor pointed out, Hollywood doesn't have a clue as to what theaters need. Putting this clip after 8 minutes of credits is not only a disservice to the Iron Man fans, but it means that the ushers can't start cleaning the theater until these adult children have vacated the auditorium. Opening weekend saw lines forming outside the three auditoriums before the credits started. Fans that arrive early for a good seat have to wait an additional 15-20 minutes while we clean up after the pigs who came to the earlier showing. The wait, had Hollywood cared, would have been much less if they had inserted the Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) clip at the end of the movie rather than at the end of the credits. Here's where I save you fans 12 minutes of wasted time: Tony Stark arrives home to find an intruder (Nick Fury) standing at his window. Fury says, "I am Iron Man!"...do you think that you're the only super hero out there?" Who the hell are you, Stark asks. Fury steps into the light so you can see Samuel L Jackson with eye patch and says, "Nick Fury. I'm here to talk to you about the Avenger initiative.", thus setting up the sequel.
Iron Man is a pretty good action movie to kick off the summer blockbuster season. It scored big at the box office with over $100M opening weekend. Coming next are: Narnia - Prince Caspian, Speed Racer, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Hancock, and not least - Batman - The Dark Knight starring Heath Ledger and setting up for Batman vs Superman. Just think of the landfills we're going to fill this summer!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Baby Mama - 2 Tubs
Baby Mama is a hard title to say. People ask for Baby's Mama, My Baby's Mama, Mama Baby, etc. Why they chose to go with Ebonics to choose a title when there's only one black actor in the movie is beyond me. Surprisingly, this is a pretty good movie. My daughter and I laughed our butts off on Friday night; then on Saturday when I had to clean the theater I was pleasantly surprised that only a handful of people had left their trash in their seats. This is even more surprising because the movie has attracted all sorts of people: white, black, young, old, women, men, singles & couples. It's not an Oscar's qualifier (not that the stuff that does get nominated are deserving) but it's entertaining; and that's what going to a movie is all about. My favorite line was from the biological mom on her way to the delivery room responding to a stupid question about how she was doing; her response: "It feels like I'm shitting knives!". I think that sums it up pretty descriptively for most mothers.
What does this movie say about our culture today? Well, it tackles surrogate parenting and designer babies. Should couples, or single women for that matter, be able to choose donor traits to custom design their babies? This is a big deal for those in the gay community and infertile couples who would like to raise their own children. One California surrogacy and egg donation center has helped over 400 couples and individuals since 2003 realize their dream of becoming a parent. There are 55 babies due some time this year from this one clinic alone.
It's a profitable business too. The agency may require a retainer from $9-12K, plus $25K compensation for the surrogage mom, plus $5K for pharmacy, plus c-section and delivery costs, $250 per week for bed rest, $250 per week for a low income surrogate mom (I don't understand this one when you're giving them $25,000 to carry your baby. The fees go on and on. In Baby Mama, the agency fees were $100K; and as the mother-to-be pointed out, "It costs more to have someone born than it does to have them killed!" It takes longer too.
My last wife and I did pretty good turning out my youngest daughter. Not only does she have our DNA, or rather in spite of having our DNA, she's both beautiful and intelligent. It only cost us $5,000 and the insurance paid half of that. Of course, I've been pretty fertile myself, sireing five children. For those who can't have children biologically and who don't want to consider adopting some one else's children, designer babies might be the way to go. On the other hand it sounds a little like what Hitler tried to do when he wanted to create the ultimate race. Hollywood, as usual, provides a shallow Utopian viewpoint, but the full implications might not be realized in our lifetimes....now if we could extract the gene that causes slovenliness and irresponsibility, we might end up with a better world.
What does this movie say about our culture today? Well, it tackles surrogate parenting and designer babies. Should couples, or single women for that matter, be able to choose donor traits to custom design their babies? This is a big deal for those in the gay community and infertile couples who would like to raise their own children. One California surrogacy and egg donation center has helped over 400 couples and individuals since 2003 realize their dream of becoming a parent. There are 55 babies due some time this year from this one clinic alone.
It's a profitable business too. The agency may require a retainer from $9-12K, plus $25K compensation for the surrogage mom, plus $5K for pharmacy, plus c-section and delivery costs, $250 per week for bed rest, $250 per week for a low income surrogate mom (I don't understand this one when you're giving them $25,000 to carry your baby. The fees go on and on. In Baby Mama, the agency fees were $100K; and as the mother-to-be pointed out, "It costs more to have someone born than it does to have them killed!" It takes longer too.
My last wife and I did pretty good turning out my youngest daughter. Not only does she have our DNA, or rather in spite of having our DNA, she's both beautiful and intelligent. It only cost us $5,000 and the insurance paid half of that. Of course, I've been pretty fertile myself, sireing five children. For those who can't have children biologically and who don't want to consider adopting some one else's children, designer babies might be the way to go. On the other hand it sounds a little like what Hitler tried to do when he wanted to create the ultimate race. Hollywood, as usual, provides a shallow Utopian viewpoint, but the full implications might not be realized in our lifetimes....now if we could extract the gene that causes slovenliness and irresponsibility, we might end up with a better world.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Too Busy!!!!!
I've been so busy at my 'real' job that I haven't had time to post any reviews lately. That, and I was gone for awhile to visit my fiance in Omaha. That was way more fun than cleaning theaters.
Another reason that I haven't written in awhile is that there hasn't been anything worth you paying $9-12 to go see. Weekdays we only sell between 200-300 tickets for the entire day. Weekends we're somewhere around 1500-2000 per day. Normally a weekend would net 3,000 and up per Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Even before the writer's strike Hollywood was struggling to get people to the movies; things are not improving with time.
