Step Up 2 The Streets - 4 Tubs

Just what the world needs, another dance movie. However, what these kids call dance is what I call gymnastics. You have to be in tip top shape to move the way they do. Personally, I'm lucky to climb the stairs to clean up after the pigs who left their trash behind. You have no idea how many times we ushers have to climb up and down stadium steps, making run after run to the trash can, our arms loaded with popcorn tubs, nacho trays, and large soda cups almost full of overpriced sodas.

Step Up attracts the younger crowd, though most are fat, ugly, and wearing so much bling on their teeth we sometimes think they're using some sort of camera to record the show. Last night we had a dance group composed of teenage girls show up for the movie. They all looked like cheerleader types in their blue uniforms, and every one had a cell phone pressed to her ear telling the person on the other end that they were at the movie.

Why is it that these movies are always about some misunderstood and under-appreciated kid who gets portrayed as some sort of hero? There are no heroes in dance - it's a discipline, not an accomplishment. The only person it helps is the person who disciplines themselves to do what other's won't; so it's basically a selfish goal for one's life. It's the theater usher who serves quietly (not so quietly in my case) behind the scenes cleaning up after the pigs who are too lazy to train their bodies but are willing to pay to watch someone else sweat - we're the real heroes in the movies.

Saturday is going to be rough. I'm wearing two sets of inserts in my shoes that night. You would think that people who are interested in such gymnastics would eat healthy, but we'll go through a 50 lb box of buttery topping and two cases of napkins for a movie like this. These fans act like kids coming to see Alvin & the Chipmunks.

Here's my suggestion for what it's worth - wait for the DVD and trash your own house while you sit on your butt and watch people sweat.