Someone recently said that I was a negative person, and I guess it's true. No sense fighting my own nature. This person didn't find my biting sarcasm as funny as I intended; I guess they would just have to be there to understand my frustration with humans. They said they wouldn't want to associate with me because of my negativity, and that's fine. I have what I need and people who love me and who know that this is just how I choose to talk about one of my jobs but isn't an accurate depiction of my character.
Before receiving this criticism, I felt like there was only so many ways I could describe how messy a theater can become or how much unnecessary effort it requires to clean an auditorium when people don't take out their own trash. I wanted to write about something besides pigs and popcorn and spilled sodas, but am so focussed on my broom that I don't have time to see beyond the mess.
I would like to write more stories about the good, decent movie goers who act responsibly and with respect for us 'little' guys, but it's hard to find the little diamonds in a pile of dirt. Take last night for instance. I walked in to clean at the end of There Will Be Blood and there was one guy in the auditorium. He was sitting on the front row, slouched down, popcorn tub on the floor beside him and a plastic Mountain Dew bottle where a soda cup should have been. I didn't pay him much mind until he stood and zipped up the front of his pants up. He actually turned away to tuck himself in. Seems this viewer somehow found a guy getting his head beaten in with a bowling pin erotic.
This was a big guy, bald, broad across the shoulders. He could have been a cop or a football coach on the outside, but inside he was some sick puppy. Maybe he got off on the danger of being caught. I didn't say anything to the pervert, he looked like he could kick my butt and I had no desire for him to put his hands on me after what he'd been touching. He passed me and nodded as though nothing had happened, and I went over and swept up the popcorn the perverted pig had spilled on the floor.
So when I say that we have a sick society where people simply don't care about anyone but themselves, I've got experience backing up my claim. Perhaps, if I worked in a hospital, I'd find some kind people to write about. If I wrote about our clients on my day job, I could tell you how stupid they are and how you shouldn't be trusting your money with financial planners who don't know how to access the Internet. But the theater is part of the service industry and as a culture, people today are very much like Daniel Plainview, the character from There Will Be Blood. They are selfish to the point of abusing other people. They grab what they can get and waste what they can't use. And some of them are more sick than others.
If I find something good to say about theater goers, I'll post it here. All I'm asking is that people take an honest look at their motives and their actions and answer for themselves whether they fall into this sick category. If you don't, God bless.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Oscars Results - 1 Tub
I slept during most of the Oscar presentations last night. Of the movies nominated, I'm pleased that No Country For Old Men won for Best Picture and Best Supporting Actor (Javier Bardem). And while There Will Be Blood is one of the most pointless movies Hollywood has wasted three hours of film on, Daniel Day Lewis did a pretty good job of getting people to hate him. But what's up with the hair and dress of the Best Supporting Actress, Tilda Swinton? Didn't someone care enough about her to stop her from going out in public like that? I didn't see the French film La Vie En Rose, but the Best Actress Award went to a much more attractive Marion Cotillard.
For those of you who don't understand how Hollywood chooses the pictures it nominates for awards, it's simple. Hollywood is nominating the most disturbing films. There Will Be Blood is about an evil, greedy oil man who not only turns against the boy he called his son, but beats a preacher to death with a bowling pin. Sweeney Todd is about a vengeful barber who sings while he slices people's throats with a straight razor. No Country For Old Men is extremely violent, but is tempered with humor and an acknowledgement that evil is present everywhere. Atonement was about a homely teen's accusation that sent a boy to prison and to war. The most disturbing thing about this film wasn't the violence of battle, but the letters containing the word "Cunt" prominently displayed throughout the movie. Juno, while witty, treated teen pregnacy as a joke and infants as something you can trade or sell if you don't feel like raising one yourself. Of the five nominations, the right one won, but the best movies weren't nominated.
3:10 to Yuma, August Rush, The Bucket List, American Gangster, and The Great Debaters, were all good movies and each had a realistic, if not always positive message and the story was well told. But as long as the Academy is as out of touch with America as politicians inside the Washington beltway are, we're going to continue to be force fed the previous crap.
By the way, I think I won the Oscars poll at work. Even some of the picks I guessed on won. Whoopee - $15 gift certificate to Applebees! With another hour's pay I can afford to eat there.
For those of you who don't understand how Hollywood chooses the pictures it nominates for awards, it's simple. Hollywood is nominating the most disturbing films. There Will Be Blood is about an evil, greedy oil man who not only turns against the boy he called his son, but beats a preacher to death with a bowling pin. Sweeney Todd is about a vengeful barber who sings while he slices people's throats with a straight razor. No Country For Old Men is extremely violent, but is tempered with humor and an acknowledgement that evil is present everywhere. Atonement was about a homely teen's accusation that sent a boy to prison and to war. The most disturbing thing about this film wasn't the violence of battle, but the letters containing the word "Cunt" prominently displayed throughout the movie. Juno, while witty, treated teen pregnacy as a joke and infants as something you can trade or sell if you don't feel like raising one yourself. Of the five nominations, the right one won, but the best movies weren't nominated.
3:10 to Yuma, August Rush, The Bucket List, American Gangster, and The Great Debaters, were all good movies and each had a realistic, if not always positive message and the story was well told. But as long as the Academy is as out of touch with America as politicians inside the Washington beltway are, we're going to continue to be force fed the previous crap.