The movies to watch out for this summer are: Iron Man, Narnia - Prince Caspian, Batman, Wall-E, and the new Indiana Jones movies. It may not be a big hit, but M Night Shyamalan, The Happening is a movie I'm looking forwards to. The theater is already gearing up to hire an additional 20 employees to help with the summer traffic.
As for now, here's a run-down of how current movies are trashed:
21 - 4 Tubs
The Forbidden Kingdom - 4 Tubs
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - 4 Tubs (this is a really stupid movie - save your money unless you enjoy looking at a man's genitals).
88 Minutes - 3 Tubs
Prom Night - 3 Tubs (great for me - teenagers' baggy pants continue to spill coins under the seats)
Horton Hears a Who - 3 Tubs - down from 5 tubs, but near the end of the run
Smart People - 2 Tubs
Shutter - 1 Tub (another waste of money)
Street Kings - 4 Tubs
Leatherheads - 2 Tubs
Nim's Island - 4 Tubs (Jodie Foster sucks at comedy)
Meet The Browns - down to 3 Tubs near the end of the theater run
Sorry I've been out of pocket for so long. I'll try to find something worth writing about in a couple of weeks:).
DMC
Another reason that I haven't written in awhile is that there hasn't been anything worth you paying $9-12 to go see. Weekdays we only sell between 200-300 tickets for the entire day. Weekends we're somewhere around 1500-2000 per day. Normally a weekend would net 3,000 and up per Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Even before the writer's strike Hollywood was struggling to get people to the movies; things are not improving with time.
The movies to watch out for this summer are: Iron Man, Narnia - Prince Caspian, Batman, Wall-E, and the new Indiana Jones movies. It may not be a big hit, but M Night Shyamalan, The Happening is a movie I'm looking forwards to. The theater is already gearing up to hire an additional 20 employees to help with the summer traffic.
As for now, here's a run-down of how current movies are trashed:
21 - 4 Tubs
The Forbidden Kingdom - 4 Tubs
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - 4 Tubs (this is a really stupid movie - save your money unless you enjoy looking at a man's genitals).
88 Minutes - 3 Tubs
Prom Night - 3 Tubs (great for me - teenagers' baggy pants continue to spill coins under the seats)
Horton Hears a Who - 3 Tubs - down from 5 tubs, but near the end of the run
Smart People - 2 Tubs
Shutter - 1 Tub (another waste of money)
Street Kings - 4 Tubs
Leatherheads - 2 Tubs
Nim's Island - 4 Tubs (Jodie Foster sucks at comedy)
Meet The Browns - down to 3 Tubs near the end of the theater run
Sorry I've been out of pocket for so long. I'll try to find something worth writing about in a couple of weeks:).
DMC
Friday, April 11, 2008
Stop-Loss - 4 Tubs
As you might expect from MTV, this is a political movie; another anti-war waste of $9 bucks. I had high hopes for this movie; and in some ways it does justice to the characters. The emphasis on sticking by your team mates is very much a part of being a soldier. What isn't realistic though is to portray the majority of soldiers caught up in a stop-loss as being anti-establishment. A soldier learns early on that the mission is more important than a soldier. We're taught to always complete the mission, regardless of whether it's popular with the folks back home.
As for the condition of the theater auditorium after viewers have left, there must be a mindset to those who are attracted to this sort of movie to protest anything and everything. These patrons pony up the bucks to get in, but they complain the whole time and then leave their trash as a way of getting out of personal responsibilty. The movie attracts mostly white viewers, both male and female; mostly middle-aged or younger. These viewers grew up hearing about how their parents burned their bras and draft cards when they were young and this is the way the Busters (post-Boomers) choose to protest: by being irresponsible. Unlike the Hippies of the Sixties, this generation doesn't know what it's protesting against. Could be anything: George Bush, capitalism, corporate greed, Christianity, democracy, God, family values, etc. They come and watch a work of fiction and believe it's the way the world is.
You might notice that I'm not trying to be funny lately. After months of cleaning up behind people, I don't find it funny anymore. It's depressing. Every cup left in the seat, every popcorn tub spilled on the floor; all that buttery topping to cause you to slip and fall, all the salt on the seats, the McDonald's wrappers, the chicken bones, the vodka bottles, the occasional messy diaper or condom - it ain't funny any more. It's pitiful.
I think Michael Moore, that fat, rich sorry excuse for a human that he is, should make a documentary about theater goers. If he spins it right, G.W. Bush could be blamed for all the popcorn and soda containers filling our landfills.
OK, I've vented. Now I'm getting out of here so I can think about good and positive things - like my fiance:) Save your money and don't buy the DVD - you're too smart for the propaganda.
As for the condition of the theater auditorium after viewers have left, there must be a mindset to those who are attracted to this sort of movie to protest anything and everything. These patrons pony up the bucks to get in, but they complain the whole time and then leave their trash as a way of getting out of personal responsibilty. The movie attracts mostly white viewers, both male and female; mostly middle-aged or younger. These viewers grew up hearing about how their parents burned their bras and draft cards when they were young and this is the way the Busters (post-Boomers) choose to protest: by being irresponsible. Unlike the Hippies of the Sixties, this generation doesn't know what it's protesting against. Could be anything: George Bush, capitalism, corporate greed, Christianity, democracy, God, family values, etc. They come and watch a work of fiction and believe it's the way the world is.
You might notice that I'm not trying to be funny lately. After months of cleaning up behind people, I don't find it funny anymore. It's depressing. Every cup left in the seat, every popcorn tub spilled on the floor; all that buttery topping to cause you to slip and fall, all the salt on the seats, the McDonald's wrappers, the chicken bones, the vodka bottles, the occasional messy diaper or condom - it ain't funny any more. It's pitiful.
I think Michael Moore, that fat, rich sorry excuse for a human that he is, should make a documentary about theater goers. If he spins it right, G.W. Bush could be blamed for all the popcorn and soda containers filling our landfills.
