The World Outside the Theater

Sometimes (most of the time) I get so focussed on the little things at work that I lose track of why I'm doing it. I spend most of the time thinking about all the work that isn't getting done around the house or counting down the hours until I get off and can rest my feet; and then something happens to put things into perspective.

On Saturday, my daughter's best friend's dad died suddenly of a heart attack. The family was working a charity and the dad (I choose not to name them in respect for their privacy) was working with some small children when suddenly he collapsed. An ambulance was called and it left fifteen minutes before my daughter showed up to help her friend. I happened to call about the time that my daughter learned that her friend's dad had died. She was so distraught that she hung up on me. When I finally reached her a couple hours later and heard the news, my daughter was (and still is) in shock and grief over her friend's loss.

My daughter's friend is the sort of young lady that any parent would be proud of. She's intelligent, mature, beautiful, and has an amazing character. I'm so grateful that Laura chooses this young lady as her best friend. I'm also proud of my daughter because she is of similar heart. Yesterday she spent hours trying to find a movie that she enjoyed with her friend and her dad. She bought some candy, drove over to be with her, and the two walked by the pond where the father would walk with his daughter. He was a good man, a great father; and it's a tragedy that he was torn from his family before he could see his daughter in her prom dress, or watch her walk across the stage at graduation, or walk her down the aisle at her wedding.

My daughter said, "It's not fair. Why did God take him when he was doing good work?" I suppose it's all in one's perspective. My response was that God hadn't taken her friend's father - He'd caught him as he fell and He saved him. This doesn't mean much right now - the grief is real and it hurts so bad that it's hard to breathe. People always want for something comforting to say to the family who just lost a loved one - but there are no words that will accomplish what that family wants. This Sunday, we will celebrate the resurrection of Christ, but this family will wonder why God - who can do anything - won't bring back their husband and father. It's only later, when the grief is under control and the family is able to remember the good times with their loved one that words will help.

Part of my daughter's distress is the realization that she will someday face losing her own dad. She sobbed, "I don't know what I will do if something happens to you." The thing that most people who lose a loved one express is that they didn't get a chance to say goodbye, or they wish they had one more day, even one more hour, to be with the person they lost.

We all get those emails that tell a bittersweet story of loss and the importance of saying I love you every chance you get. In that light, I've decided that my daughter won't have to say that when I'm gone; although she will. But from now on, when we speak to each other every night over the phone, I'm going to be sure to tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her. This is the beginning of a long goodbye. We're going to treat our time together like it's our last time together. Maybe we'll start a diary and record what we did each day: watched "August Rush", dined at Olive Garden, climbed to the top of Chimney Rock". We'll take more pictures and videos; spend time talking about her dreams and goals. When I leave, I want nothing unsaid that needed to be said, nothing undone that was within my power to help make her life better, no promises unkept, no disagreement unresolved.

Getting the news of a good man's untimely death cleared my mind from how much my feet hurt and how angry I was at thoughtless people. I am blessed to be alive, to be able to work and earn a living. I'm blessed to already have been given a decade and a half more than my daughter's best friend's dad. I'm blessed because when it is my time, God is going to be there to catch me too. We'll both watch from Heaven and be quick to point out to God when our little girls need His help. We'll try to whisper to our girls when we think they're making mistakes. No man is good enough for our girls, but we want them happy. We want our wives (I've got one coming) happy and taken better care of than we were able to provide. Death can't destroy love and separation is not forever.

My prayers are for this family and with my daughter as she grieves for them.