By the way, I think I won the Oscars poll at work. Even some of the picks I guessed on won. Whoopee - $15 gift certificate to Applebees! With another hour's pay I can afford to eat there.
The Spiderwick Chronicles - 4 Tubs
I don't know why people think I'm so negative all the time; just because I point out some societal flaws that probably hit too close to home. Some people say they wouldn't want to hang out with me because of my negativity. What made them think I'd want to hang out with them? People who whine about whiners really need to get a life. Critiquing movie theaters after people trash them is what this website is all about. If you wanted cum-ba-ya, join the A.A. They'll accept losers and whiners.
Spiderwick is a typical family movie - lots of trash. Unfortunately, not a lot of fans are coming to see the film. I've seen the first half hour or so. It's OK, just as good as The Golden Compass, not as good as Narnia or Lord of the Rings.
The other day there was only one patron in the 7:30 showing. It was freezing outside, but this guy came in wearing shorts and a short sleeve shirt. I think he was gay because he was too cheerful; maybe he was a Christian. Hard to tell sometimes.
When I went in to make a theater check, this guy is sitting on the very front row. Now, he's got the entire theater to himself and he sits where you have to bend your neck backward to see the movie. No crime there, just not the best choice of seating.
The next day he's back to see Fool's Gold. Maybe he's unemployed; but if he is unemployed, where'd he get the money to come to movies and why is he so happy? Maybe he's one of those guys some people who read this blog want me to become - positive and forgiving. Well, that's probably not going to happen. I have to do this stuff at work on my lunch hour and I'm usually pressed for time and distracted by people talking too loud in the cubicles surrounding me. After all, it's really hard to be critical and positive at the same time. Now if I were making money from this website I probably could say something nice once and awhile.
Perhaps if I were like Hogsqueal from the Spiderwick movie, I could spit into the eyes of those who fail to see the link between the way people leave the theater and the respect they have for themselves and other people. Of course, my viewpoint could be equally distorted. As Arthur Spiderwick says, “Once you see, you will never see the same again.”
Spiderwick is a typical family movie - lots of trash. Unfortunately, not a lot of fans are coming to see the film. I've seen the first half hour or so. It's OK, just as good as The Golden Compass, not as good as Narnia or Lord of the Rings.
The other day there was only one patron in the 7:30 showing. It was freezing outside, but this guy came in wearing shorts and a short sleeve shirt. I think he was gay because he was too cheerful; maybe he was a Christian. Hard to tell sometimes.
When I went in to make a theater check, this guy is sitting on the very front row. Now, he's got the entire theater to himself and he sits where you have to bend your neck backward to see the movie. No crime there, just not the best choice of seating.
The next day he's back to see Fool's Gold. Maybe he's unemployed; but if he is unemployed, where'd he get the money to come to movies and why is he so happy? Maybe he's one of those guys some people who read this blog want me to become - positive and forgiving. Well, that's probably not going to happen. I have to do this stuff at work on my lunch hour and I'm usually pressed for time and distracted by people talking too loud in the cubicles surrounding me. After all, it's really hard to be critical and positive at the same time. Now if I were making money from this website I probably could say something nice once and awhile.
Perhaps if I were like Hogsqueal from the Spiderwick movie, I could spit into the eyes of those who fail to see the link between the way people leave the theater and the respect they have for themselves and other people. Of course, my viewpoint could be equally distorted. As Arthur Spiderwick says, “Once you see, you will never see the same again.”
Thursday, February 21, 2008
An Idea for A Reality Show
We all know that there are not enough reality shows on TV (I'm being facetious). And I think by now you get the gist of what I write about here on Dirty Movies Critic. So I came up with an idea for a new reality series based on working in a movie theater. Sounds exciting already doesn't it?
I think that the producers of Survivor or Big Brother should come to Raleigh and do a show on the theater where I work. I'm not telling you which one, you'll have to wait for the TV series to find out.
What could there possibly be worth watching a series titled....let's say "Dirty Movie Critic" for lack of a better title. The camera could follow me around and catch me mumbling beneath my breath about the incestry...I mean ancestry, of the pigs who leave their trash in my theater. They could witness me out-hustle the younger ushers without really trying. They could show me using my amazing strength to rip apart ticket stubs and being courteous to movie goers, something that goes against my nature.
But I'm no glory hound. I would share the spotlight with our concessionaires and box office employees, even with the managers - who surprisingly work harder than anyone else at the theater. The theater employs a variety of personalities: there's the high school kids, the drop-outs, retards (excuse me, I meant to say autistic or mentally challenged or whatever politically correct phrase relaxes your butt cheeks), boyfriend/girlfriend & ex-girlfriend, retired (that's me, sort of), non-igneous to the United States (foreigners for those who aren't possessed over political correctness), and college grads trying to find a job that will pay off their student loans before they start drawing social security.
But what I really want the series to capture is the movie patrons - the motherless pigs who with malice aforethought kick over popcorn tubs, spill sodas, and drip simulated nacho cheese sauce on the seat cushions. The cameras would capture movie goers shoving fistfuls of popcorn into their mouths, pulling hamburgers out of their purses, and fifths of vodka from their inside coat pockets. They would document the utter havoc wreaked on the theater and the courageous battle of the poor, underpaid usher who tries to restore order before the next round of previews.