OK, I've vented. Now I'm getting out of here so I can think about good and positive things - like my fiance:) Save your money and don't buy the DVD - you're too smart for the propaganda.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Meet the Browns - 4 Tubs
I've got some pictures I'm going to post on the website soon. However, I will admit that it isn't as bad as I had thought. Perhaps my writing on Tyler Perry's website and asking his fans to be more responsible had some impact after all. Maybe the word is getting out. Maybe you're passing this site on to your friends and they are conducting themselves accordingly.
You've got to love Tyler Perry, even if his movies all focus around the same themes. Meet the Browns is the first big screen introduction of David and Tamela Mann, who played the same roles in the stage play Meet the Browns. David Mann is simply funny. Tyler played up the movie by having "Mr. Brown" appear on recent episodes of House of Payne. And Tyler does a cameo in Meet the Browns to set up his new movie, Madea Goes To Jail, due out later this year.
Meet the Browns had no competition last week, except for Horton Hears a Who. This week it will go up against 21, but should still pull a strong second, if not retain it's first place at the box office. Meet the Browns would have gathered more market share if it hadn't opened on Good Friday when people were traveling out of town. It's also Spring Break season, so people who might have normally gone to the movies are out of town. It might also have done better if there were other movies worth the $9-12 bucks it costs to get in. Whenever people see a lot of cars in the theater parking lot, they seemed compelled to stop and come watch a movie themselves.
Here's my take on Meet the Browns: It's funny, touching, and has . Many of us can identify with the single mom who has no money for groceries, has her electricity turned off and loses her job in the same week. She's got three kids, thankfully good ones, to raise. Just when she doesn't know where else to turn, she learns that her biological father has passed away and she's inherited his rental property - a dump; but her family and a suitor come to the rescue and turn it into a beautiful home just because she's family. Family is important to Tyler Perry, as it should be to us all. Who knows? With all the baby boomers about to retire and there already a shortage of quality long term care facilities, we may see parents moving in with their kids rather than the other way around.
Go see the movie, laugh, wipe your tears, and take your trash when you leave. The ushers, and Tyler Perry thank you for your business.
You've got to love Tyler Perry, even if his movies all focus around the same themes. Meet the Browns is the first big screen introduction of David and Tamela Mann, who played the same roles in the stage play Meet the Browns. David Mann is simply funny. Tyler played up the movie by having "Mr. Brown" appear on recent episodes of House of Payne. And Tyler does a cameo in Meet the Browns to set up his new movie, Madea Goes To Jail, due out later this year.
Meet the Browns had no competition last week, except for Horton Hears a Who. This week it will go up against 21, but should still pull a strong second, if not retain it's first place at the box office. Meet the Browns would have gathered more market share if it hadn't opened on Good Friday when people were traveling out of town. It's also Spring Break season, so people who might have normally gone to the movies are out of town. It might also have done better if there were other movies worth the $9-12 bucks it costs to get in. Whenever people see a lot of cars in the theater parking lot, they seemed compelled to stop and come watch a movie themselves.
Here's my take on Meet the Browns: It's funny, touching, and has . Many of us can identify with the single mom who has no money for groceries, has her electricity turned off and loses her job in the same week. She's got three kids, thankfully good ones, to raise. Just when she doesn't know where else to turn, she learns that her biological father has passed away and she's inherited his rental property - a dump; but her family and a suitor come to the rescue and turn it into a beautiful home just because she's family. Family is important to Tyler Perry, as it should be to us all. Who knows? With all the baby boomers about to retire and there already a shortage of quality long term care facilities, we may see parents moving in with their kids rather than the other way around.
Go see the movie, laugh, wipe your tears, and take your trash when you leave. The ushers, and Tyler Perry thank you for your business.
Monday, March 17, 2008
The World Outside the Theater
Sometimes (most of the time) I get so focussed on the little things at work that I lose track of why I'm doing it. I spend most of the time thinking about all the work that isn't getting done around the house or counting down the hours until I get off and can rest my feet; and then something happens to put things into perspective.
On Saturday, my daughter's best friend's dad died suddenly of a heart attack. The family was working a charity and the dad (I choose not to name them in respect for their privacy) was working with some small children when suddenly he collapsed. An ambulance was called and it left fifteen minutes before my daughter showed up to help her friend. I happened to call about the time that my daughter learned that her friend's dad had died. She was so distraught that she hung up on me. When I finally reached her a couple hours later and heard the news, my daughter was (and still is) in shock and grief over her friend's loss.
My daughter's friend is the sort of young lady that any parent would be proud of. She's intelligent, mature, beautiful, and has an amazing character. I'm so grateful that Laura chooses this young lady as her best friend. I'm also proud of my daughter because she is of similar heart. Yesterday she spent hours trying to find a movie that she enjoyed with her friend and her dad. She bought some candy, drove over to be with her, and the two walked by the pond where the father would walk with his daughter. He was a good man, a great father; and it's a tragedy that he was torn from his family before he could see his daughter in her prom dress, or watch her walk across the stage at graduation, or walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
My daughter said, "It's not fair. Why did God take him when he was doing good work?" I suppose it's all in one's perspective. My response was that God hadn't taken her friend's father - He'd caught him as he fell and He saved him. This doesn't mean much right now - the grief is real and it hurts so bad that it's hard to breathe. People always want for something comforting to say to the family who just lost a loved one - but there are no words that will accomplish what that family wants. This Sunday, we will celebrate the resurrection of Christ, but this family will wonder why God - who can do anything - won't bring back their husband and father. It's only later, when the grief is under control and the family is able to remember the good times with their loved one that words will help.
Part of my daughter's distress is the realization that she will someday face losing her own dad. She sobbed, "I don't know what I will do if something happens to you." The thing that most people who lose a loved one express is that they didn't get a chance to say goodbye, or they wish they had one more day, even one more hour, to be with the person they lost.
