An Idea for A Reality Show

We all know that there are not enough reality shows on TV (I'm being facetious). And I think by now you get the gist of what I write about here on Dirty Movies Critic. So I came up with an idea for a new reality series based on working in a movie theater. Sounds exciting already doesn't it?

I think that the producers of Survivor or Big Brother should come to Raleigh and do a show on the theater where I work. I'm not telling you which one, you'll have to wait for the TV series to find out.

What could there possibly be worth watching a series titled....let's say "Dirty Movie Critic" for lack of a better title. The camera could follow me around and catch me mumbling beneath my breath about the incestry...I mean ancestry, of the pigs who leave their trash in my theater. They could witness me out-hustle the younger ushers without really trying. They could show me using my amazing strength to rip apart ticket stubs and being courteous to movie goers, something that goes against my nature.

But I'm no glory hound. I would share the spotlight with our concessionaires and box office employees, even with the managers - who surprisingly work harder than anyone else at the theater. The theater employs a variety of personalities: there's the high school kids, the drop-outs, retards (excuse me, I meant to say autistic or mentally challenged or whatever politically correct phrase relaxes your butt cheeks), boyfriend/girlfriend & ex-girlfriend, retired (that's me, sort of), non-igneous to the United States (foreigners for those who aren't possessed over political correctness), and college grads trying to find a job that will pay off their student loans before they start drawing social security.

But what I really want the series to capture is the movie patrons - the motherless pigs who with malice aforethought kick over popcorn tubs, spill sodas, and drip simulated nacho cheese sauce on the seat cushions. The cameras would capture movie goers shoving fistfuls of popcorn into their mouths, pulling hamburgers out of their purses, and fifths of vodka from their inside coat pockets. They would document the utter havoc wreaked on the theater and the courageous battle of the poor, underpaid usher who tries to restore order before the next round of previews.

And then the cameras would follow the worst of the offenders of the Ten Commandments of Theater Attendance to their cars, shadow them home, and knock on their doors claiming they're from Publisher's Clearing House in order to gain entrance and once inside document how nasty these people live at home.

Then they'll sit down and interview these miscreants to determine why they were so thoughtless and triffling and so undeserving of the air they breathe. The interviewer will berate and abuse the customer and convict them of their grevious sins against theater property and theater employees as a race/ethnic/social group.

Then Extreme Home Makeover will come in at the end of the first season and design for us a theater that cleans itself. Perhaps they can install tazzers that will shock anyone who gets up out of their seats without first picking up any trash within two feet of them. Gordon Ramsey, from Hell's Kitchen, can come in and organize our concession area so that people don't have access to butter or salt, and he can ridicule the concessionaires and see which ones will cry and who will rise to be the Executive Concessionaire in the new state-of-the art theater that caters to employees rather than to movie goers.

Of course, I'll draw a hefty consulting fee to make sure the show stays true to Dirty Movies Critic. I'll even donate my theater wages to charity, though I don't think it's going to make a difference.

What do you think? Help me contact potential producers, bombard them with my blog website, tell them how much you want and need to see a really important reality show based on actual current events. If you don't know any Hollywood producers, send this on to someone who might. I'm networking here. I sucked at MLM, but this is a product everyone needs. Go and spread the gospel of the Dirty Movie Critic to Hollywood and beyond!