And then the cameras would follow the worst of the offenders of the Ten Commandments of Theater Attendance to their cars, shadow them home, and knock on their doors claiming they're from Publisher's Clearing House in order to gain entrance and once inside document how nasty these people live at home.
Then they'll sit down and interview these miscreants to determine why they were so thoughtless and triffling and so undeserving of the air they breathe. The interviewer will berate and abuse the customer and convict them of their grevious sins against theater property and theater employees as a race/ethnic/social group.
Then Extreme Home Makeover will come in at the end of the first season and design for us a theater that cleans itself. Perhaps they can install tazzers that will shock anyone who gets up out of their seats without first picking up any trash within two feet of them. Gordon Ramsey, from Hell's Kitchen, can come in and organize our concession area so that people don't have access to butter or salt, and he can ridicule the concessionaires and see which ones will cry and who will rise to be the Executive Concessionaire in the new state-of-the art theater that caters to employees rather than to movie goers.
Of course, I'll draw a hefty consulting fee to make sure the show stays true to Dirty Movies Critic. I'll even donate my theater wages to charity, though I don't think it's going to make a difference.
What do you think? Help me contact potential producers, bombard them with my blog website, tell them how much you want and need to see a really important reality show based on actual current events. If you don't know any Hollywood producers, send this on to someone who might. I'm networking here. I sucked at MLM, but this is a product everyone needs. Go and spread the gospel of the Dirty Movie Critic to Hollywood and beyond!
I think that the producers of Survivor or Big Brother should come to Raleigh and do a show on the theater where I work. I'm not telling you which one, you'll have to wait for the TV series to find out.
What could there possibly be worth watching a series titled....let's say "Dirty Movie Critic" for lack of a better title. The camera could follow me around and catch me mumbling beneath my breath about the incestry...I mean ancestry, of the pigs who leave their trash in my theater. They could witness me out-hustle the younger ushers without really trying. They could show me using my amazing strength to rip apart ticket stubs and being courteous to movie goers, something that goes against my nature.
But I'm no glory hound. I would share the spotlight with our concessionaires and box office employees, even with the managers - who surprisingly work harder than anyone else at the theater. The theater employs a variety of personalities: there's the high school kids, the drop-outs, retards (excuse me, I meant to say autistic or mentally challenged or whatever politically correct phrase relaxes your butt cheeks), boyfriend/girlfriend & ex-girlfriend, retired (that's me, sort of), non-igneous to the United States (foreigners for those who aren't possessed over political correctness), and college grads trying to find a job that will pay off their student loans before they start drawing social security.
But what I really want the series to capture is the movie patrons - the motherless pigs who with malice aforethought kick over popcorn tubs, spill sodas, and drip simulated nacho cheese sauce on the seat cushions. The cameras would capture movie goers shoving fistfuls of popcorn into their mouths, pulling hamburgers out of their purses, and fifths of vodka from their inside coat pockets. They would document the utter havoc wreaked on the theater and the courageous battle of the poor, underpaid usher who tries to restore order before the next round of previews.
And then the cameras would follow the worst of the offenders of the Ten Commandments of Theater Attendance to their cars, shadow them home, and knock on their doors claiming they're from Publisher's Clearing House in order to gain entrance and once inside document how nasty these people live at home.
Then they'll sit down and interview these miscreants to determine why they were so thoughtless and triffling and so undeserving of the air they breathe. The interviewer will berate and abuse the customer and convict them of their grevious sins against theater property and theater employees as a race/ethnic/social group.
Then Extreme Home Makeover will come in at the end of the first season and design for us a theater that cleans itself. Perhaps they can install tazzers that will shock anyone who gets up out of their seats without first picking up any trash within two feet of them. Gordon Ramsey, from Hell's Kitchen, can come in and organize our concession area so that people don't have access to butter or salt, and he can ridicule the concessionaires and see which ones will cry and who will rise to be the Executive Concessionaire in the new state-of-the art theater that caters to employees rather than to movie goers.
Of course, I'll draw a hefty consulting fee to make sure the show stays true to Dirty Movies Critic. I'll even donate my theater wages to charity, though I don't think it's going to make a difference.
What do you think? Help me contact potential producers, bombard them with my blog website, tell them how much you want and need to see a really important reality show based on actual current events. If you don't know any Hollywood producers, send this on to someone who might. I'm networking here. I sucked at MLM, but this is a product everyone needs. Go and spread the gospel of the Dirty Movie Critic to Hollywood and beyond!
Definitely, Maybe - 2 Tubs
Definitely, Maybe is a cute story about a girl discovering which of her father's former girlfriends is her real mother. It attracts lots of chicks, thus it is easy to clean. Enough said.
Last night was really slow at the theater and I wasn't always rushing from auditorium to auditorium. Fortunately, I was sweeping in the front of the lobby when three beautiful young women entered. For as long as I've been working at the theater, these three chicks have shown up about once a week to watch a movie together. One has lustrous black hair, the other two are blonds, one on crutches. The girl on crutches is the prettiest. I don't know why she's on crutches, but she's been on them a couple of months now. Anyway, these women are what us guys call "Hot!". They're also sweet and they love to laugh. All three look incredibly fit, in a feminine way; and the girl on crutches has the best figure of the three.
I'll admit it, I looked. I tried to look away at two kids playing video games, but the girl on crutches was standing less than two feet away and I had a nice view of her cleavage, which is why I tried to avert my attention. Not only are they more than one guy can handle, they were also less than half my age. I found myself in the position of looking at them as I would my daughters and how I would feel if some old pervert was oggling them. Disgusting old pig!