We all get those emails that tell a bittersweet story of loss and the importance of saying I love you every chance you get. In that light, I've decided that my daughter won't have to say that when I'm gone; although she will. But from now on, when we speak to each other every night over the phone, I'm going to be sure to tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her. This is the beginning of a long goodbye. We're going to treat our time together like it's our last time together. Maybe we'll start a diary and record what we did each day: watched "August Rush", dined at Olive Garden, climbed to the top of Chimney Rock". We'll take more pictures and videos; spend time talking about her dreams and goals. When I leave, I want nothing unsaid that needed to be said, nothing undone that was within my power to help make her life better, no promises unkept, no disagreement unresolved.
Getting the news of a good man's untimely death cleared my mind from how much my feet hurt and how angry I was at thoughtless people. I am blessed to be alive, to be able to work and earn a living. I'm blessed to already have been given a decade and a half more than my daughter's best friend's dad. I'm blessed because when it is my time, God is going to be there to catch me too. We'll both watch from Heaven and be quick to point out to God when our little girls need His help. We'll try to whisper to our girls when we think they're making mistakes. No man is good enough for our girls, but we want them happy. We want our wives (I've got one coming) happy and taken better care of than we were able to provide. Death can't destroy love and separation is not forever.
My prayers are for this family and with my daughter as she grieves for them.
On Saturday, my daughter's best friend's dad died suddenly of a heart attack. The family was working a charity and the dad (I choose not to name them in respect for their privacy) was working with some small children when suddenly he collapsed. An ambulance was called and it left fifteen minutes before my daughter showed up to help her friend. I happened to call about the time that my daughter learned that her friend's dad had died. She was so distraught that she hung up on me. When I finally reached her a couple hours later and heard the news, my daughter was (and still is) in shock and grief over her friend's loss.
My daughter's friend is the sort of young lady that any parent would be proud of. She's intelligent, mature, beautiful, and has an amazing character. I'm so grateful that Laura chooses this young lady as her best friend. I'm also proud of my daughter because she is of similar heart. Yesterday she spent hours trying to find a movie that she enjoyed with her friend and her dad. She bought some candy, drove over to be with her, and the two walked by the pond where the father would walk with his daughter. He was a good man, a great father; and it's a tragedy that he was torn from his family before he could see his daughter in her prom dress, or watch her walk across the stage at graduation, or walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
My daughter said, "It's not fair. Why did God take him when he was doing good work?" I suppose it's all in one's perspective. My response was that God hadn't taken her friend's father - He'd caught him as he fell and He saved him. This doesn't mean much right now - the grief is real and it hurts so bad that it's hard to breathe. People always want for something comforting to say to the family who just lost a loved one - but there are no words that will accomplish what that family wants. This Sunday, we will celebrate the resurrection of Christ, but this family will wonder why God - who can do anything - won't bring back their husband and father. It's only later, when the grief is under control and the family is able to remember the good times with their loved one that words will help.
Part of my daughter's distress is the realization that she will someday face losing her own dad. She sobbed, "I don't know what I will do if something happens to you." The thing that most people who lose a loved one express is that they didn't get a chance to say goodbye, or they wish they had one more day, even one more hour, to be with the person they lost.
We all get those emails that tell a bittersweet story of loss and the importance of saying I love you every chance you get. In that light, I've decided that my daughter won't have to say that when I'm gone; although she will. But from now on, when we speak to each other every night over the phone, I'm going to be sure to tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her. This is the beginning of a long goodbye. We're going to treat our time together like it's our last time together. Maybe we'll start a diary and record what we did each day: watched "August Rush", dined at Olive Garden, climbed to the top of Chimney Rock". We'll take more pictures and videos; spend time talking about her dreams and goals. When I leave, I want nothing unsaid that needed to be said, nothing undone that was within my power to help make her life better, no promises unkept, no disagreement unresolved.
Getting the news of a good man's untimely death cleared my mind from how much my feet hurt and how angry I was at thoughtless people. I am blessed to be alive, to be able to work and earn a living. I'm blessed to already have been given a decade and a half more than my daughter's best friend's dad. I'm blessed because when it is my time, God is going to be there to catch me too. We'll both watch from Heaven and be quick to point out to God when our little girls need His help. We'll try to whisper to our girls when we think they're making mistakes. No man is good enough for our girls, but we want them happy. We want our wives (I've got one coming) happy and taken better care of than we were able to provide. Death can't destroy love and separation is not forever.
My prayers are for this family and with my daughter as she grieves for them.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Theater Employees
Our theater hires an assortment of odd characters - myself being the oddest. I'm also the oldest. Most of our employees are teenagers - juniors and seniors, some high-school drop-outs, and a handful of employees with some sort of learning disability. There are some younger adults, who like myself, work at other jobs; some are in the restaurant business, others in dry cleaning or retail. Since only the two full-time managers get 40 hours a week, a second or third job is a necessity.
As soon as I walked in last night, a female employee rushed over to show off her new hickey. She's madly in puppy love with a teenage boy who works both concessions and usher. They've been a couple now for almost a month, so it's pretty serious.
There is one employee who's autistic. He's also lazy. His mom insists that he's capable of doing more, but management is afraid to ask him do more than tear tickets. When a manager has asked him to count the tickets, he claims he can't count; nor can he use Windex to clean the doors when there's a lull in theater traffic. I agree with his mom, this kid is more lazy than disabled. He's always waiting for me to arrive so he can leave. I'll refuse to relieve him though until he counts his tickets. The other day he moaned, "Why do you put me through so much misery?" I wonder who's going to take care of him when his parents are gone. In the meantime, this 'special needs' employee spends his four or five hour shift walking in circles and swinging his arms, which is more exercise than some of us get.