After opening the door to Definitely, Maybe for them (the other two girls had their arms full of popcorn and sodas), I went back to the concession stand and saw the clerk still smiling. I asked if he knew them and he said no, but he'd heard that they were all exotic dancers. It fit, they had the looks, the figure, the youth, they were pleasant with people, not in a forced way but genuine. Perhaps going to movies was how they spent their nights off; as opposed to say - going to Wednesday night Bible study?
Anyway, I have nothing against exotic dancers. I don't go clubbing, drinking with the buddies, or attend bachelor parties at Thee Doll House, but that's just me. I wouldn't want my daughters working as strippers; Lord knows I don't ever want to see one of them naked. I choose to remember them in diapers and bath tubs, pony tails and playing with Barbie dolls, not with a dance pole. I wonder how the girls' fathers deal with their daughter's chosen vocation. What do they talk about when they meet for lunch? Does dad say, "So, how's work"? And does she respond with, "Great, I made a $100 tip last night on one lap dance!" If the dads are like me, they don't see their daughters as adults, attractive and desirable to other men; but as cute little girls who skipped rope, and rode on their dad's shoulders. Daddy's little girls. The kind of daughters that fathers treat like a princess and hope that they will someday meet a prince who will love and care for them as much as their dad does.
There's a special place in my heart for the one who is on crutches. She's the sweetest as well as the prettiest. Last night when the movie was over, she bent over to pick up her popcorn bag and a few kernals fell onto the floor. Trying to balance herself on her crutches and bend down to pick up the loose popcorn, she almost tumbled onto the row below. She looked down and saw me standing to the side waiting for the customers to leave and said, "I'm really sorry. I tried to pick up my trash but I couldn't manage it." I said "No problem, thank you for trying." I wanted to say that most healthy people were so inconsiderate and lazy they wouldn't take their own trash out. At least she made the effort, so I know that her dad and mom succeeded in instilling some respect and kindness in their beautiful daughter. I'm sure she's one of the kindest and most considerate exotic dancers in the area. The other two took their trash too, and smiled and said "Thank you." as they were leaving. I wish all our customers were as kind, and as hot.
Last night was really slow at the theater and I wasn't always rushing from auditorium to auditorium. Fortunately, I was sweeping in the front of the lobby when three beautiful young women entered. For as long as I've been working at the theater, these three chicks have shown up about once a week to watch a movie together. One has lustrous black hair, the other two are blonds, one on crutches. The girl on crutches is the prettiest. I don't know why she's on crutches, but she's been on them a couple of months now. Anyway, these women are what us guys call "Hot!". They're also sweet and they love to laugh. All three look incredibly fit, in a feminine way; and the girl on crutches has the best figure of the three.
I'll admit it, I looked. I tried to look away at two kids playing video games, but the girl on crutches was standing less than two feet away and I had a nice view of her cleavage, which is why I tried to avert my attention. Not only are they more than one guy can handle, they were also less than half my age. I found myself in the position of looking at them as I would my daughters and how I would feel if some old pervert was oggling them. Disgusting old pig!
After opening the door to Definitely, Maybe for them (the other two girls had their arms full of popcorn and sodas), I went back to the concession stand and saw the clerk still smiling. I asked if he knew them and he said no, but he'd heard that they were all exotic dancers. It fit, they had the looks, the figure, the youth, they were pleasant with people, not in a forced way but genuine. Perhaps going to movies was how they spent their nights off; as opposed to say - going to Wednesday night Bible study?
Anyway, I have nothing against exotic dancers. I don't go clubbing, drinking with the buddies, or attend bachelor parties at Thee Doll House, but that's just me. I wouldn't want my daughters working as strippers; Lord knows I don't ever want to see one of them naked. I choose to remember them in diapers and bath tubs, pony tails and playing with Barbie dolls, not with a dance pole. I wonder how the girls' fathers deal with their daughter's chosen vocation. What do they talk about when they meet for lunch? Does dad say, "So, how's work"? And does she respond with, "Great, I made a $100 tip last night on one lap dance!" If the dads are like me, they don't see their daughters as adults, attractive and desirable to other men; but as cute little girls who skipped rope, and rode on their dad's shoulders. Daddy's little girls. The kind of daughters that fathers treat like a princess and hope that they will someday meet a prince who will love and care for them as much as their dad does.
There's a special place in my heart for the one who is on crutches. She's the sweetest as well as the prettiest. Last night when the movie was over, she bent over to pick up her popcorn bag and a few kernals fell onto the floor. Trying to balance herself on her crutches and bend down to pick up the loose popcorn, she almost tumbled onto the row below. She looked down and saw me standing to the side waiting for the customers to leave and said, "I'm really sorry. I tried to pick up my trash but I couldn't manage it." I said "No problem, thank you for trying." I wanted to say that most healthy people were so inconsiderate and lazy they wouldn't take their own trash out. At least she made the effort, so I know that her dad and mom succeeded in instilling some respect and kindness in their beautiful daughter. I'm sure she's one of the kindest and most considerate exotic dancers in the area. The other two took their trash too, and smiled and said "Thank you." as they were leaving. I wish all our customers were as kind, and as hot.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Jumper - 3 Tubs
I really need to get busy on my novel because this movie has absolutely stolen the idea for one of my characters in my book. Too bad I can't accuse them of plagurism since I haven't finished writing the book yet.