Then there are three rather plump ladies that do nothing but work the box office. There's one in particular who gets a lot of complaints because she does a lot of sighing when she has to put down her puzzle book and actually sell some tickets. The box office people are isolated from the rest of the theater staff, so we don't really know them as well as we know one another in concessions and usher.
The GM keeps threatening to train me in concessions. I don't mind the work, I just can't see to read the little buttons on the screen. Every size of popcorn, soda, and every item of candy has it's own button. I'll have to wear my reading glasses to see the monitor and will spend a lot of time wiping the popcorn oil from the lenses.
There's one usher who's a pretty good worker, when he's not talking to customers. He has this habit of asking people leaving the theater, "So, from one to five stars, how many would you give this movie?" The customer will answer 'Three", and the usher will say, "Really?! Gosh, I would have given it a 3 1/2 stars. You know this film was produced by Miramax and they're only good at putting out movies that include a lot of sex. The best film makers are the French, yada-yada-yada." By the time he finishes talking to the customer, I've cleaned the theater and we're on to the next auditorium where he grabs another unsuspecting customer and goes through it all again.
We have another employee who really doesn't want to be there. He spends most of his time texting. Theater rules are that employees leave their cell phones either in their cars or in the locker in the breakroom. This guy claims that he sends and receives over 10,000 text messages a month. His thumbs are flat as pancakes.
Managers earn their money at the theater. They back up the box office and concessions when we're busy, help clean the theater, inventory every cup and bag and candy bar every night, run the projectors, make the schedules, build the movies, unload the supply truck, and put up with us employees. I used to think I wanted to manage a theater, but after watching what these guys have to do and the late hours they have to work (as late as 4 in the morning), no thanks.
My favorite manager is a Pakistani. He only works on Saturday nights. He's my age, so we get along really well. We both gripe about Hillary and how the Republicans are no different from Democrats anymore. We're leaning towards Obama because at least he admits he's a liberal. He's a Muslim, I'm a Christian - which must come as a surprise to other Christians who read this blog. Sometimes we talk about our faith. He says, "You American Christians are fucked-up. You claim you follow Christ but you really follow money. All you care about is your big homes, your cars, your credit. What about the poor and hungry that Jesus told you to take care of?" I can't argue with him - he's right. He lives a simple life, hates debt, despises the excesses of Hollywood and people who look to actors and athletes as heroes. Despite our differences in faith, we're in agreement with how far America has fallen when it comes to being a nation the world should look up to. And in spite of our problems, he still loves America - just like I do. Late in the evenings, when we're both tired from cleaning theaters, my manager friend will tell me to take things slow - "Go do theater checks while we clean the rest of the auditoriums - take your time."
It's relationships like this that make cleaning up behind thoughtless people bearable. We don't have to like or get along with every person we work with, but we share a lot of the same experiences - even the same values. Anyone who works in a service industry will tell you it's a thankless job. People expect perfection but aren't willing to pay for it or give it the respect it's due. It's not a bad thing for a young girl to look at me as some father figure; or some teenage boy to learn a work ethic from 'the old guy'; or for a special needs kid to be challenged, or for a Muslim to consider a Christian as a friend. My feet may hurt, it may be hard to bend over and pick up a dropped ticket, but I'm blessed to be able to work and to have relationships with people I wouldn't have otherwise met.
Remember as you enter a theater that the people who work there have their own dreams and troubles. The person who tears your ticket may not be the brightest youth you've met, but he's qualified to tear tickets. The girl with the hickey isn't a slut, she's an honors student. The black guy who wants to know how many stars you'd give the movie likes Asian girlss and French cuisine and works full-time at Dairy Queen - he does the best he can. And if you see a couple of older guys cleaning the theater, grab a broom and help out.
As soon as I walked in last night, a female employee rushed over to show off her new hickey. She's madly in puppy love with a teenage boy who works both concessions and usher. They've been a couple now for almost a month, so it's pretty serious.
There is one employee who's autistic. He's also lazy. His mom insists that he's capable of doing more, but management is afraid to ask him do more than tear tickets. When a manager has asked him to count the tickets, he claims he can't count; nor can he use Windex to clean the doors when there's a lull in theater traffic. I agree with his mom, this kid is more lazy than disabled. He's always waiting for me to arrive so he can leave. I'll refuse to relieve him though until he counts his tickets. The other day he moaned, "Why do you put me through so much misery?" I wonder who's going to take care of him when his parents are gone. In the meantime, this 'special needs' employee spends his four or five hour shift walking in circles and swinging his arms, which is more exercise than some of us get.
Then there are three rather plump ladies that do nothing but work the box office. There's one in particular who gets a lot of complaints because she does a lot of sighing when she has to put down her puzzle book and actually sell some tickets. The box office people are isolated from the rest of the theater staff, so we don't really know them as well as we know one another in concessions and usher.
The GM keeps threatening to train me in concessions. I don't mind the work, I just can't see to read the little buttons on the screen. Every size of popcorn, soda, and every item of candy has it's own button. I'll have to wear my reading glasses to see the monitor and will spend a lot of time wiping the popcorn oil from the lenses.
There's one usher who's a pretty good worker, when he's not talking to customers. He has this habit of asking people leaving the theater, "So, from one to five stars, how many would you give this movie?" The customer will answer 'Three", and the usher will say, "Really?! Gosh, I would have given it a 3 1/2 stars. You know this film was produced by Miramax and they're only good at putting out movies that include a lot of sex. The best film makers are the French, yada-yada-yada." By the time he finishes talking to the customer, I've cleaned the theater and we're on to the next auditorium where he grabs another unsuspecting customer and goes through it all again.
We have another employee who really doesn't want to be there. He spends most of his time texting. Theater rules are that employees leave their cell phones either in their cars or in the locker in the breakroom. This guy claims that he sends and receives over 10,000 text messages a month. His thumbs are flat as pancakes.