Anyway, I have mixed feelings about this movie. It was good, but it could have been much better. There was no explanation of where Jumpers came from, who the Pallatins (sp) are, why his mom didn't play a bigger role in the movie, etc. Sorry if I'm giving anything away here, but I think they're setting us up for a sequel.
As far as the condition of the theater after people leave the movie: Kids, teens and college students included are naturally messy. They can't clean their rooms, do a half-ass job at chores, and don't even try to treat other people's property with respect. I swept up lots of contraband - candy wrappers from candy we don't sell, soda cans - which we don't sell, chewing gum wrappers- nope we don't see that either.
Still, there are enough older people going so that the theater isn't completely trashed. Yesterday was probably the worst. A local mental hospital brought some of their young patients to see the movie. There was popcorn and drinks all over the floor - but at least they've got an excuse. I even found a dollar under the messiest seat. Must have been a tip. I'm using it to buy a lottery ticket Friday in Virginia because the MegaBall lottery is up to $270M. If I win, I'll hire someone to clean up behind me - but I'll pay them really well.
Most people seem to enjoy the movie. I think we all would like the ability to transport anywhere in the world in a split second. We wouldn't need cars or gas so the earth would be greener; but all those auto and oil workers would be out of a job so we'd have more people jumping off skyscrapers. The government would have to create some sort of tracking device so they can keep up with us. Prisons would become obsolete - if found guilty the person is immediately executed, if they can catch him. Spouses would not trust each other because it would be so easy to 'sneak around'. No one would live in Minnesota or Nebraska in the winter, so Florida would soon look like Calcutta.
I guess it's a good thing we aren't able to be omnipresent....
Anyway, I have mixed feelings about this movie. It was good, but it could have been much better. There was no explanation of where Jumpers came from, who the Pallatins (sp) are, why his mom didn't play a bigger role in the movie, etc. Sorry if I'm giving anything away here, but I think they're setting us up for a sequel.
As far as the condition of the theater after people leave the movie: Kids, teens and college students included are naturally messy. They can't clean their rooms, do a half-ass job at chores, and don't even try to treat other people's property with respect. I swept up lots of contraband - candy wrappers from candy we don't sell, soda cans - which we don't sell, chewing gum wrappers- nope we don't see that either.
Still, there are enough older people going so that the theater isn't completely trashed. Yesterday was probably the worst. A local mental hospital brought some of their young patients to see the movie. There was popcorn and drinks all over the floor - but at least they've got an excuse. I even found a dollar under the messiest seat. Must have been a tip. I'm using it to buy a lottery ticket Friday in Virginia because the MegaBall lottery is up to $270M. If I win, I'll hire someone to clean up behind me - but I'll pay them really well.
Most people seem to enjoy the movie. I think we all would like the ability to transport anywhere in the world in a split second. We wouldn't need cars or gas so the earth would be greener; but all those auto and oil workers would be out of a job so we'd have more people jumping off skyscrapers. The government would have to create some sort of tracking device so they can keep up with us. Prisons would become obsolete - if found guilty the person is immediately executed, if they can catch him. Spouses would not trust each other because it would be so easy to 'sneak around'. No one would live in Minnesota or Nebraska in the winter, so Florida would soon look like Calcutta.
I guess it's a good thing we aren't able to be omnipresent....
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Complain, Complain, Complain, Yada Yada Yada
It seems that Jerry Seinfield remarked at the Oscars that it was OK for people to leave trash in the theater when they felt they were getting ripped off. Easy for him to say, he's part of the crap that Hollywood is turning out as 'entertainment' now days. He was serious, not that his funny stuff is actually funny except to people who have nothing better to do with their lives than watch Seinfield.
Every night at work I hear people comment on how expensive it is to go to the movies. It's true, but the theater is not the bad guy. There's the studios and distributions systems taking the bulk of theater revenue. There's corporate costs - the people who build and manage the theaters. There's rent, utilities, property taxes, trash removal, janitorial services, landscaping, etc. There's the rising cost of concessions and cleaning supplies, toilet paper, not to mention advertising. There is building maintenance - guess who causes that? By the time it comes down to employees, there isn't much left for us. $6.50 an hour or less. Manager make $10 bucks per hour. Sure the General Manager makes more, but I earn more in my day job than he does.
Here's what you have the right to complain about: The quality of service - is the theater staff polite and attentive? Other patrons - are they too loud, do they smell bad, did they leave their trash so that you're having to wait to get into the auditiorium for your show? The movie itself - did it have a plot, were you entertained? That's it. You do not have the right to complain about costs after you make the decision to purchase the ticket. You do not have a right to complain about the price of concessions after ordering the large tub of popcorn and large soda. You do not have a right to complain about the cleanliness of the bathrooms since it was customers like yourself who made the mess. You don't have the right to bring in outside food just because you don't want to spend money on concessions - because the profit on concessions is where the wages for theater staff comes from and without adequate staffing, you're going to have to wait in line longer and endure dirtier auditoriums. If you're that strapped for cash, get a job as a theater usher
You can complain about one other thing: Jerry Seinfield and the people in Hollywood who get rich ripping off your hard earned money. Stop paying to watch crap and Hollywood will start producing entertainment to give you your money's worth.