Managers earn their money at the theater. They back up the box office and concessions when we're busy, help clean the theater, inventory every cup and bag and candy bar every night, run the projectors, make the schedules, build the movies, unload the supply truck, and put up with us employees. I used to think I wanted to manage a theater, but after watching what these guys have to do and the late hours they have to work (as late as 4 in the morning), no thanks.
My favorite manager is a Pakistani. He only works on Saturday nights. He's my age, so we get along really well. We both gripe about Hillary and how the Republicans are no different from Democrats anymore. We're leaning towards Obama because at least he admits he's a liberal. He's a Muslim, I'm a Christian - which must come as a surprise to other Christians who read this blog. Sometimes we talk about our faith. He says, "You American Christians are fucked-up. You claim you follow Christ but you really follow money. All you care about is your big homes, your cars, your credit. What about the poor and hungry that Jesus told you to take care of?" I can't argue with him - he's right. He lives a simple life, hates debt, despises the excesses of Hollywood and people who look to actors and athletes as heroes. Despite our differences in faith, we're in agreement with how far America has fallen when it comes to being a nation the world should look up to. And in spite of our problems, he still loves America - just like I do. Late in the evenings, when we're both tired from cleaning theaters, my manager friend will tell me to take things slow - "Go do theater checks while we clean the rest of the auditoriums - take your time."
It's relationships like this that make cleaning up behind thoughtless people bearable. We don't have to like or get along with every person we work with, but we share a lot of the same experiences - even the same values. Anyone who works in a service industry will tell you it's a thankless job. People expect perfection but aren't willing to pay for it or give it the respect it's due. It's not a bad thing for a young girl to look at me as some father figure; or some teenage boy to learn a work ethic from 'the old guy'; or for a special needs kid to be challenged, or for a Muslim to consider a Christian as a friend. My feet may hurt, it may be hard to bend over and pick up a dropped ticket, but I'm blessed to be able to work and to have relationships with people I wouldn't have otherwise met.
Remember as you enter a theater that the people who work there have their own dreams and troubles. The person who tears your ticket may not be the brightest youth you've met, but he's qualified to tear tickets. The girl with the hickey isn't a slut, she's an honors student. The black guy who wants to know how many stars you'd give the movie likes Asian girlss and French cuisine and works full-time at Dairy Queen - he does the best he can. And if you see a couple of older guys cleaning the theater, grab a broom and help out.
Monday, March 10, 2008
College Road Trip - 5 Tubs
I was on door duty between sets on Saturday. A rather unattractive woman with a German accent came in with her husband who was in a wheelchair. She handed me one ticket and when I asked about the ticket for her husband, she gave me this line about he didn't have to pay because he was in a wheelchair and did not take up a seat. I explained to the lady that he was paying to see a movie, not to rent a seat; she insisted that she'd never had to pay before - but we hear these excuses all the time and if he wanted to see the movie, we were going to need a ticket. About that time a wind storm, with wind gusts up to 50 MPH knocked out power to our theater. It was out for about an hour and a half. We had to clear the theater, auditorium by auditorium, with two managers going around giving everyone a rain check for a later movie. It went pretty smoothly on the east side of the building, but the fans in College Road Trip were less than understanding; in fact they were downright rude and extremely messy. One can forgive the mess - their show had just been interrupted and they'd spent all this money on concessions only to get half way through the movie and have it quit on them. What we won't forgive is the rudeness and the refusal by many of the people in College Road Trip who, rather than waiting inside the auditorium as requested, flooded the lobby and hindered others from getting their rain check as quickly as might have been possible.
One bitch - there's no better word for her and God knows she's a bitch - demanded double rain passes for her and her spawn due to our inconveniencing them. She pushed past others who were patiently waiting and started accusing the manager of causing the power failure. I'm surprised she didn't accuse George Bush - he gets blamed for every other act of nature.
When the power came back on, the movies picked up where they left off, because you can't just reverse the projector and rewind the film. It has to play out onto a platter, which is then lifted and taken to a separate table where another machine rewinds the film for the next showing. So once the lights were back on and I could see how to clean the theaters, I went into College Road Trip to clean up after The Bitch and other impatient patrons. It took me 45 minutes to clean that auditorium. Three trash containers were overflowing and I filled two more 45 gallon plastic bags with trash left by the movie-goers.
The thing is, regardless of whether the power had failed or not, these guests were not going to take their trash with them anyway. That's the quality of our audience that is attracted to this sort of film. In two weeks, Meet the Browns will open, and I predict right now that the same people are going to completely trash the theater. If they don't, I'll quit my job at the theater. Past experience has taught us that G-rated movies and movies that attract a predominantly black audience will require twice as many ushers and twice as much time to clean as any other movie being played at the same time. It's not a matter of racial prejudice, it's just the way it is. Even our black employees dread this sort of movie and some are already planning on calling in sick when Meet The Browns opens on Good Friday.
College Road Trip is a pretty tame family movie, starring Raven and Martin Lawrence. It's about a dad who doesn't want his little girl growing up and moving away. His job is to protect her. Raven's character wants her freedom and for her dad to trust her to make the right decisions in life. Donny Osmond and his on-screen wife are the token whites who are portrayed as being obnoxiously positive. CRT would have made a better made-for-TV movie than a big screen release, but that's not going to stop fans of Martin or Raven from throwing hard earned money away along with a ton of trash. I hope I'm not working when The Bitch or the German woman returns with their raincheck.
I wanted to write more positive stories about theater patrons and the movie industry in general, but there's little I can say positive about the kind of people who first demonstrate their total lack of respect for others and who think that their color or disability or other 'difference' makes them better than the rest of us.
One bitch - there's no better word for her and God knows she's a bitch - demanded double rain passes for her and her spawn due to our inconveniencing them. She pushed past others who were patiently waiting and started accusing the manager of causing the power failure. I'm surprised she didn't accuse George Bush - he gets blamed for every other act of nature.