Every night at work I hear people comment on how expensive it is to go to the movies. It's true, but the theater is not the bad guy. There's the studios and distributions systems taking the bulk of theater revenue. There's corporate costs - the people who build and manage the theaters. There's rent, utilities, property taxes, trash removal, janitorial services, landscaping, etc. There's the rising cost of concessions and cleaning supplies, toilet paper, not to mention advertising. There is building maintenance - guess who causes that? By the time it comes down to employees, there isn't much left for us. $6.50 an hour or less. Manager make $10 bucks per hour. Sure the General Manager makes more, but I earn more in my day job than he does.
Here's what you have the right to complain about: The quality of service - is the theater staff polite and attentive? Other patrons - are they too loud, do they smell bad, did they leave their trash so that you're having to wait to get into the auditiorium for your show? The movie itself - did it have a plot, were you entertained? That's it. You do not have the right to complain about costs after you make the decision to purchase the ticket. You do not have a right to complain about the price of concessions after ordering the large tub of popcorn and large soda. You do not have a right to complain about the cleanliness of the bathrooms since it was customers like yourself who made the mess. You don't have the right to bring in outside food just because you don't want to spend money on concessions - because the profit on concessions is where the wages for theater staff comes from and without adequate staffing, you're going to have to wait in line longer and endure dirtier auditoriums. If you're that strapped for cash, get a job as a theater usher
You can complain about one other thing: Jerry Seinfield and the people in Hollywood who get rich ripping off your hard earned money. Stop paying to watch crap and Hollywood will start producing entertainment to give you your money's worth.
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - 4 Tubs
You know what? This was a funny movie. There isn't much else showing right now, and it's nice to have another black movie that promotes family values. And you know what else? It's not quite as filthy as I thought it would be. The majority of viewers are actually taking their trash with them? Of course a handful of people can do some serious damage, but I haven't yet worked up a sweat cleaning the theater - one of the measurements I use in handing out the worst rating of '5'.
You might remember Michael Clarke Duncan as the giant from the movie "The Green Mile". He plays a supporting role in Roscoe Jenkins but he's actually quite funny. Nicole Parker Kodjoe is gorgeous in her role as Lucinda, the former high school prom queen and teen crush of Martin Lawrence's character, R.J..... (I don't know why I'm giving you this movie critique. You can read enough of those online. What you won't find elsewhere is my unique take on what happens at the theaters during these movies.)
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins is just one of those popular movies that attracts all kinds of people. Some are neat, some aren't. Some will go to Heaven, some won't. I'm not saying that people who leave their trash in my theater are going to Hell, but they're pointed in that direction. Go see the movie and have fun, then take your stinking trash with you when you leave:)
You might remember Michael Clarke Duncan as the giant from the movie "The Green Mile". He plays a supporting role in Roscoe Jenkins but he's actually quite funny. Nicole Parker Kodjoe is gorgeous in her role as Lucinda, the former high school prom queen and teen crush of Martin Lawrence's character, R.J..... (I don't know why I'm giving you this movie critique. You can read enough of those online. What you won't find elsewhere is my unique take on what happens at the theaters during these movies.)
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins is just one of those popular movies that attracts all kinds of people. Some are neat, some aren't. Some will go to Heaven, some won't. I'm not saying that people who leave their trash in my theater are going to Hell, but they're pointed in that direction. Go see the movie and have fun, then take your stinking trash with you when you leave:)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Step Up 2 The Streets - 4 Tubs
Just what the world needs, another dance movie. However, what these kids call dance is what I call gymnastics. You have to be in tip top shape to move the way they do. Personally, I'm lucky to climb the stairs to clean up after the pigs who left their trash behind. You have no idea how many times we ushers have to climb up and down stadium steps, making run after run to the trash can, our arms loaded with popcorn tubs, nacho trays, and large soda cups almost full of overpriced sodas.
Step Up attracts the younger crowd, though most are fat, ugly, and wearing so much bling on their teeth we sometimes think they're using some sort of camera to record the show. Last night we had a dance group composed of teenage girls show up for the movie. They all looked like cheerleader types in their blue uniforms, and every one had a cell phone pressed to her ear telling the person on the other end that they were at the movie.
Why is it that these movies are always about some misunderstood and under-appreciated kid who gets portrayed as some sort of hero? There are no heroes in dance - it's a discipline, not an accomplishment. The only person it helps is the person who disciplines themselves to do what other's won't; so it's basically a selfish goal for one's life. It's the theater usher who serves quietly (not so quietly in my case) behind the scenes cleaning up after the pigs who are too lazy to train their bodies but are willing to pay to watch someone else sweat - we're the real heroes in the movies.
Saturday is going to be rough. I'm wearing two sets of inserts in my shoes that night. You would think that people who are interested in such gymnastics would eat healthy, but we'll go through a 50 lb box of buttery topping and two cases of napkins for a movie like this. These fans act like kids coming to see Alvin & the Chipmunks.
Here's my suggestion for what it's worth - wait for the DVD and trash your own house while you sit on your butt and watch people sweat.
Step Up attracts the younger crowd, though most are fat, ugly, and wearing so much bling on their teeth we sometimes think they're using some sort of camera to record the show. Last night we had a dance group composed of teenage girls show up for the movie. They all looked like cheerleader types in their blue uniforms, and every one had a cell phone pressed to her ear telling the person on the other end that they were at the movie.
Why is it that these movies are always about some misunderstood and under-appreciated kid who gets portrayed as some sort of hero? There are no heroes in dance - it's a discipline, not an accomplishment. The only person it helps is the person who disciplines themselves to do what other's won't; so it's basically a selfish goal for one's life. It's the theater usher who serves quietly (not so quietly in my case) behind the scenes cleaning up after the pigs who are too lazy to train their bodies but are willing to pay to watch someone else sweat - we're the real heroes in the movies.
Saturday is going to be rough. I'm wearing two sets of inserts in my shoes that night. You would think that people who are interested in such gymnastics would eat healthy, but we'll go through a 50 lb box of buttery topping and two cases of napkins for a movie like this. These fans act like kids coming to see Alvin & the Chipmunks.
Here's my suggestion for what it's worth - wait for the DVD and trash your own house while you sit on your butt and watch people sweat.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Working the Door
In theater lingo, working the door means I'm the one who stands at the front of the theater and tears your tickets when you enter. I thank you politely for coming, tell you which auditorium your movie is in, hand you back your ticket stub and say, "I hope you enjoy the movie."
On week nights when there's not a lot of theater traffic, working the door is BORING! You stand in one place for hours, grateful when a customer comes in and gives you something to do. This may be fine for high school kids who are looking for easy money without having to work up a sweat, but for those of us mature enough to have a good work ethic, working the door sucks.
But being the eternally optimistic person that I am, I try to find something positive in even the most mind numbing routines. That's why I noticed this couple who came in last Wednesday to see The Bucket List - the best movie not nominated for an award at this year's Oscars.
The couple were obviously father and daughter; he looked to be close to 70, and she in her mid to late thirties. She held the door open for her dad to enter, handed me the tickets and headed for the concession stand. The father headed towards the bench to the side of concessions. You could tell he was tired and not in the best of health. The walk from the parking lot had worn him out. His thinning hair was all askew, and the sweater he wore didn't seem to provide sufficient heat to keep him warm.
There were no other customers so I kept watching these two. The daughter waited her turn in the concession line and when it was her turn, she turned to her father and asked if he'd like to have a bag of Twizzlers. He thought for a long time. It must have once been a favorite of his, and his daughter remembered and thought it would be something he'd enjoy. Finally, the old man shook his head. Perhaps he'd lost his taste for Twizzlers, or perhaps his dentures wouldn't chew them well, or perhaps he'd lost his sense of taste along with his vitality. He looked sad, and a little scared.
Scared because he was being forced to confront his age and the limits it put on his body. His mind may have been 35 years old, but his body don't always follow his mind's instructions. I think the fear was for the future - when he was unable to even get out to a movie, and perhaps he was afraid of what lies on the other side of this life.
His daughter obviously wanted to spend whatever time she has left with her dad. She thought it would be a good idea to bring him to a movie and get him out of the house. She too was probably afraid - afraid of what her life would be like when her dad was gone.
It was fitting that they were there to see The Bucket List. My favorite line in the movie goes something like this: "When he died, his eyes were closed, but his heart was open."
I don't always look at theater customers as pigs, though many (most) are. Once in awhile someone will touch you in an unexpected way. I hope that this dad and daughter are able to spend a lot more time together. It's something I'll be looking at in another 15 years, and I know my youngest daughter will be there for her dad.
Hopefully I won't still be tearing tickets or cleaning the theater behind pigs, or greeting customers at Wal-Mart. There's more important things in life than work and movies.
On week nights when there's not a lot of theater traffic, working the door is BORING! You stand in one place for hours, grateful when a customer comes in and gives you something to do. This may be fine for high school kids who are looking for easy money without having to work up a sweat, but for those of us mature enough to have a good work ethic, working the door sucks.
But being the eternally optimistic person that I am, I try to find something positive in even the most mind numbing routines. That's why I noticed this couple who came in last Wednesday to see The Bucket List - the best movie not nominated for an award at this year's Oscars.
The couple were obviously father and daughter; he looked to be close to 70, and she in her mid to late thirties. She held the door open for her dad to enter, handed me the tickets and headed for the concession stand. The father headed towards the bench to the side of concessions. You could tell he was tired and not in the best of health. The walk from the parking lot had worn him out. His thinning hair was all askew, and the sweater he wore didn't seem to provide sufficient heat to keep him warm.
There were no other customers so I kept watching these two. The daughter waited her turn in the concession line and when it was her turn, she turned to her father and asked if he'd like to have a bag of Twizzlers. He thought for a long time. It must have once been a favorite of his, and his daughter remembered and thought it would be something he'd enjoy. Finally, the old man shook his head. Perhaps he'd lost his taste for Twizzlers, or perhaps his dentures wouldn't chew them well, or perhaps he'd lost his sense of taste along with his vitality. He looked sad, and a little scared.
Scared because he was being forced to confront his age and the limits it put on his body. His mind may have been 35 years old, but his body don't always follow his mind's instructions. I think the fear was for the future - when he was unable to even get out to a movie, and perhaps he was afraid of what lies on the other side of this life.
His daughter obviously wanted to spend whatever time she has left with her dad. She thought it would be a good idea to bring him to a movie and get him out of the house. She too was probably afraid - afraid of what her life would be like when her dad was gone.
It was fitting that they were there to see The Bucket List. My favorite line in the movie goes something like this: "When he died, his eyes were closed, but his heart was open."