When the power came back on, the movies picked up where they left off, because you can't just reverse the projector and rewind the film. It has to play out onto a platter, which is then lifted and taken to a separate table where another machine rewinds the film for the next showing. So once the lights were back on and I could see how to clean the theaters, I went into College Road Trip to clean up after The Bitch and other impatient patrons. It took me 45 minutes to clean that auditorium. Three trash containers were overflowing and I filled two more 45 gallon plastic bags with trash left by the movie-goers.
The thing is, regardless of whether the power had failed or not, these guests were not going to take their trash with them anyway. That's the quality of our audience that is attracted to this sort of film. In two weeks, Meet the Browns will open, and I predict right now that the same people are going to completely trash the theater. If they don't, I'll quit my job at the theater. Past experience has taught us that G-rated movies and movies that attract a predominantly black audience will require twice as many ushers and twice as much time to clean as any other movie being played at the same time. It's not a matter of racial prejudice, it's just the way it is. Even our black employees dread this sort of movie and some are already planning on calling in sick when Meet The Browns opens on Good Friday.
College Road Trip is a pretty tame family movie, starring Raven and Martin Lawrence. It's about a dad who doesn't want his little girl growing up and moving away. His job is to protect her. Raven's character wants her freedom and for her dad to trust her to make the right decisions in life. Donny Osmond and his on-screen wife are the token whites who are portrayed as being obnoxiously positive. CRT would have made a better made-for-TV movie than a big screen release, but that's not going to stop fans of Martin or Raven from throwing hard earned money away along with a ton of trash. I hope I'm not working when The Bitch or the German woman returns with their raincheck.
I wanted to write more positive stories about theater patrons and the movie industry in general, but there's little I can say positive about the kind of people who first demonstrate their total lack of respect for others and who think that their color or disability or other 'difference' makes them better than the rest of us.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The Orpheum Theater
I suppose I got my love of movies from my dad. He would take my brother and I to the Orpheum Theater on Saturday nights. There seems to be an Orpheum theater in most cities. The name "Orpheum" for an entertainment hall comes from the Greek myth of Orpheus, whose music and poetry were so compelling that even the Gods were mesmerized. The word "Orpheum" means "house of Orpheus" or"place of Orpheus." Our Orpheum Theater in Oxford couldn't exactly be called an entertainment hall or mesmerizing - but it was the only choice we had other than the Starlite Drive-In - also a popular name for outdoor theaters.
My first memory of a movie was King Kong, the original black and white version. When I was growing up it wasn't uncommon for movies to recirculate, thus about once a year we'd get movies like The Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, and King Kong. All I remember as a boy of four or five was the gorilla's head filling the screen. I was so frightened that I got down out of my seat and hid behind the seats in front because I thought Kong was going to break free of that screen and come inside the theater and eat us. My younger brother laughed at me cowering on the floor. You probably think it's funny too.
The Orpheum was segregated when I was growing up. Blacks viewed movies from the balcony. They had their own entrance and were denied the use of the bathrooms, which happened to be located upstairs. There was one toilet for the men and one for the women. The doors were secured by a latch that had obviously been kicked out several times because the wood was torn and you could actually see if someone were inside the bathroom through the crack. I would hold it until I could pee in the alley once the movie was over.
The Orpheum offered one size of popcorn and one size of soda. The popcorn came in a box that was probably filled the night before; and the drink choices were limited to Pepsi, 7-Up, or orange soda. There was a bigger variety of candy than you find in theaters today. We could even buy pea shooters - a straw and a bag of small beans, which we'd use to shoot other kids and black people in the balcony. They had the advantage of height though and we'd spend a lot of time dodging spitballs and beans.
On Saturday afternoons when my mom was tired of having us running around screaming and getting in the way of her work, she'd send my brother and I uptown to my dad's store where he would give us each fifty cents for a movie. That half dollar would pay for a child's ticket, popcorn, soda, and candy. Adults had to pay $.35, so we always lied about our age once we turned 12 and were subject to the cost of an adult ticket.
The Orpheum only had one show per night during the week, plus a matinee on Saturday and Sunday. There were three employees: The owner who sold concessions when he wasn't running the projector, and two teenagers to sell tickets and concessions while the owner was upstairs in the projection booth. Sometimes the owner would open the theater on a weekday when a new Disney movie would open. I think it did it just for our school, which was an orphanage. We'd march the four blocks from our school to the theater. Since I was a 'town' student and didn't actually live at the orphanage, my mother would give me a quarter to pay for my ticket. But since the owner didn't know me from an orphan, I'd use that quarter for candy and popcorn.
It was in the Orpheum theater that I first saw 101 Dalmations, Bambi, Old Yeller, and my favorite Disney movie, The Swiss Family Robinson. I would daydream about being shipwrecked on a tropical beach, eating bananas and coconuts, and running barefoot through the sand and surf. As I grew a little older, I looked forward to the teeny beach movies starring Annette Funicello and Bobby Darrin. And since I was a huge Elvis fan, I never missed one of his movies, starting with his Love Me Tender western up through his beach movies in exotic locations like Florida, Hawaii, and Mexico.
The Orpheum is where I saw my first naked lady - Pussy Galore painted in gold in Goldfinger. James Bond became my hero - the girls, the guns, the money and exotic locations. I had other heroes in movies as well: John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Audie Murphy, Jimmy Stewart, Elvis Presley - all American heroes in my book.
By the time I was drafted into the Army, the Orpheum was playing movies like Midnight Cowboy, The Wild Bunch, The Good The Bad & The Ugly, Easy Rider, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, Billy Jack, Walking Tall, Alice's Restaurant, and The Love Bug. This was during the Viet-Nam War and blacks were demonstrating their equality by sitting downstairs with the white folk. Lots of whites would leave the theater if a black sat in the white section, but times were changing. So was the theater.