I don't always look at theater customers as pigs, though many (most) are. Once in awhile someone will touch you in an unexpected way. I hope that this dad and daughter are able to spend a lot more time together. It's something I'll be looking at in another 15 years, and I know my youngest daughter will be there for her dad.
Hopefully I won't still be tearing tickets or cleaning the theater behind pigs, or greeting customers at Wal-Mart. There's more important things in life than work and movies.
WAIT FOR THE DVD! - Movies Not Worth the Bucks
This is the time of year when Hollywood releases most of its crap. These movies aren't doing much at the box office, nor should they. They don't even rate a filthy auditorium rating. Save your money and wait for the DVD or for television:
Untraceable
Strange Wilderness
How She Move
The Eye
Meet The Spartans
Over Her Dead Body
I'm sure there will be more. This is why Hollywood waits until February to hold the Oscars - there's nothing else worth watching.
Untraceable
Strange Wilderness
How She Move
The Eye
Meet The Spartans
Over Her Dead Body
I'm sure there will be more. This is why Hollywood waits until February to hold the Oscars - there's nothing else worth watching.
Friday, February 1, 2008
There Will Be (a) Blood(y) (Mess)
Our theater received this film today. It's the only one worth watching of the new releases, and because it's nominated for an Oscar, lots of rabid pigs are marching on our theater to experience this movie. As ominous as the title, I shudder to see the auditorium after the 9:30 release. There might be an eruption of litter, possibly mixed with blood if I go postal tonight.
Because this is a movie about a selfish man, a man who wants others to lose as much as he wants to win, I'm sure it will attract that segment of our population that so frequently haunts our theater: selfish, intentionally evil pigs who get their jollies knowing that ushers are working themselves to death for $6.50 an hour cleaning up after them. As with the oil man and the evangelist, these movie fans will compete with one another to see who can wreak the most destruction. Some will swear that they always clean up behind themselves, but they're liars. Others will claim to not understand how unscrupulous movie goers can leave a mess and not be convicted by the Holy Spirit of their great sins. Only the ushers possess the honor and character to do what no one else is willing to do.
Some day an usher will be pushed beyond his endurance at the calloulessness of theater audiences, and there will be blood.
Because this is a movie about a selfish man, a man who wants others to lose as much as he wants to win, I'm sure it will attract that segment of our population that so frequently haunts our theater: selfish, intentionally evil pigs who get their jollies knowing that ushers are working themselves to death for $6.50 an hour cleaning up after them. As with the oil man and the evangelist, these movie fans will compete with one another to see who can wreak the most destruction. Some will swear that they always clean up behind themselves, but they're liars. Others will claim to not understand how unscrupulous movie goers can leave a mess and not be convicted by the Holy Spirit of their great sins. Only the ushers possess the honor and character to do what no one else is willing to do.
Some day an usher will be pushed beyond his endurance at the calloulessness of theater audiences, and there will be blood.
Juno - 4 Tubs
Sperm isn't the only thing being randomly sown in this movie. Popcorn, soda cups, candy wrappers, gum wrappers, hamburger wrappers....everything but condom wrappers, cover the floor and seats as irresponsible humanoids leave an orgy of litter in their wake in Juno.
As if Hollywood can't get enough laughs over ripping off God (First Sunday), now it thinks it's hilarious when teens get pregnant and get to trade their babies like Yu-Gi-Oh cards rather than actually raise their spawn. The parents, upon learning that their daughter has been having sex out of wedlock simply shrug their shoulders in wonder that a geek named Bleeker had it in him to ejaculate inside their daughter. The only bad guy in this movie is the husband and potential father-to-be who puts his own happiness in front of his wife's - who is portrayed by the drop dead gorgeous Jennifer Garner. But he's not the only selfish person in this movie - (after all, the teens put their own lust before the wise counsel of their parents). Didn't we all make the same mistake and regret it later? Don't we all want our kids to wait until they meet the right person before they become 'sexually active'? Weren't Juno's parents especially quick to forego their rights as grandparents rather than be involved in this child's life? Nor are the selfish characters limited to the movie. The fans of this movie, pigs that they are, are too good to take out their own trash. They leave it for the lame and out of touch, and extremely responsible ushers to clean up their mistakes.
Next time you decide to screw us ushers, at least put your junk in the trash bag first.
As if Hollywood can't get enough laughs over ripping off God (First Sunday), now it thinks it's hilarious when teens get pregnant and get to trade their babies like Yu-Gi-Oh cards rather than actually raise their spawn. The parents, upon learning that their daughter has been having sex out of wedlock simply shrug their shoulders in wonder that a geek named Bleeker had it in him to ejaculate inside their daughter. The only bad guy in this movie is the husband and potential father-to-be who puts his own happiness in front of his wife's - who is portrayed by the drop dead gorgeous Jennifer Garner. But he's not the only selfish person in this movie - (after all, the teens put their own lust before the wise counsel of their parents). Didn't we all make the same mistake and regret it later? Don't we all want our kids to wait until they meet the right person before they become 'sexually active'? Weren't Juno's parents especially quick to forego their rights as grandparents rather than be involved in this child's life? Nor are the selfish characters limited to the movie. The fans of this movie, pigs that they are, are too good to take out their own trash. They leave it for the lame and out of touch, and extremely responsible ushers to clean up their mistakes.
Next time you decide to screw us ushers, at least put your junk in the trash bag first.
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