The manager's hair had turned white by now. The teens who used to sell tickets and concessions were still there, they were just older as well. White kids started sitting in the balcony so they could shoot spitballs down on the blacks. Ticket prices had risen to fifty cents, popcorn was a quarter - for the same size box. The fire escape on the side of the building collapsed under the weight of several town drunks hiding in the alley between the theater and the Nationwide Insurance building.
I left Oxford for the Army in 1971. It would be two years before I would return, after my tour in Ethiopia and subsequent stationing at Ft. Bragg. The theater was closed for rennovation; but it would never reopen. For years the building stood empty and neglected and residents would have to travel to Durham or Raleigh to see a movie. By then there were cineplexes - theaters with two or even three auditoriums.
Today the Orpheum sign still sits above what used to be be the entrance to the theater. Now the Orpheum has been divided into offices housing lawyers and real estate agents. Not many citizens of Oxford remember the Orpheum in it's glory days, with neon lights and light bulbs that lit up half a block on Saturday nights. I wish I'd been around when they tore out the seats to make room for the new tenants. I'd like to have had that wooden seat behind which I hid from a roaring giant gorilla.
My first memory of a movie was King Kong, the original black and white version. When I was growing up it wasn't uncommon for movies to recirculate, thus about once a year we'd get movies like The Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, and King Kong. All I remember as a boy of four or five was the gorilla's head filling the screen. I was so frightened that I got down out of my seat and hid behind the seats in front because I thought Kong was going to break free of that screen and come inside the theater and eat us. My younger brother laughed at me cowering on the floor. You probably think it's funny too.
The Orpheum was segregated when I was growing up. Blacks viewed movies from the balcony. They had their own entrance and were denied the use of the bathrooms, which happened to be located upstairs. There was one toilet for the men and one for the women. The doors were secured by a latch that had obviously been kicked out several times because the wood was torn and you could actually see if someone were inside the bathroom through the crack. I would hold it until I could pee in the alley once the movie was over.
The Orpheum offered one size of popcorn and one size of soda. The popcorn came in a box that was probably filled the night before; and the drink choices were limited to Pepsi, 7-Up, or orange soda. There was a bigger variety of candy than you find in theaters today. We could even buy pea shooters - a straw and a bag of small beans, which we'd use to shoot other kids and black people in the balcony. They had the advantage of height though and we'd spend a lot of time dodging spitballs and beans.
On Saturday afternoons when my mom was tired of having us running around screaming and getting in the way of her work, she'd send my brother and I uptown to my dad's store where he would give us each fifty cents for a movie. That half dollar would pay for a child's ticket, popcorn, soda, and candy. Adults had to pay $.35, so we always lied about our age once we turned 12 and were subject to the cost of an adult ticket.
The Orpheum only had one show per night during the week, plus a matinee on Saturday and Sunday. There were three employees: The owner who sold concessions when he wasn't running the projector, and two teenagers to sell tickets and concessions while the owner was upstairs in the projection booth. Sometimes the owner would open the theater on a weekday when a new Disney movie would open. I think it did it just for our school, which was an orphanage. We'd march the four blocks from our school to the theater. Since I was a 'town' student and didn't actually live at the orphanage, my mother would give me a quarter to pay for my ticket. But since the owner didn't know me from an orphan, I'd use that quarter for candy and popcorn.
It was in the Orpheum theater that I first saw 101 Dalmations, Bambi, Old Yeller, and my favorite Disney movie, The Swiss Family Robinson. I would daydream about being shipwrecked on a tropical beach, eating bananas and coconuts, and running barefoot through the sand and surf. As I grew a little older, I looked forward to the teeny beach movies starring Annette Funicello and Bobby Darrin. And since I was a huge Elvis fan, I never missed one of his movies, starting with his Love Me Tender western up through his beach movies in exotic locations like Florida, Hawaii, and Mexico.
The Orpheum is where I saw my first naked lady - Pussy Galore painted in gold in Goldfinger. James Bond became my hero - the girls, the guns, the money and exotic locations. I had other heroes in movies as well: John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Audie Murphy, Jimmy Stewart, Elvis Presley - all American heroes in my book.
By the time I was drafted into the Army, the Orpheum was playing movies like Midnight Cowboy, The Wild Bunch, The Good The Bad & The Ugly, Easy Rider, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, Billy Jack, Walking Tall, Alice's Restaurant, and The Love Bug. This was during the Viet-Nam War and blacks were demonstrating their equality by sitting downstairs with the white folk. Lots of whites would leave the theater if a black sat in the white section, but times were changing. So was the theater.
The manager's hair had turned white by now. The teens who used to sell tickets and concessions were still there, they were just older as well. White kids started sitting in the balcony so they could shoot spitballs down on the blacks. Ticket prices had risen to fifty cents, popcorn was a quarter - for the same size box. The fire escape on the side of the building collapsed under the weight of several town drunks hiding in the alley between the theater and the Nationwide Insurance building.
I left Oxford for the Army in 1971. It would be two years before I would return, after my tour in Ethiopia and subsequent stationing at Ft. Bragg. The theater was closed for rennovation; but it would never reopen. For years the building stood empty and neglected and residents would have to travel to Durham or Raleigh to see a movie. By then there were cineplexes - theaters with two or even three auditoriums.
Today the Orpheum sign still sits above what used to be be the entrance to the theater. Now the Orpheum has been divided into offices housing lawyers and real estate agents. Not many citizens of Oxford remember the Orpheum in it's glory days, with neon lights and light bulbs that lit up half a block on Saturday nights. I wish I'd been around when they tore out the seats to make room for the new tenants. I'd like to have had that wooden seat behind which I hid from a roaring giant gorilla.
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